The Last Angry Critic: The Lazarus Constantine Blog

The Lovely Bones

2010-01-10T17:00:00.001-05:00

The Lovely Bones:

A Story Of Family, Devotion, and The Evil That Men Do..

More times then should in this world, the movie industry tosses around terms like "life changing", "awe inspiring", "Masterpiece" and the like, but of all those times, often, its misleading and untrue, more then likely the movie will be flat, and uninteresting and be swept under the red carpet until awards season, where we will all marvel at how it even came to garner so many awards. Thankfully, in the case of The Lovely Bones, this isn't the case at all, it is well deserving of all the praise and adulation that comes its way, long time readers will tell you thats not exactly a statement I toss around lightly, or much at all honestly. Peter Jackson, the man behind such films as the modern adaption of Lord Of The Rings, as well as last year's awe inspiring epic District 9, once again steps to the plate and hits a home run, proving more then ever his flopsterpiece 2005's King Kong was nothing more then a fluke. Jackson carefully and as faithfully as possible to the book on which this film is based, takes us into a beautifully tragic and surreal world, where we see not only life in the world we know, but shows of what the hear after is like, both are done in beautiful detail, you find the other world just incredibly surreal and breathtaking, and you truly feel that the real world cira 1973, really is a small town in Pennsylvania in 1973, which I personally love, if something looks out of place it totally takes me out of the story, and I just can't find myself getting back into it at all, but thankfully, thats not the case here.

The Lovely Bones is the story of Suzie Salmon, like the fish, its the story of her life, the story of her death, and the story of her watching those who she left behind, how she never forgets them, how they never forget her, the love that bonds them all, but it is also the story of vengeance for Suzie's death, and how she doesn't feel she can leave until that has happened. The film starts with us meeting young Suzie, she narrates an early scene in her life, then fast forwards to her current age, 14, its 1973, before children were put on milk containers and before people canvased the neighborhood looking at the neighbors when a child goes missing, Suzie tells you of her life, her love of photography, her dreams to be a famous wild life photographer, her love of her family, her special relationship with her grandmother, and her love for a young man named Ray Singh. You find yourself drawn into Suzie's life, her warm loving family, her younger sister, her younger brother, and all the funny they are, you also find of her love of her father, who teaches her how to build ships in a bottle, just like his grandparents and parents taught him, a family tradition as it were, and though you find yourself loving Suzie's life, and smiling and laughing at it, Suzie then tells you of what happened on December 6th, 1973, the day she was raped and murdered, by a man that no one expected, because back then, no one expected the strange creepy man who lives near by.

On the day that Suzie died, she was running home late from school, she had joined a film club so she could be closer to Ray Singh, a british boy whom she liked, and who liked her, after Ray asks her on her very first date, and almost gives her, her very first kiss, she rushes home, cutting through a field where she crosses paths with Ruth Conners, a girl who lives alone near an old farm with a sinkhole that everyone drops old broken things into, its said that Ruth can see things that others can not, in that field Suzie also encounters her murderer, George Harvey a dollhouse maker who lives near her and her family, he convinces her to have a look at what he calls "a clubhouse" he built underground for the children of the neighhorhood, so they "could have a place that was just their own". Suzie goes down underground with him, but she never comes out alive. George murders Suzie down there, underground he cuts her throat with an old shaving razor, she dies down there, where no one ever hears her scream, George then caves in the underground structure, one week later all they find of evidence is Suzie's hat and alot of blood, this revelation, with out any idea of who her murderer is, her family starts to fall apart, her parents drift apart, her younger brother and sister both talk about how they can see her, her younger brother Buckley, taking on an almost Sixth Sense like role, stating many times "Suzie is in the in-between" and talking of her coming and kissing him before he sleeps, her younger sister Lindsey saying similar things but to a lesser extent, at this point Suzie's father starts to obsess over her death, investigating on his own feeling the police are not doing enough, this causes Suzie's mother, who hasn't delt with her death at all, to leave for awhile.

From limbo, which is referred to as "the in-between", "the blue horizon" and "her own personal heaven", Suzie watches as her family falls apart, and feels sad, sad because she misses them all, and sad because she's powerless to stop what is happening to them. At this point Suzie meets a young asian girl calling herself Holly Golightly which she states is "a borrowed name", after Holly tells Suzie they are dead, and that they need to go to heaven, Suzie says she can't yet, that she's not ready, there are things she needs to do first, Holly decides to stay with her in the in-between, where they become best friends, and are happy together, even though Suzie constantly watches her family, and she also watches Ray Singh, who sits at the spot in The Mall that she and him were to meet, hoping that maybe she would appear and it would all be just a dream, this is where Suzie watches as Ruth meets Ray, handing him the poem he'd tucked into Suzie's book, stating she found it, and believed it belonged to him. She then tells him that she can see Suzie, that she doesn't understand how, or why, but she can see her, feel her, hear her, Ray and Ruth grow close as the film goes on, bonded in their grief over Suzie, Ray always carries a picture of her with him which he takes out and looks at often, talking to it, wishing she was there.

As the film progresses you watch as Suzie watches her loved ones grow up and change, but you also see that she watches George Harvey, the man who killed her, as he thinks he's gotten away with his crime, she watches as he torments himself and ponders what he'd done, almost as if in his own twisted way savoring it. She watches as the police interview George, and how he basically confesses what he's done, even though the police don't notice, you find yourself yelling at the screen how his words are giving away the fact he's telling them, in a sense, putting you in Suzie's place as she watches this all going down. As the film goes on, you go more and more into George's mind, and how demented it is, as the film progresses, you see that Suzie's sister, and then later her father, start to suspect George, leading to her sister getting the information that proves he killed her, and discovering that George had plans to kill her as well. Before this, it leads to Suzie's father first accusing George who panics and runs into his house, causing her dad to leave a large hole in his door, and then later a scene where Suzie, from the other side, wills her father to seek out vengeance for her death, shadowing and then following George into a cornfield where he watches teenagers go to have sex, its implied that he plans on killing two of them as well as Suzie's sister.

Once George is found out, he panics, and runs, and all the peaces come together, Suzie finally is able to face the house that its said she can't go to heaven with out walking through, which happens to be George's house, she discovers he's murdered many others, two adults, but mostly teenage girls, the only exception being a 6 year old girl, she discovers that her friend Hanna was the girl George had killed before her. With knowing the truth, and knowing her family was going to find peace and justice for her murder, she can finally go to heaven, where she is greeted by all of George's other victims, who embrace her for finally making their killer known. As they're about to go, Suzie stops, she looks to Hanna and says "I have one last thing to do.." she then descends to earth, taking over Ruth's body, she says her good bye to Ray, who tells her he still loves her, she tells him she loves him, and she finally gets the first magical kiss that every girl her age dreams of getting. The film ends with George at a roadside all night cafe trying to lure another woman for him to kill, who promptly tells him to go to hell, as he yells that he was just trying to be a nice guy, a large icecle falls down his back, and as he tries to get it by shaking his shirt and moving around, he falls off the edge of the parking lot into a creekbed, hitting alot of rocks breaking his body the whole way down, George's body lies frozen down there, in the bottom of the creekbed, and Suzie does the final beautiful but bittersweet narration as you see how her family has grown up and gotten older and stronger and still miss and love her, and how she finally decided it was time for her to leave for heaven, though she still watches over everyone from where she is.

The cast is just amazing, Mark Walberg plays Suzie's father Jack Salmon, the obsessive accountant who will not give up on his daughter is just incredible, Rachel Weisz as her mother Abby Salmon really feels natural and real, you feel her greif most of all, Susan Sarandon's job as Lynn, Suzie's grandmother is just incredible and funny in so many ways, but the stand outs in this are definitely the great Stanley Tucci as demented child killer George Harvey, you start to find yourself believing he is capable of actually murdering someone and keeping their body as he does, but even above that is mostly unknown Saoirse Ronan as Suzie Salmon herself, she is just amazingly good as the dead girl who everyone doesn't want to be dead, you truly believe she is in the in-between, not ready to go to heaven and not ready to let go of her life and loved ones.

There are many differences from the book, there is no mention of the brutal rape that George does on Suzie before he kills her underground, just that he killed her, there is also no mention of his rape of the others he killed, just that he killed them, I personally find that a good move, if you sell George as a child rapist as well as a murderer, it just makes the character over the top in this film, he is a horrible enough person, which fits the role just fine. The final scene with Suzie and Ray where Suzie takes over Ruth's body is different in the book as well, they have sex after they kiss in the book, where in the movie they just kiss and embrace one final time. There are other differences too, the disposal of the body is different in the book and the film, and afew other things that really aren't overly important, so they won't really ruin the film for you if you've read the book. The film is, itself, an all around great film with the makings of a cult hit. So if you haven't see it yet, please do, you will not regret your choice.

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Laz

*note: If you click on the images, they are all insanely beautiful super hi-rez photos that just look so very stunning when viewed on their own.

The Misfits

2010-01-10T16:59:00.000-05:00

The Misfits: Not Your Average Teenagers With Attitude

"Misfits is indeed silly — sillier, even than it sounds — but it's also brilliant: sharp, funny, dark and, in places, quite chilling. Both the writing and the performances ensure that everything but the preposterous central premise remains entirely believable." - From The Series Review in The Guardian, 2009

When I first read about this series, I found it abit hard to put my head around, I found myself reading and re-reading it to make sure I was understanding it correctly, a group of juvenile delinquents stuck together on community service probation detail are hit with a bolt of lightening that goes through them all and gives them each super powers, and tells the story of how they band together and become a team, it seems abit off doesn't it? But as often is the case with television programs, the description they give us isn't always 100% what we get, Fringe and Being Human both had similarly unappealing sounding write ups in the promo material, but anyone thats seen either program knows they are so very far from that. The Misfits is in that same vain, programs that at first look seem uninteresting and forgettable, but once you sit and watch them, you can't stop. I love a good sleeper hit, I really do.

The Misfits follows five teenagers on community service who get struck by lightning and are given special powers. Kelly (Lauren Socha) becomes telepathic, Curtis (Nathan Stewart Jarrett) can rewind time, Alisha (Antonia Thomas) can send people into a sexual frenzy when they touch her skin, Simon (Iwan Rheon) can make himself invisible. Seemingly left unaffected is annoying and abrasive Nathan (Robert Sheehan), although he is revealed to possess the power of Immortality in the sixth episode, the final episode of series one, and most current episode. The storm seems to have gone what we call "the fantastic four route", meaning each power enhances something about the character's personality, Kelly wishing she could know what everyone is thinking, Alisha's desire to have every man and woman in the world lust and crave her, Simon's feeling he doesn't belong and doesn't fit in believing the world would be a better place if he just disappeared, Curtis' need to turn back time and fix mistakes in his life, and though he never says it outright, Nathan's fear of life itself which he hides behind his sarcastic and rude exterior, which has been countered by giving him the power to survive anything by having immortality.

As the show starts, you meet the cast and their probation officer Tony, who is sent to watch over them. Tony is abit of a jerk honestly, and this leads to the discovering that the storm that made the kids empowered, turned Tony into a rampaging rage filled beast that wanted nothing more then to kill them all, he is able to kill one kid, Gary, who wasn't with the others when the lightening bolt hit them, and was thus not given a power. though no one knows this until the next day when Tony has written that he will kill them all in his blood all over the outside of the community center they meet at, Tony spends the next day trying to kill them all, and through accidental circumstance and afew of them's powers manifesting, they manage to kill Tony, after discovering Gary's body in the locker room shower. They agree to hide the bodies and keep what has happened a secret among themselves, which becomes problematic with Sally, their new probation officer and we find out later the woman Tony was going to marry, trying to discover evidence they killed him, first using scare tactics, and then later going so far as to manipulate Simon, whom she feels is the weakest and least connected of them, which leads to the most creepy and dark moments of the series in general, which is great, a nice mix of comedy, sci fi and horror all in one show about chavs with powers. As the show goes on, though you see Sally trying to get them to confess, you also discover others tha the storm gave powers too, and how the group deals with them, no matter how strange or downright odd the power is, their only thing remotely close to a "super villian" at this point being a woman named Rachel Leyton, an uptight repressive girl in her 20s who founded an organization called "Virtue", she possessed the power of suggestion, able to influence others to essentially become 'perfect' teenagers - dressing in conservative clothing and disdaining sex, drugs and alcohol. She influenced the change by speaking the words, "You don't have to behave like this; you can be so much better.", at one point she gains power over everyone except for Nathan and Simon, who end up stopping her, after she uses her power over a live television broadcast to effect countless others.

The characters are very deep, though at first glance they don't see it, though backstories and just natural character progression, you discover that it seems fate brought them all together, with each of them first being at the same club on the same night, and through the course of that night, each of them doing what got them sent to community service detail that very night at one point or another. You find yourself getting inside each of the cahracter's head, and into their lives, and you start to feel things for them, you see that they all are missing something in their lives away from each other, each alone in their own way, Curtis with his regrets, Alisha with her using her body to get through life, Kelly with her antisocial behavior, Nathan with his pushing everyone that cares about him away with his insecurity, selfishness and rudeness, and Simon with his darkness, depression and isolationism.

Many of the show's dark moments are provided by Simon using his power, he is the one who's mastered his power the best and uses it the most efficiently, it is downright scary at times honestly how well he uses his power. In contrast the show's funniest moments are provided by Nathan with his constant joking and saying the most hilariously rude things, his rants about what his power could be and his oneliners are often highlights of hilarity through out the program, the best being "hey, get up, you can't sleep naked in my carpark, who do you think you are? George Micheal? He can get away with it because he was in WHAM! You weren't..". The rest of the cast brings in a great show, dedicated to the point they all flood the online viral presence, posting in character video clips, blogs, tweets and the like, with Simon's facebook and youtube pages being the most detailed and full of large amounts of video and pictures the shy video film maker who can disappear has felt the need to share with the world, many of which involve the mysterious "Super-Hoodie" whom you see through out the series on posters, or spraypainted on walls, he makes his official in show debut in episode 6, where he helps Nathan out, leading into his story in the second series, which I'm assuming will answer many questions as well as introduce us to more people who were altered by the storm.

So if you're up for something thats slightly out of the normal, and is a great mix of hilarity and spooky, as well as an INCREDIBLE soundtrack, then give The Misfits a shot, you probably will be glad you did, i know I was.

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Laz

New Doctor Who Series Trailer

2010-01-10T16:58:00.000-05:00

Trailer for Matt Smith's first run as The Doctor

I still don't know about this guy, I don't, I mean sure, alot of it is because I'm a huge David Tennant fan, I mean like to the point alot of people i know say the character's personality and mine were almost identical, but still, I just don't know about this guy. Maybe its because I can't really find any of his work out there to compare to really, or, because I am just not ready to see the guy who has tied John Pertwee as my favorite actor to ever play the ironic role of The Doctor leave the show, I don't honestly know for sure. But there is just something I don't really get about this guy just yet, but to be fair, I was the same way when Tennant began, and sure, he was Jarvis Cooker in space with hot welsh and british girls, but still, he was awesome and beloved, and stepping into the shoes left by a man that the fans cried out to stay, really isn't gonna be easy. So I'm gonna give Matt a chance, I don't expect a brilliant thunderous cheer of joy and adulation, but, one never does know.

As for the trailer itself, it looks rather good, we know River Song will be back, and I guess someone on the writing staff felt the need to take the piss on the idea of the fans saying Matt Smith looks to much like Rob Paterson from Twilight, specially when paired with new sidekick Amy Pond who has a striking almost resemblance to Bella from Twilight as well, because there is a vampire episode, personally I find that hilarious that they'd poke fun at the fans with that, apparently there are more Daleks, but its Doctor Who, there has to be Daleks or it just doesn't work. Odd though, no sign of Jenny, The Doctor's Daughter (based losely on the character of Miranda Who, the character that Rose Tyler is also losely based on), I figured she'd show up next series, maybe do some traveling with her father, but I guess they don't wanna give everything away just yet, so there is hope still! But other then that, the trailer looks pretty alright, obviously there will be some fan nitpicking, but thats normal, so, really who knows what the future does hold? Maybe i'll be wrong about Matt not doing the role well.

But you know, i'll tell you this.. even if i don't love this series and Matt as The Doctor, I've been a fan sense i was 7 years old and wanted to be The Doctor just as long, so i'm gonna watch it no matter what. And I hope alot of the long time viewers will as well.

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Laz

What I Have Learned From Movies Pt. 1

2010-01-10T16:57:00.000-05:00

As I'm sure you're all aware, I have watched alot of movies in my lifetime, and as you would expect, I've learned a great deal from the myriad of film viewing I have done, some good, some bad, some completely strange, and I felt for the run of it, i would share with you all, some of the many nuggets of wisdom I have garnered, in hopes that maybe it can teach all of you somethings you didn't know, and thus, spreading my knowledge unto the world... So with out any more delay, here we go...

What I have Learned From A Lifetime Of Watching Movies Pt. 1:

The Ravings Of A Mind Raised On Cinema.

1. If you travel back in time in a 1981 Delorean to get away from rocket launcher packing Libyans in a VW Bus, that negates the butterfly effect rule of time travel, and you can do anything, even take your mom's virginity and it doesn't effect anything.

2. Hitting mentally challenged bald men with lead pipes do not cause them any harm at all.

3. Growing mysterious venus flytrap looking plants that magically appear during total eclipse of the sun or thunderstorms always leads to trouble.

4. Every detective in the 1970s ended a case by sitting alone in a hot tub with 10 superfly 1970s style honeys, two of which will always have a giant afro, there is no exceptions to this rule.

5. Killer Whales are smart enough to understand the concepts of vengeance, revenge, and that if you take out the supports of a dock, you will kill more humans in less time.

6. If you drop toxic waist in their habitat, frogs will turn against humans and try and kill us all.

7. only the nerdy virgin and the uptight hot girl survive summer camp rampages, they then fall in love after having bonded over running for their lives as they left their friends to die at the hands of a hockey mask wearing mental case.

8. Snowmen have DNA

9. You can build a complicated computer powered time machine out of a steam powered locomotive using 1885 tech and parts.

10. Coco Cola fixes everything. EVERYTHING.

11. If you are stuck in a Zombie Epidemic, the strong, protective and kind member of your group will be the first one of you to fall to the zombie horde.

12. If a woman grows to 50 Feet tall, all she will want is sex

13. There are Teenagers on Uranus, and at any time, they will come to earth looking for hep cats and groovy chicks to teach them how to swing like they do on earth.

14. If a man gets turned into Raquel Welch, he must go completely insane, and forcefully rape a male doctor while laughing evilly.

15. Godzilla is both man's greatest line of defense, and its worst threat to life

16. The best way to deal with a high school bully is to bring a gun to school and start to slaughter his followers with out remorse or quarter.

17. Somewhere out in space, is a giant transforming planet that eats other planets and has a mouth that looks alot like an anus.

18. flying around a sun and slingshotting around the back of it at warp 9.9 will allow you to travel back in time to the very year and date you wanted with out any careful calibration or thought on the matter.

19. Greek gods have nothing better to do with their time then to come to earth and use their powers to help create roller discos 5 years after the roller disco craze ended.

20. Never piss off Mieko Kaji, she will kill you in very horrible ways.

21. Wizards are jerks.

22. David Bowie's package is the scariest thing known to creation.

23. If you haven't seen Dennis Hopper clearly drugged out of his mind, waving around two long chainsaws and screaming bible verses, then you haven't truly lived.

24. Apparently, Christopher Lee is Dracula

25. Every movie made before 1940 was about a prostitute or a mobster or a prostitute mobster.

26. Never, ever, under any circumstances, get off the boat.

27. The entire US Marine Corps is made up of clones of John Wayne, R. Lee Ermy and Steve McQueen.

28. The 1968 Ford Mustang Fastback has 14 hubcaps.

29. Patrick Stewart really is Professor Charles Xavier.

30. In 1980 summer camp trips consisted of the following activities; having teenage sex, drinking and then having teenage sex, getting high on pot then having teenage sex, drinking, getting high on pot and having teenage sex, running for your life from the large undead man with the machete who wants to kill you for no real reason other then to kill you, then having teenage sex. And if you were the nerdiest of the nerd kids, you ended up having teenage sex with either the hottest girl at camp, the hottest female councilor at camp, or both.

31. the only way to kill a zombie is to blast its motherf---ing head off.... baby.

32. Steve Martin is not funny.

33. Will Smith can play a convincing white man in Men in Black, but Nick Cage plays a horrible black man in World Trade Center.

34. Very unsettling things happened in british movie theaters in the late 1960s.

35. Apparently, Ray Leota can cast magic.

36. putting a banana in the tailpipe of a car will foil drug smugglers.

37. Every villain monologues just before the hero kicks their ass.

38. Rabbits live complicated lives.

39. If a robotic war mech is hit with lightening, it will gain self awareness and then discover a wise cracking sarcastic personality, which will then end Steve Gotenberg's career, what little there was of that to begin with.

40. if you're going to die in a gunfight, atleast look cool as you do it.

41. You can beat Dracula with the power of lucha libre style wrestling

well thats it for part one, i'll come up with more later... enjoy!

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Laz

Quentin Tarantino's Top 20 Grindhouse Films

2010-01-10T16:56:00.000-05:00

Found this on the net, figured i'd post it...

Quentin Tarantino's Top 20 Grindhouse Films

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Dawn of the Dead

Night of the Living Dead

Halloween

Coffy

Rolling Thunder

Five Fingers of Death

The Mack

The Girl From Starship Venus

The Last House On The Left

Master of the Flying Guillotine

Wipeout

The Streetfighter movies ("You just have to kinda consider all three of them together." - QT)

The Psychic

The Lady in Red

Thriller: A Cruel Picture

Suspiria

Hammer of the Gods

The Savage Seven

The Pom Pom Girls

Hmm.. I don't know, I do agree with some of these, but not all honestly, Im surprised afew are missing, Doleomite, Enter The Dragon and Shaft given how influential those films were and their place in pop culture. I'm surprised And Soon The Darkness isn't there, nor is The Klansman, or the Female Prisoner Scorpion films, or even The Pyx, which is very under rated, sure its not worthy of #1, but it should rank somewhere in the teens. I also don't agree with Last House or Thriller being so low on the list, and really? no Baby Love? Honestly? I would have figured that would be right up The Q's alley... very suprising indeed.

Anyway, thats my thoughts, what are yours?

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Laz

30 Greatest Horror Movies of All Time

2010-01-10T16:51:00.001-05:00

I figure for the fun of it, i would do a list of what i saw as the greatest horror movies of all time, mostly because i like to do lists, and also because i felt this is the right time of year to do it. Plus, the horror film is a staple of the grindhouse era of cinema, there isn't a person over the age of 30 that doesn't remember either going out to a drive in and being scared senseless, or huddled into an inner city grindhouse to watch some mindless weapon of destruction go around destroying people to the delight of the crowd at least once. Its a tradition as old as cinema itself, and once a year, we sit down in crowded living rooms, or old dark revival theaters, or modern ones, to be collectively scared out of our wits, so with that said, lets get into this shall we? Here is my list of the 30 Greatest Horror movies of all time...

30. 'Eyes Without a Face' (1960)
Not to be confused with Billy Idol's ballad of the same name, George Franju's Eyes Without Face crafts a terrifying tale of scientific depravity with this black and white thriller about a doctor who kidnaps young women in order to perfect a surgical procedure that may restore his daughter's tarnished beauty. Written by the same scribes who carved out such classics as Vertigo and Diabolique, the film is heavy on atmosphere and simultaneously on almost clinical creepiness; made in 1958, the film's surgery scenes are among the most realistic ever filmed, and are further enhanced by the dreamlike imagery of Franju's direction. This list's glass of champagne to wash down 24 bottles of beer, Eyes Without a Face offers elegant thrills for horror fans who prefer a little ambience with their amputations.

29. 'Carrie' (1976)
It has a deceptively humble premise (shy girl with a crazy mom and supernatural powers just wants to fit in), but even in a pre-Columbine world, Brian De Palma's take on a Stephen King novel was enough to give teens and their parents nightmares. And in today's climate, it simply resonates with horror. Plus, ofcourse it gave the world the greatest random line of all, ... ahem... "They're all gonna laugh at you!"

28. 'Rosemary's Baby' (1968)
Roman Polanski's deliciously paced thriller is part satanic horror, part paranoid delusion. We know something's not right with hubby (John Cassavetes), but isn't pregnant Rosemary (Mia Farrow) letting hormones get the best of her, suspecting everyone she meets? Nope, she's right. Never mind.

27. 'The Haunting' (1963)
Multi-genre master Robert Wise ('Sound of Music,' 'The Set-Up') wasn't afraid of no ghosts, and he sure spooked the nation with this still-scary flick. The most definitive haunted house movie of them all, 'The Haunting' spawned 'Poltergeist,' 'Amityville' and, of course, countless episodes of 'Scooby-Doo.' Oh well two of those three things aren't a bad thing.

26. 'The Stranglers of Bombay' (1960)
The British East India Company is disturbed by a number of unexplained disappearances of travelers in India and sends military officer Connaught-Smith to investigate. Captain Lewis is dismayed that the relatively inexperienced Connaught-Smith has been assigned to the case and when his servant goes missing, Lewis carries out his own investigation and discovers a cult of murderous Thuggees. Plus, this is the first of the Hammer Studios classics on this list, cuz I do love my Hammer Horror.

25. 'The Bride of Frankenstein' (1935)
The monster takes a wife -- and horror fans were invited to the reception. James Whale's compelling classic is the perfect marriage of poignant romance and creature discomforts. And as for the unholy union, turns out the couple was catastrophically mismatched. Fun fact; James Whale not only made The Frankenstein films, but is celibrated as one of the best pre-code hollywood directors of all time, if you are able to find it, watch his 1931 masterwork "Waterloo Bridge", brilliant film that actually got him the job directing Frankenstein.

24. 'The Damned' (1963)
In Weymouth, American Simon Wells is attacked by a gang of local thugs led by the brutal King, who resents Wells flirting with his sister Joanie. When King and his gang later try to attack Wells again, he and Joanie fall from a cliff and are rescued by a group of children who emerge from a nearby research facility run by scientist Bernard. The children are the radioactive subjects of experiments being run by Bernard, the offspring of women exposed to high levels of radiation to produce children capable of surviving a nuclear war.

23. 'The Shining' (1980)
On the one hand, Stanley Kubrick's film is a drama of a father driven mad by inadequacy (Jack Nicholson, a little TOO good at playing crazy); on the other, it's a nightmarish landscape of dead twins, a possessed little boy and a naked woman who turns into a corpse. Either way, it'll scare the crap out of you. Neat fact, the doors that were used for the ironic axe through the door scene, where Jack says "heres johnny!", are all still in the Stanley Hotel where the movie was filmed, they're stored in a room under the hotel, they are not sure which door was the one that was actually used on screen in the final cut, so they aren't able to know which one to send to the Smithsonian, who have requested it for their film and television wing.

22. 'Psycho' (1960)
The shriek of violins, the flash of a knife, Janet Leigh's horrified face: The shower scene in 'Psycho' is perhaps the most terrifying scene in movie history, but Hitchcock's classic unnerves in countless other ways, from Norman Bates' creepy (yet oddly sympathetic) mama's boy to the film's final, shocking twist. Plus, its made almost 50 years worth of people double check a bathroom before they get into a shower, thats something pretty impressive.

21. 'Jaws' (1975)
The film that has made all of two generations scared to get in the ocean, and is seen as the very first blockbuster film ever made, Jaws continues to thrill, delight and terrify people even 34 days after its release. It scares us because of the unknown aspect, there is no unyielding monster who only wishes to kill, or a mental case with a chainsaw, or some unknown alien bent on eating humans beings because of how tasty we are, or wishing to enslave us, or any of that stuff, this is simply the story of a great white shark who seems to have a thing for swimmers, what scares us about this one is that you hardly ever see the shark, only when he's about to attack, that unknown factor, thats what scares us all still.

20. 'Straight On Till Morning' (1972)
Shy Brenda Thompson writes naive children's stories to amuse herself. Stifled and desperate for a man of her own, she leaves Liverpool, telling her mom she's pregnant, and gets a job in a boutique in London. She moves in with the promiscuous but good-hearted Caroline but the mod set shuns her for her plain looks. Then she kidnaps a strange young man's dog, so as to perhaps get to know him while returning it. The young man turns out to be Peter, a psychopath with a predilection for killing beautiful things. He renames Brenda Wendy, and they start a hopeful, if strange, relationship. It might have a chance, if it weren't for Peter's murderous secrets. This is one of those many forgotten gems of the Hammer Horror Catalog, its a thriller thats got very few contemporaries for both its time and of all time. Brilliant and terrifying film..

19. 'Halloween' (1978)
Oft-emulated but never equaled, John Carpenter's moody masterpiece is as terrifying today as it was 29 years ago. Vacant-eyed Michael Myers is soulless evil personified, the score bone-chilling, the cinematography eerily sublime and the overall impression unshakeable. Put simply, it is horror perfection. I should mention that I had issues deciding if I should give the spot I allotted for Halloween for the original, or the equally brilliant remake done by Rob Zombie, and though I love Zombie's take on the film, giving Myers a tragically identifiable human side to him that makes us care for a psychopathic mass murderer, I decided in the end to go with the traditionalist in me, and take the original, I think I made the right choice, its actually the choice I had to make for afew films on here, but you'll see what I mean as we go on.

18. 'Demons Of The Mind' (1972)
Baron Zorn keeps his teenaged children locked up and drugged, fearing that his insane wife passed along a congenital curse to them before her own suicidal death. Elizabeth escapes for a brief tryst with a local before being recaptured and subjected to a bleeding process to 'draw out the bad blood.' Emil keeps trying to escape, but is thwarted time and again by his aunt Hilda who runs the house like a prison. One reason the siblings have to be kept apart, is their incestuous attraction to each other. Local wenches are being murdered in the woods, and the superstitious peasants think demons are responsible. A wandering Priest dedicates himself to root out the evil, but isn't taken seriously. Arriving at the castle are two more interested parties: Mountebank scientist-huckster Falkenberg stands to make a small fortune if his strange apparatus can cure the children of their inherited evil. Young Carl simply wants to rescue Elizabeth. As more murders mount, Falkenberg enlists village lass Inge to play the dead mother in a psychodrama that he hopes will shock the children from their morbid state; but Baron Zorn's symptoms of derangement soon make it obvious that the doctor is treating the wrong patient. This is one of those great screwed up films that you don't think will amount to much, but in the end you find yourself watching in a clambered state of terror, fear and excitement on how its gonna all end, this is another of those great forgotten gems.

17. 'Frankenstein' (1931)
Based on the Mary Shelley novel about a mad scientist who reanimates dead tissue, this is a lasting film that helped to define the horror genre early on. Featuring Boris Karloff as Frankenstein's monster, it is a masterpiece of mood. The characterization of the monster makes him utterly human, making for a rare sympathetic character in horror cinema. Who can forget the famous line "It's alive!" or the monster throwing a young girl into the pond when he runs out of flower petals? This is such a great film by the great and forgotten James Whale, sure it differs ALOT from the book of which its based on, and normally that would annoy me, but I think it makes its own distinctively different masterwork out of the story, driving home the impact that regardless of intent, if we were to ever conquior death, and bring give life back to the dead, we would fear and wish to destroy it, its just our nature, as much as we don't wish to admit it.

16. 'Leftbank' (2008)
Called 'Linkeroever' in its native Belgium, and directed by the up and coming in the international market Pieter Van Hees, Leftbank tells the story of two lovers who discover that their home in a mysterious apartment building on the fashionable and trendy left bank of Antwerp Belgium. With out giving to much of it away, this tells the story of their decent into madness and tests their true human nature, as they try and figure out the mysterious reason of which bad things happen to them, and why its connected to their building and their apartment, its a mental mindscrew at its best really, the unknown danger, the unknowing evil, the unable to prevent it from happening aspect, it gets in your head and won't get out. I should also state this is the newest of the films on my list, its not that i don't enjoy modern horror, some of its really good, its just as the grindhouse specialist, I feel alot of films are not given their due given being outshined by other more iconic or better known films, that I don't think are that great, I had to really decide between this one or the Swedish film "let the right one in" for my list though, had i though of allowing for ties, i'd have them both, but, this won the coin toss.

15. 'The Pyx' (1973)
A motorist witnesses a woman falling or jumping from a tenement building. Police arrive on the scene and find a crucifix and a small metal container (a pyx). As the investigation continues, it is revealed that the dead woman is Elizabeth Lucy, a prostitute and heroin addict. Suspects in Elizabeth's death are soon murdered one by one, and evidence of occult ritual begins to surface, leading to a confrontation with a cult leader who may be possessed by Satan himself. Whats interesting about this film is that the scenes of the cult, and how they work and worship is specially scary, it makes you feel very unsettled that such people could live in the same world as you, and I have always loved that The Pyx is told in after Elizabeth's death/before Elizabeth's death sequence which alternates until the film's climax. Thats always great when its done right.

14. 'Nightmare' (1964)
Schoolgirl Janet is so traumatised by witnessing her mother murdering her father that she starts to have visions that she will end up a killer herself and will end up in a psychiatric institution. Driven to distraction by a series of strange happenings, Janet stabs to death Helen Baxter, the wife of her guardian, Henry. With the help of a sympathetic teacher, Janet starts to uncover a cruel conspiracy against her... This is another of those classics of Hammer's thriller department that not everyone is aware was ever made, and when you finally see it, you feel kind of like you'd been missing out on being able to tell your friends of this brilliant chiller all these years because you're sure none of them actually have seen it either. Or maybe its just that I love psychological thrillers because I see a movie that messes with your mind is a better scare then waving fake blood at a screen. who knows.

13. 'Suspiria' (1977}
Although a far lesser known work than Halloween, Italian horror classic Suspiria released a year before and likely influenced Carpenter's film. Goblin's amazing score is among the best horror scores ever created. Along with a few other directors such as Mario Bava, Argento rejuvenated the Italian horror genre with his bloody, nightmarish work. More than just a gore-fest, his film is also deeply psychological and visually breathtaking. This is the first in the brilliant Argento's "Three Mothers" series, which recently ended with Mother Of Tears, and alot of people might look at it strangely today, but, you must see this, if you only wanna find one film off this list, you gotta see this one, its honestly a great film that still to this day scares the hell out of people.

12. 'Dawn Of The Dead' (2004)
Zack Snyder may have carried with him the inestimable pedigree of being a 'commercial director' when entering into this potentially disastrous remake of George Romero's classic zombie tome, but anyone who watches the film's first ten minutes is guaranteed to forget all of their objections and join the talented helmer for a raucous thrill ride unsurpassed by virtually any other horror movie made in the new millennium. Ving Rhames, Jake Weber and a game Sarah Polley hold together this ramshackle remake, which changes a few key elements of Romero's story for modern audiences (the zombies can run) and retains others (the careful character study) both for horror fans current and classic. While the subsequent slate of horror remakes failed to similarly raise pulses, Snyder's Dawn is satisfying – and scary – enough to sustain fans through a dozen more crash-and-burn creep-fests. This is the other film I stepped outside of my semi-rule about modern horror for, simply because, I felt this film represented the idea of Dawn of The Dead better, I take nothing from the great George A. Romero, I have great respect and love for him, but I just felt this one fit the concept better, George himself actually agrees with me on that.

11. 'Let's Scare Jessica to Death' (1971)
In the film Jessica, (Zohra Lampert), her husband (Barton Heyman), and a friend (Kevin O'Connor) retreat to a Victorian farmhouse in an isolated part of rural Connecticut, after Jessica's release from a mental institution, following a nervous breakdown. Once there, the trio encounter an enigmatic hippie named Emily (Mariclare Costello) who is living in the house, and almost immediately, Jessica's madness resumes - increasing evidence from Jessica's point of view mounts to the fact that Emily may be a ghost and/or vampire, and that all those inhabiting the island are as well -- though the viewer is never sure whether the subsequent turn of events are all in Jessica's mind, or whether something sinister is truly after her.

10. 'Dracula' (1931)
1931's Dracula not only launched the career of star Bela Lugosi (who previously starred as the Count in the Broadway version of the Bram Stoker novel) but also marked the start of a series of horror films in the 1930s, mainly from Universal (who would release Frankenstein just a few months later). The film's arguably strongest moments are in the beginning, as we're introduced to the incredibly creepy Count Dracula with some very eerie, atmospheric camerawork by cinematographer Karl Freund. Lugosi's delivery of several key lines, in his native Hungarian accent, stand as classics to this very day, including "Listen to them. Children of the night. What mu-u-u-sic they make." and "I never drink...wi-i-i-ne."

9. 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' (1978)
Philip Kaufman's flick about aliens bent on repopulating Earth with emotionless "pod people" packs an even more terrifying punch than the '56 original. Its bleak ending featuring a bug-eyed, screaming Donald Sutherland is enough to give grown men nightmares. I find this one better then the original in the fact that its used as sort of a lampoon and satire the "Me Decade" matra of the 1970s, with the psychiatrist, Dr. David Kibner (Leonard Nimoy), a character who is a popular self-help guru who dismisses the other characters' fears until he is uncovered as a duplicate himself. If this was ment be true or not, i do not know, but it adds to the fear and the confusion of the film, that draws you in and won't let you out until the very end of it all. Sure you look at it now, and you laugh, like with most classic horror films, but you gotta look at the time period and then you'll understand why the idea of pod people getting their Stepford Wives on, is completely terrifying, hell even today its scary.

8. 'Nosferatu' (1922)
Perhaps one of the most notorious film productions of all time, director F.W. Murnau's film ranks as one of the great silent films and remains a classic staple of the horror genre. Somewhat ironically, the storyline and star Max Shreck's creepy appearance were created out of necessity when Murnau failed to secure the rights to Bram Stoker's Dracula novel. Murnau was determined to make his film anyway, and the silent went into a storied production that would later become the basis for the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire. Shreck was notoriously reclusive on set, and the film took the mystery a step further, purposing that the actor was actually a real life vampire. Whatever your take, Shreck's Count Orlok is probably scarier than any Dracula ever portrayed since on screen. This is the grandfather of every single vampire movie thats even been made, and honestly, if you haven't seen this, you are not a horror person, its that simple.

7. 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (1974)
Filmed on a nightmarish set with a near-tortured cast, Texas Chainsaw Massacre stands as one of the most visceral, primal films set to celluloid. Loosely based on Ed Gein (who is from Wisconsin, not Texas), whose bizarre and macabre repurposing of human bodies made international headlines, it is a chilling account of a group of travelers taking a wrong turn that makes all the difference. Set predominantly in and around the creepiest house ever recorded by film, the film introduces us to Leatherface, an oaf of a man whose only pleasure is killing and skinning victims, only to use their body parts to form furniture and even his own mask. This happens to be one of the most iconic of all the horror films of all time, sure its silly when you look at it today, and many sight the remake in 2004 to be a much better film that fits the concept and idea better, but this is just such a beautifully horrific film, it will terrify you in a way that most movies won't, it really is pretty good as classic horror goes.

6. 'The Wicker Man' (1973)
Based on David Pinner's novel The Ritual, the story is about a Scottish police officer, Sergeant Neil Howie, visiting the isolated island of Summerisle to search for a missing girl whom the locals claim never existed. The inhabitants of Summerisle all celebrate a reconstructed form of Celtic paganism, which appalls the devoutly Christian Sergeant. The Wicker Man is generally well regarded by critics and film enthusiasts. Film magazine Cinefantastique described it as "The Citizen Kane of Horror Movies", and during 2004 the magazine Total Film named The Wicker Man the sixth greatest British film of all time. It also won the 1978 Saturn Award for Best Horror Film. A scene from this film was #45 on Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments. The work was later allocated as the first film of The Wicker Man Trilogy, with a sequel entitled The Wicker Tree, based on the book Cowboys for Christ by Robin Hardy, currently in production. A third film, The Twilight of the Gods, is set for a later release. There is a remake from not to long ago, but its best to forget that film was ever made, its just, plain horrible, and shouldn't be remembered at all, not even Nick Cage could save it. Which in itself is scary.

5. 'Madhouse' (1974)
Based on a novel called Devilday (1969) by Angus Hall, the film is the last horror movie that Price made for American International Pictures, where he had worked consistently (mostly on Edgar Allan Poe adaptations) since 1960. Co-star Robert Quarry was being groomed to replace Price, but low-budget horror films fell out of fashion after the release of The Exorcist. Price plays Paul Toombes, a horror actor whose trademark role is 'Dr. Death'. Years after a scandal ends his film career (his fiancee is murdered and Toombes ends up in an asylum, suspected but never convicted of the crime), the embittered Toombes revives his character for a television series. Cast and crew begin to die in ways that suggest scenes from Toombes's films (which are represented here by clips of Price's AIP efforts), and they all point to Toombes. Now, Toombes must find and confront the real killer, before he becomes the killer's next victim. This is one of those great Price films that you just can't move away from after you've seen it start, sure its camp to many, but come on, this is Vincent Price, the master of horror, and ironically the dominate person in my top 10.

4. 'Friday the 13th' (1980)
Although many immediately associate the Friday the 13th movies with the character of Jason Vorhees, the original does not even introduce him until the very end (the hockey mask comes much later). Friday the 13th took the momentum created by John Carpenter's Halloween and accelerated it, leading to a slew of sequels and copycats throughout the '80s. Now on its tenth installment (and 11th if you count Freddy vs. Jason, Friday the 13th has risen above cult status and become a full-blown cultural phenomenon. The original is a great example of what makes slashers so scary and fun, and as a bonus, it serves as a great linking point when playing "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.". I put this one on here simply because it started what I see as the greatest of the "slasher" franchises, sure most Slasher fans will tell you that Jason Vorhees doesn't really appear as we know him until the second film, but, its always best to count a starting film when talking about a whole series.

3. 'The Abominable Dr. Phibes' (1971)
Anton Phibes, a famous organist with doctorates in Music and Theology was thought to have been killed in a car crash in 1921 while rushing to the side of his sick wife, Victoria. He in fact survived the crash but was horribly disfigured. He fashions himself a wig and lifelike mask to hide his injuries, and using his musical expertise creates a system whereby he can speak through a hose connecting his windpipe to a gramophone. When Phibes discovers that his wife had died on the operating table he is convinced that she was a victim of incompetent doctors, and spends several years planning a vendetta against those who operated on her, and begins killing them in 1925. Inspector Trout suspects Phibes, but finds little support from Scotland Yard. Trout is also hindered by the incompetence of his police force. Eventually Dr. Vesalius, head of the team of doctors that operated on Phibes's wife, begins to believe inspector Trout is right and aids him in the hunt for Phibes. Using various highly imaginative methods, Dr. Phibes kills seven doctors and a nurse with the help of his beautiful and silent female assistant Vulnavia (played by actress Virginia North). He has reserved the final punishment for Dr. Vesalius. He kidnaps the doctor's son and places him on a table on which a container full of acid is waiting to destroy the boy's face. A small key implanted near the boy's heart will free him, but Vesalius must perform the surgery within six minutes to get the key before the acid falls. The operation succeeds and the acid instead strikes Vulnavia. Convinced he has accomplished his vendetta, Phibes retreats to a stone sarcophagus beside the embalmed body of his wife. As he drains out his own blood and replaces it with embalming fluid the coffin's inlaid stone lid slides into place, concealing them both in darkness. Trout and the police arrive and discover that Phibes has mysteriously disappeared. Trout and Vesalius recall that the "final curse" was darkness and they speculate that they will encounter Phibes again. And they did in the second film in the series, but thats a film thats not exactly ready for a top 30 list.

2. 'And Soon the Darkness' (1970)
Jane (Pamela Franklin) and Cathy (Michele Dotrice) are two young nurses from London, taking a cycling holiday in rural France. When they stop at a busy cafe, Jane wants to plan their route, but Cathy is more interested in a handsome man (Sandor Elès), whom she spies drinking alone at the next table. Later, as Jane and Cathy make their way along a quiet country road, the man, who rides a moped, overtakes them, and they pass him a few minutes later, as he rests by a cemetery gate. Cathy becomes intrigued by him. Stopping for a rest, Cathy decides she wants to sunbathe for a while, but Jane wants to push on. Eventually they argue, and Jane decides to carry on alone. A short while later, at a lonely café, the owner tries to tell Jane, in poor English, that the area has a bad reputation. She begins to reconsider her decision, and heads back to the spot where she left Cathy earlier, unaware that something has already happened. Unable to find her friend, and increasingly concerned about the presence of the moped rider, Jane decides to look for the local police officer (John Nettleton). Jane becomes convinced that the moped driver, who is called Paul, and who says he is a plain-clothes detective, is in fact Cathy's attacker. She escapes from him and re-encounters the policeman, who is then revealed as Cathy's actual murderer. This is one of my ALL TIME favorite films of all time, and the second scariest film I've ever seen, this'll really blow your mind.

and finally...

1. 'The Last House On The Left' (1972)
Mari Collingwood (Sandra Cassel) plans to celebrate her 17th birthday by attending a concert with her friend, Phyllis Stone (Lucy Grantham). Her parents express concern both at the band and Mari's friendship with Phyllis, who is implied to be of a lower social class. They let her go, giving her a peace symbol necklace as a gift before she leaves. Phyllis and Mari go to the city for the concert. On the way, they hear a news report on the car radio of a recent prison escape, involving violent criminals by the names of Krug Stillo (David Hess), his son Junior (Marc Sheffler), Sadie (Jeramie Rain) and Fred "Weasel" Podowski (Fred J. Lincoln). After the concert which ends late at night, Mari and Phyllis stroll the streets, seeking someone who might sell marijuana. They find Junior, who leads them back to an apartment, where they are immediately trapped by the criminals. Phyllis, who resists, is punched in the stomach and raped. Meanwhile, Mari's unsuspecting parents prepare a surprise party for her. The next morning, the girls are locked in a car trunk and taken to the countryside as the gang intends to leave the state. The villains' vehicle malfunctions right in front of Mari's house while police are in her home talking to Mari's parents about her disappearance. Removed from the trunk, Phyllis is beaten after biting Krug's hand; meanwhile, Mari, bound and gagged, realizes that they are near her own home as she is dragged to the woods. In the woods, the girls are untied, and Phyllis is subjected to torment and sadistic humiliation by the gang. Afterwards, Mari and Phyllis are lying on the grass. Phyllis whispers to Mari she will try to run away to distract the kidnappers and offer Mari an opportunity to escape. Phyllis runs, chased by Sadie and Weasel, while Junior stays behind to guard Mari, who makes a desperate attempt to convince the troubled addict that he does not need to listen to his abusive father because Dr. Collingwood, her father, can help him instead. She also gives him her peace symbol necklace as a symbol of her trust. Meanwhile, Phyllis is eventually cornered, tortured with a knife, stabbed fatally, and disemboweled by Weasel and the gang. Mari eventually convinces Junior to let her go, but they are immediately halted by Krug. Sadie and Weasel present Phyllis' severed hand and Krug proceeds to carve his name into Mari's chest before violating her sexually. Soon after this act, Mari, sick from the shock of being raped, vomits and then walks into a nearby lake. Krug shoots at Mari and her body floats on the top of the lake. Krug, Sadie, and Weasel wash and change out of their bloody clothes. In their new attire, the gang go to the Collingwoods' home, masquerading as traveling salesmen. Mari's parents agree to let them stay overnight. Junior exposes their identity when his withdrawal symptoms cause him to vomit in the bathroom, where Mari's mother, Estelle, sees Mari's peace symbol necklace dangling around his neck. Later that night she listens in to the gang while they are spending the night in Mari's bedroom and finds blood-soaked clothing in their luggage. She and Dr. Collingwood rush out into the woods, where the couple finds Mari's body by the lake barely alive. Outside, Estelle dupes Weasel into a sex game, in which she performs fellatio on him then bites him in the groin area, apparently mutilating him. Inside the house, Dr. Collingwood carries his shotgun into his daughter's bedroom, where two of the criminals are sleeping. Krug escapes into the living room and overpowers the doctor, but the criminal is then confronted by his own son, who now brandishes a firearm. Junior threatens to kill his father. Krug psychologically manipulates the already troubled young man, and Junior commits suicide with the weapon. As soon as Krug notices that Dr. Collingwood is missing, the doctor attacks Krug with a chainsaw. The sheriff arrives and pleads with the doctor to let Krug go. Dr. Collingwood kills Krug with the chainsaw anyway. Sadie runs outside, where she trips and drops her weapon. Estelle tackles Sadie, and after a struggle, Sadie punches Estelle but trips once again and falls into the family's pool. Estelle catches up with Sadie and slits her throat. The couple reunites in their living room in their blood-spattered clothes. This is far the most shockingly scary film I have ever seen, its brutal beyond anything I've ever seen, its scary because its not with any evil monster, its not with any occult evil, nothing more then just pure unrivaled human brutality. And that is the scariest thing of all.

Films that just barely missed out: I Spit On Your Grave, The House On Haunted Hill (original), Orka, The Butcher, House of Dark Shadows, Night Of Dark Shadows, Blood on Satan's Claw, Hands of the Ripper, The House That Dripped Blood, Murders in the Rue Morgue, She Killed in Ecstasy, Dracula AD 1972, And Now the Screaming Starts, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, The Legend of Hell House, Carnival of Souls (literally lost out by one point on my list), Black Christmas (original), The Bloody Exorcism of Coffin Joe, The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, The Omen (original), The Exorcist (original), The Car... and ok well alot more... but you get the idea.

Well thats my list, I hope you all enjoy it as much as i enjoyed making it.

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Laz

Why I Love Linda Hayden

2010-01-10T16:50:00.003-05:00

I would once again do another rambley post of some obscure or forgotten film actress who I just love, sure its abit overly male of me, but hollywood and film the world over has been built on the backs of the concept of a "starlet", its an artform that I think has been pushed aside in favor of cookie cutter packaged women who look like they were built to fit a certain market instead of truly talented. The days of the starlet are gone, but not at all forgotten....

With that said, i would like to show you all Linda Hayden, most of you will not know who she is, and thats fine, because i'm gonna tell you!

Linda Hayden, like many who I've rambled on about started out in what we call "sexplotation" films, which aren't pornographic films, but rather films that feature either alot of nudity, or an overly adult plot, they are infact not much worse then our modern films that garner each country's version of the R-Rating. I first saw Linda in, what happens to be her first film, a shocking but brilliant late 1960s british sexplotition film called "Baby Love", which is of note because she was 15 years old at the filming of, the same age as her character, but given the overly sexual nature of the film, and what Linda's character of Lucy does through out the film, having an underage girl star and preform was unheard of, and still is. Its also illegal in many countries.

Though to be honest Linda does it as incredibly well, or as well as can be expected playing a teenage seductress who seduces an entire family in order to later tell each of them what she'd done and laugh at their reactions, the film is also of note for the fact its one of the first sexplotition films to show a scene where two women depicted in a sexual nature, and its also noted for having its much talked about "Movie Theater Scene", where in Lucy and an older gentleman who happens to be there engage in a lude act while watching a film, its of note as being one of the most erotic of the sexplotation age, as well as one of the most creepy to.

After her rather shocking role as Lucy, Linda garnered the eye of the visionaries of British film and creators of British Horror known as Hammer Studios, with who Linda would stay for many films, her first was Blood on Satan's Claw as well as the original version of the cult film Night Watch and equaly cult film Madhouse, Satan's Claw is somewhat forgotten joy of cheese horror that often gets lost in the Hammer catalog of awesome where as the others are ranked highly among the droves of Hammer Studio and Horror films in general, she also starred briefly in the forgotten british sitcom "Now Look Here", Linda also continued to do some racey films, among them the film "Expose" which is alot of times also called "The House On Straw Hill" and is seen in the same vain as "The Last House On The Left" its also the film which many see as more of shocking then her first role in Baby Love, and with good reason given the violence and sexual nature of it.

In her later years Linda took smaller roles, and traveled between america and england doing television, and focusing on theater work as well, trying to keep a low profile and let her early overly sexy years on the screen be forgotten or allowed to stand as what they are. Linda doesn't say she regrets her early years, she often says she's proud of what she could do, and what she'd done, saying any other young beautiful girl if given the chance would do what she did, she'll soon be paying homage to it by starring in the soon to be made remake of "Expose", which has an insane buzz around it, and from the script i've seen, i can't say i blame the buzz, it looks really good, and hopefully will be just as good, if not better...

Well thats it for now, I hope you've all enjoyed my post as much as i have... back soon...

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Laz

Afterlife

2010-01-10T16:45:00.000-05:00

Afterlife:

Sometimes The Spirits Choose You

Not many people were aware of this fact, but, in 2005, Britain's ITV produced and aired what I see as possibly the greatest science fiction series ever made. Oh sure, people will argue over the whole "best sci fi show ever" thing, its one of those things that just comes down to personal opinion, but for me, this series "Afterlife", is the greatest, it tells a story of a sad woman, who lives a sad self induced lonely life, because she feels that others can't really understand why she feels she is different then them, you see, her name is Alison Mundy, and she can see the dead, not in her dreams, she sees them walking around, all among us, and alot of them, speak to her, wanting her help. It also tells the story of Dr Robert Bridge, a professor of psychology who is a devoted skeptic and disbeliever in people like Alison, claiming they are all fakes and cheats, Robert lost his young son Josh tragically not long before the show's first episode, his grief has caused a rift between him and his wife, whom he's separated from at the beginning of the series. Robert comes into contact with Alison by taking a class he's teaching on how to spot a fake psychic to a group reading she's doing. After the uncanny details she brings out, not only out of a student who later kills herself, but also about Robert himself, Robert becomes curious with her and asks to speak with her, taking her on as her therapist, he hopes to learn how she knew what she knew about him, and about that girl, the series follows their journeys together as she shows Robert that the world he knows, is not the world they live in. As the show goes on, Robert eventually writes a book about his travels with Alison, entitled "Afterlife: Sometimes The Spirits Choose You", from which the show takes its namesake and tag line.

The story is deeper then just a woman that can see ghosts and the doubtful but curious professor who's world of logic and order has been changed by her, and how they travel around the city of Bristol helping the spirits Alison sees find their rest, so they can go to where ever it is we go when we've died. Its really the story of two people who have been damaged beyond what most would believe to be repairable, and how they heal each other through their completely symbiotic relationship, where there is a deep emotional need for each other in their lives, Alison understand Robert's grief and sadness, and Robert understands Alison's feeling sheltered and withdrawn from the world who looks at her as if she's crazy, they are in a sense, the purest emotional bond, you could ever see. And though you find yourself wondering if there is more to their relationship then you see on the outside, at and times you find yourself wishing they would just love each other, it never does happen, its not ment to happen, they are ment to be exactly what they are, the closest emotionally that two people could ever become. It is their strength, and what drives them to pull each other out of their shells and into the world they share. You find yourself caring deeply for them both right up to the series' somber yet mindblowing end.

The main plot of the show is just as intense and important, some might call it formula given it follows the same basic idea as every other show about people that see ghosts, the spirit comes to Alison, who tries to dismiss it, until she can't any longer, she then tells Robert, who takes her to whoever she needs to go to, to help finish the spirit's business here on earth. And I can see how some might say thats the standard story for every show of this nature, and i guess thats true, but in reality, its the realistic way they do it, where you truly believe this is happening, that sets them apart, its not some "they come to me in my dreams" or "they call out to me till i find them" nonsense, the way they go about business, you truly do believe that there would be spirits walking around trying to find that one person who can see and hear and interact with them, its so realistic, and with afew swerves near the start, you find yourself wondering if its all in Alison's head and she's just getting lucky with these events, or if they're really there, by the end of the series though you realize, they are infact real, and its brought to undeniable proof at the end in a swerve you never see coming, and leaves you stunned and dazed.

The show in general is a joy to watch the casting is excellent, the lovely and very under rated Lesley Sharpe plays Alison as if she is really her, as if you are just walking into the daily life of a very unique and very special woman, who with out knowing her as we do, we find ourselves wondering if we'd even notice Alison if we were to see her on the street, and feeling really bad at how she feels she needs to recoil away from people and hide away. Andrew Lincoln plays Robert in a way that you feel as if any guy you know, could be him, you find yourself questioning yourself and your beliefs in everything through him, you truly believe he's recently lost his son and that its destroyed his life. Its just so well done and so much care taken into account, even the caliber of guest star is incredible, most noted is the brilliant David Threlfall of "Shameless" fame, who is just an insanely talented actor in his own right, its just amazing really. The writers are amazing and award winning as well, you truly get sucked into this series, and its all their fault.

Its hard to do a write up on a show of this nature really, its something that you can't start to talk about, because you won't stop till you've told someone the whole thing, and you don't wanna spoiler you want them to actually see it for themselves. Which is what i'd love you all to do... So if you haven't seen Afterlife just yet, then please, seek out this rare obscure gem of greatness and have a look, even if you aren't a ghost or sci fi fan, you will be sucked into this story, and just entraced by it.

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Laz

Durham County

2009-10-01T16:04:00.000-05:00

As many of you are aware, I am a huge supporter of going out and exploring the world through its television programs, almost, or even more so then its movies or music. Now as alot of you know, I've been a long time detractor of the "American way" of approaching television shows, and I have long spoken out in favor of downloading or watching streaming versions of television from all over the globe, I believe there is good out there, you just need to find it, you just need to look for it. Now, I will be the first to admit, I have found my fair share of winners, but, as happens, even among the good, there will rise afew things that enter the realm of excellent, something that is just perfect, perfect story, perfect actors, perfect director, perfect cinematographer, every single bit of it is just flawless, so flawless it leaves my mouth open and my jaw on on the floor with shock and wonder. The Canadian psychodrama Durham County, stands worthy of praise among the very few excellent. From its perfectly cast actors, to its iconic and sublime imagery that just spills out through out every single scene in a fashion that would make David Lynch or Oliver Stone sit there with their mouths agape in awe, to its eerie backing music, and true to life dialog, none of that "forced to sound current" crap I hate so much, this show truly is a joy to watch, and a joy to go frame by frame on. Seriously, I could do a post on just the iconic still shots on each episode alone.

Durham County is the story of two life long friends, who though the same, are polar opposites, Mike Sweeney; a cop who has moved back to his childhood home of Durham County, Ontario, that though brutal and unyielding at his job, and though socially awkward, is in his heart a good man who cares for his family and those around him and wants nothing more then to protect them from the bad in the world, and the other, Ray Prager; on the surface has everything, a successful business, is beloved by the townsfolk, has a beautiful wife and a son with a bright and shining future ahead of him, but under that exterior, Ray is a serial killer with a violent streak and and a mind twisted beyond belief. The show tells the story of how their lives, regardless of how much Mike tries to keep them apart, are headed for, and then have a violent collision, and over the first two seasons, you find out just how connected these two really are, with Ray bitter and angry deep down for Mike not only causing him an injury that kept him out of the NHL, but also, for abandoning him when they were younger. Ray states many times that Mike was the closest thing to a brother he ever had, and in the final episode of the first season expresses that everything went wrong when Mike left.

The rest of the cast are all equally intertwined as well, even if they don't realize it, Mike's wife Audrey Sweeney; who at the start of the series had only recently beaten what she thought was to be a fatal form of breast cancer, Audrey feels alienated and neglected, and has selfesteem issues from her cancer treatments, she isn't aware that Ray is being nice to her, even buying her some sexy lingerie, just to get into Mike's head and provoke him into reacting violently toward him, making Mike look like he's got it out for him over old unsettled scores. Mike's two daughters, Sadie and Mattie; Mattie is the younger daughter, and is abit strange, most of the first season she wears an mask that looks like an anime drawn face and talks about how she can smell the dead body of the man who died in their house before they bought it, in season two she no longer wears the mask, and has taken to being some what of a normal, even if weird 11 or 12 year old girl, her older sister Sadie, is more connected to her father, she wants to be a cop just like Mike, and is often seen making small dolls and restaging crime scenes in her old doll house to try and visualize and solve a crime, she is estranged from her mother who thinks she has issues with how sick she was, and in season two, do to the events at the end of season one, Sadie becomes the centerpoint of Ray's sick and twisted mental chess game, using her to not only drive her crazy, but to get at Mike by using old covered up events that happened after Mike had left to make Sadie doubt her father and wonder if he's really, as ray claims, just like him. The Sweeney family in general, though strong when needs be, are a family divided and detached from each other, given Audrey's illness, and Mike's overly protective though emotionally devoid personality, the family dynamic is completely fractured.

Tracy Prager, is Ray's wife, she is outgoing, friendly and fun to be around, she enjoys having parties and entertaining guests, she is a part time yoga teacher, and part time manager of the plumbing and bath store Ray owns, she enjoys her life of expensive things and high life parties, so much so she plays off when Ray does small things to hurt her, most noted in the series is in the pilot when Ray bumps her into a very hot metal grill and she burns herself, Tracy also loves her son Ray Jr. very much, and is very proud of him, she goes on often about how he was selected out of thousands of high school students to get a special writing scholarship, a thing that Ray seems jealous of and states repeatedly he doesn't want his son to go, that he should stay and learn the family business. Tracy disagrees, and after their arguments on the matter turn violent, she leaves Ray. Ray Prager Jr. is the son of Tracy and Ray Sr, he is the complete opposite of his father, he is kind, gentle, quiet and creative, he doesn't like to draw attention to himself or what he does, he is withdrawn and dismisses any attention or praise given to him for his writing, the only person he seems to deeply trust is Sadie, whom he expresses his deep love for by the end of season two. Ray Jr. kinds him conflicted though, torn between doing whats right, and protecting his father, the only shred of family he has left after his mom leaves, he wants to do what is right, but he also has trouble believing just how sick and twisted his father is, by the end of the second season he is forced to come face to face with just how sick his father is, and just what kind of a monster he is, and the fear that he doesn't want to ever end up just like his father, and that really the only ones who have ever looked out for him in his life are either dead, or trying to put his father way for life.

The entire first season of the series is the cat and mouse game between Mike and Ray, at the start of the first episode, Ray is in the woods outside of an old abandon farm he stayed at in his youth, he is hiding in the bushes watching a man and two teenage girls dressed in very short school girl style outfits as they engage in the starts of a sexual encounter, after using plastic ties to restrain both girls, the man then lays them face down, and bludgeons them both savagely in the head with a large rock, he then rapes them and leaves them for dead. Ray waits for him to leave, then comes out of his hiding place, to investigate, he then goes home, gets a picnic basket, and heads back out to the woods, where he rapes one of the bodies, then discovers that the other is still alive barely, he then has his way with her over and over over the course of afew days until her wounds get to much and she dies, Ray then cuts a lock of each of their hair, puts it in his basket and leaves. From this point on, Ray mimics the actions of that man he saw in the woods, his path crosses with him afew more times, once in a strip club, and another when he attempts to pick up Ray's wife Tracy, Ray exclaims that he knows what the man is, and what he's done, but that if he's read the news, Ray does it better then him. This is Ray's modus operandi, he is in a sense, a copycat serial killer, who the original has no idea is emulating him.

Its Ray's second victom, school teacher Nathalie Lacroix, a woman who has a deep connection to Mike, as well as the teacher who keeps pushing Ray Jr to be proud of his writing, saying he could be a great writer of he just stopped holding himself back. Ray kills her during a meeting she has with him about his son's future at a public park, when she starts to tell him of how good his son is as what he does, Ray gets enraged and starts to hit her, he beats her savagely and leaves her in a wooded area near some powerlines for dead, he then comes back to check on her later that night, he finds she's still alive, she puts up a bit of a fight but he grabs a large nearby rock and caves her skull in, but not before she stabs him with a pen leaving a deep gash in his arm, and blood and dna on her pen. After she's dead, Ray cuts her hair like he did the other two girls, and pushes her body into the lake and leaves her body there to float to shore. Mike is called in to investigate, he tells his partner that he recognizes her, and says she was a friend, Mike recognizes the cut of hair as a thing Ray and some of the others they hung out with as teenagers used to do to a girl they would sleep with, or bring to Ray's old farmhouse and brutally gang rape, you find out in the final episode of season one that there is a panel in the wall of the farmhouse that comes loose, and behind it, is a wall with the names of every one of the men Mike and Ray knew written on it, and each has some cuts of hair under it, Mike's name ofcourse is not found there, given that he said he never took part in that game of theirs.

From this point the first season is a race or sorts between Mike and Ray as Mike tries to prove that Ray killed Nathalie Lacroix, and the others he kills along the way, Mike has to fight uphill against Ray's large influence in Durham County, he's friends with many of the police and local political people and other members of social standing, all of which get in Mike's way of proving Ray's a murderer, and bringing him to justice. Ray finally snaps in the end of the first season and kidnaps Mike's daughter Sadie, taking her to the old farmhouse he does some rather unspeakable things to her, that if i explain will ruin the impact of when you hear them outloud at the end of the second season.

At the end of the first season, Ray is sent to jail for his crimes, and is awaiting trail, season two starts up a year later only afew weeks before Ray's trial, Mike has been promoted in the wake of all the inquiries and truth coming to light of some of the rather shady business that the other cops did to keep Mike from getting Ray in the first season, and you find out that the case against Ray is starting to unravel, as they loose one murder charge and witnesses start to back out. Season two plays out completely different then the first season, its more of a psychological drama leading up to Ray's trial, where you have Ray and new character Dr. Pen Verity (played by Michelle Forbes who some might remember from the series Homicide, as well as the character of Ensign Ro Laren on Star Trek The Next Generation, or most recently as Maryann Forrester on Tru Blood), both manipulate the cast to their own ends. Ray uses blackmail over never reported crimes to get various people in the police force and local business men to destroy the case against him, while manipulating his son and Sadie into not testifying against him. Pen is using Mike, and her job as a police psychologist to keep her son in a very bitter custody battle, which you find out is all of her own doing, Pen doesn't use blackmail to get what she wants, instead she uses her place as a person of trust to lie and manipulate people into seeing her as she wishes to be seen, not as she really is. Though a start contrast, the second season really is just as mindblowingly good at the first, afew people have said it was better actually, though i'm still on teh fence on that. Pen is a great main villain and she plays the black widow role well, and the scenes where her and Ray actually meet and interact are creepy beyond belief, but I'm not sure, I find myself at an impasse on which main villain was better, the black widow spider of a woman who's mind has completely snapped in two, or the twisted beyond all recognition everyman who only sees his own failures and repressive self hate which drives him to kill. Hard call really.

As great as the series is on the acting and writing side, its just as good on the filming side as well, the lighting, the flashbacks and looks into the minds of each character as they remember or imagine scenes, the ghosts that haunt them all appearing in certain places, the constant images of the powerlines, hinting that the electro magnetics of the powerlines are slowly driving everyone insane, just the whole thing is a huge iconic film noir style case study in how to shoot a film or a tv series to give it the very feel you want. Its just so brilliantly done it makes me almost slack jawed in complete and utter awe of its assault from all sides fo the creative spectrum at once. Truly a thing of wonder with no real equal.

They are airing the series here in the states on ION, where its being aired as one whole of 12 episodes instead of two six episodes seasons, though I would assume given the nature of that network and its target demographics, and run times, its been edited down, each episode has been chopped from about 60 minutes to just around 42 to fit your standardize american hour long timeslot, more then likely they toned down the violence and cut the nudity and sex scenes unless key to the story, and probably edited out the swears and harsh language. I would recommend if you could, either order the dvds or get your download on to find the show in its original untouched form, it has a bigger impact that way. But in any event, this is a must see series, it will leave you breathless, and cursing every day till next year when the third season airs.

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Laz

District 9

2009-09-19T02:58:00.000-05:00

thought i had posted this earlier, I apologize for the lateness.

District 9
A Film About The Way Human Beings Really Are
Even If We Don't Want To Admit It

When I first read the rumblings across the wire about a rumor that the stand out sci fi film of 2009 might come out of South Africa, a film industry not really known for making sci fi films, I at first dismissed it, laughed it off, South Africa is known for its depressing stomp on your throat in a pair of sharpened baseball cleats, and when you think its done, it stomps some more and grinds, then it does it more. Because they're just that depressing. So the idea of them pulling a sci fi film of any note off was a long shot at best. But, I must admit, this film comes dangerously close to hitting the Sci Fi bullseye, which honestly, is a good thing, the kind of good thing that people are just left agape wondering if what they just saw was the closest thing to a religious experience that most of the world will ever have, that is what a film is supposed to do, just leave you wide eyed and open mouthed in wonder. District 9 does not disappoint when it comes to doing that, and you can trust in that.

Here is the plot: The film is done in a faux documentary style, explaining everything and introducing everyone who you will need to know through interviews, that slowly fill in the puzzle of what is going on in this film, its brilliantly done, even if its hard to figure out at first. Thats probably one of my very few problems with the film, its slow somewhat confusing beginning 15 or 20 minutes, though they are needed, given the fact they introduce and set up everything you will need for the film, the main characters, what District 9 is, how the aliens got here, things of that nature, if you need a reference to get what i mean, think the way Jurassic Park started, that slow but important opening. After the slow moving set up, the film's pace quickens once you actually get inside District 9 itself, and see not only the hellhole that it is, but how the humans treat the aliens, or "prawns" as they call them given their likeness to shrimps, you truly see what this film is about. Its really a metaphor for the years of South Africa's Apartheid rule. Once your mind connects the dots, you fully understand what this film is about. its about the struggle for freedom, equality, and the most basic of human rights, the right to not be treated like a lower creature just because you are different.

Through flashbacks and cuts to archival footage, you meet the main players of this film; Wikus van de Merwe; our central character, he works for MNU, a large multinational weapons development and private security force, who oversee District 9, Wikus' job is the head of the Department for Relations with Extraterrestrial Civilizations, a job his father inlaw Piet Smit, a high ranking director at MNU promotes him too on the day Wikus goes into District 9, during this part you also meet Colonel Kobus Venter, the film's main villain, and head of a unit of soldiers despacted to accompany Wikus and his people into District 9. At this point its explained that the aliens are being moved from their hovel town outside of Johannesburg South Africa, to a large place of land many miles away which will be called District 10.

It is at this point we learn how the aliens ended up here in the first place, In 1982, a large alien spaceship stops above Johannesburg, South Africa. Reports suggest that the ship became stranded after a command module separated from the ship and dropped to Earth, nowhere to be found. After cutting their way inside, an exploratory team discovers a large group of unhealthy and leaderless arthropod-like species. These alien creatures, derogatorily referred to as prawns, are taken from the ship and housed in a government camp inside Johannesburg called District 9, which soon turns into a slum. You then, through a series of clip interviews see not only what the average person thinks of the aliens being here, but also you see just how bad things are inside District 9, they talk about the Nigerian gang that runs the illegal businesses, dealing in weapons, food, even interspecies prostitution. You are then told that one of the main things leading to MNU controlling District 9, is that they wanted the weapons and alien tech that the prawns have, even though it has been discovered that the weapons and tech are all bio-locked, meaning if you are not of their genetic make up, you can't use any of it, they mention that at one point before first contact was made, that a small escape pod sized part of the ship fell off, and though no one could find it, they believed that was the key to the ship's control, as well allowing humans to access the weapons. This is also where you discover that the move, is really just a big scam to strip the prawns of all their tech and weapons they brought with them from the ship.

From here you jump back to Wikus, as he and his group, along with the military unit that is their escort, enter District 9. And you can't help but look in awe at just how bad it is, and it makes you wonder, if we ever do make first contact, will we be this bad? will we embrace them at first, and then reject and mistreat them if we discover the aliens aren't what we all dream them to be like, and more so, if they come to us looking for help, will we just try to exploit them for what we can gain from them, then cast them aside to live in hellish squaller. As you move around District 9, you are bombarded with hellish imagery worse then anywhere in the 3rd World, you also see that with out us taking the time to attempt and teach them communication, simple misunderstandings can become deadly, you see one prawn kick a man so hard he not only loses and arm, but his life when he impacts with a wall several feet away, you then see that prawn be killed with out a second thought by the military envoy, you see several situations just like this as the film goes, shootings, brutality, even the burning of a nursery full of babies, it gets to the point where you really start to question if humanity deserves to be in contact with the creatures of another world, or if we truly are as narrow minded, violent and primitive as the film depicts. But I guess that would be the point of it all in the end wouldn't it? At this point you see two aliens in a shack using what looks to be a biological science station, where they are distilling some form of fluid, which is quickly stuffed into a canister and smuggled away when Wikus and his people knock on the door.

The alien that takes the canister is designated for filing and locational reasons, with the name Christopher Johnson, Christopher's young son, one of the few children allowed to grow in District 9, greets Wikus and his people at their door while Christopher hides the canister. As he's asked to leave his shack for means of inspecting, they discover the hundreds of computers linked together inside the shack, all of which are considered contraband and must be taken. During the inspection Wikus finds the canister and is accidentally sprayed in the face with the black fluid inside. Christopher is outside demanding his rights when Wikus comes out looking as if he's doing to be ill. At this point the crew decides its time to leave District 9 for today. Wikus returns home to a surprise party in his honor, only to be taken aside by his father inlaw and told if he doesn't do a better job with the relocation to District 10, he will be fired. Apparent his father inlaw has no idea what the difference between a disciplinary hearing and a surprise party is, it makes you wonder if he really has lived an interesting life or not, but you soon realize you don't really care, because during the party Wikus starts to bleed a black fluid that looks alot like what is in the container he was sprayed with. He is taken to hospital and it is soon discovered that under the skin of his left arm, is the arm of one of the aliens.

Whatever was in that canister is turning Wikus into an alien, and after discovering this he is rushed to a special lab inside the MNU main office where its discovered that that he not only has an arm like one, but also their speed, their agility, and their strength, as well as, and most importantly to his father inlaw, he can operate alien technology and weapons. Wikus screams in horror and fear as they force him to test out alien weapon after weapon at times with a gun to his head, eventually using what appears to be an alien flamethrower on steroids he is forced to kill a prawn, which he protests the action of, screaming how its not right or fair, eventually he uses his alien strength to escape, MNU brands him a fugitive, claiming he had contracted an alien sexually transmitted disease and was in a sense a typhoid marry running loose in the city of Johannesburg, a claim his wife does not believe. Wikus goes to the only place he feels he can get answers, he heads back to District 9, to the home of Christopher Johnson, who upon seeing him and his arm decides to help, in exchange for Wikus' help regaining that canister he took earlier, as Wikus starts to understand the alien's language, Christopher takes him under his shack and explains to him that the module that fell from the ship over 20 years ago, was the command module and that the canister that sprayed wikus was a bio fuel, that powered the alien mothership, and that the fuel will allow the alien ship to leave earth for the first time sene its arrival. Realizing the only way to save himself and the aliens is to help Christopher, Wikus agrees to help him regain the canister, and after gaining some earth and alien tech and weapons from the Nigerian Gang Warlord, they head off to raid the MNU building and regain the canister.

From there the film switches into overdrive for what is possibly the best 45 or so minutes of straight up punch you in the face action you will see in years as Wikus and Christopher fend off not only the MNU Military Compliment head by the insane and sadistic Colonel Kobus Venter, but eventually Nigerian gang members bent on revenge for what Wikus does to them when gaining weapons from them. Its an insanely fast paced, lightening fast version of the shoot outs of the wild west with all three sides going at each other all at once, somewhere in the total chaos, Wikas gains control over an alien battle mech, which he uses while Christopher tries to get the command module into the air, after the Nigerian gang members are delt with, it leaves Wikus to take on Venter and his men while Christopher heads for the ship. It all leads up to a final showdown between Venter and Wikus that just leaves you on the edge of your seats waiting for whats going to happen next, its truly an awesome climatic scene, and one that will leave you happy you came to see this film. I won't spoil the actual ending of the film but it does leave it open for a second one if they see fit, though given that it would be a sort of Judgment Day type situation, I find myself worrying about the idea of a follow up, given that the idea of us being judged for our primative and brutal ways by aliens is so over done. Plus, sometimes a story is best left open ended, where you can write your own ending.

As I said at the start, this film did not let me down, yes, it does have a very slow, but very important to the rest of the film starting point, and its very easy to get yourself mucked up in that and lose interest, but don't, stick with it, because the boring set up is needed for the rest of the film to make sense, and once you get out into the actual District 9, the film picks up speed and just rolls through its run time with compelling and action that if anything will give it the status of a sleeper hit for the year. I whole heartedly recommend this film to anyone that is a fan of brilliant writing, awesome special effects, or super high end well written sci fi. So if you get a chance, seriously, check this out, you will not be disappointed at all.

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Laz

Jennifer's Body

2009-09-18T16:51:00.001-05:00

Jennifer's Body
Or: A Study In Why Megan Fox Shouldn't Do Movies With Out Giant Robots

On the off chance you've been living under a rock, or in the bowels of some super unknown paramilitary rebel hide out hidden deep under a hovel town in Burma, then you, unlike the rest of the world, are not aware that Megan Fox, star of Transformers and current hot girl that says stupid things, has a new movie coming out by the name of Jennifer's Body. Now you also might not be aware that this film, is, for the sake of opening statement politeness, nothing more then a modern day version of a sexploitation film. And though I am sure many a person will shell out their hard earned money to see this film, after all, if you put an attractive woman that everyone's talking about on film teasing glimpses of her body and sexuality, there will always be people that go and see it, simply because of those reasons, I personally, can not say that this film was of any real worth. It is basically an excuse to take hollywood's current "it" girl, and trot her out on screen and have her be sexy and say moronic things that the more perverse of people be talking about for days, as the blog and photoshop their way through making the film remotely remembered for nothing more then else then its in your face exploitation of Megan Fox and her current place in pop culture and movie history. And though I can see how on paper this would look like marketing genius, but honestly, it just makes Fox's fame burn out just that much faster.

Here is the plot to the film: Jennifer's Body is about small town high school student Jennifer (Megan Fox), who is possessed by a hungry demon. She transitions from being "high school evil" - gorgeous (and doesn't she know it), stuck up and ultra-attitudinal - to the real deal: evil/evil. The glittering beauty becomes a pale and sickly creature jonesing for a meaty snack, and guys who never stood a chance with the heartless babe, take on new luster in the light of Jennifer's insatiable appetite. Meanwhile, Jennifer's lifelong best friend Needy (Amanda Seyfried), long relegated to living in Jennifer's shadow, must step-up to protect the town's young men, including her nerdy boyfriend Chip (Johnny Simmons). That is basically it, no hidden things that surprise you or a plot twist that makes you somehow feel you haven't waisted your time watching this film, its all pretty much right there. Which when you compare it to writer Diablo Cody's last film, Juno, this dark comedy just does not live up to the same iconic cult status that Juno gained, though I would venture to guess in its own way this film might gain cult status, even if only among lovers of bad movies and grindhouse fans that are into exploitation films, and ofcourse it will be very popular with lonely teenage boys.

The film is said to be a comedy, but really its just a hack, slash, and female ogling film that does nothing more then cringe your way through two hours of She-Demon Megan Fox, going around treating high school girls like crap, teasing the boys, and coming as close to making out with her "pet nerd", a dumpy girl, ironically called Needy, because Diablo Cody used all her good imaginary names on the characters of Juno and Wishmaster the Horse that Wrote Poems, and I'm sure some will find it entertaining as Fox's demonic side comes out and starts to go all black widow on all the boys in school, seducing them and then when they're ready for some action, opening her mouth to reveal her demonic side's way of eating, there is alot of blood, alot of low brow humor, alot of almost nudity, lots of teases of girl on girl interaction, even an idioticly played joke about Fox's claim of being bisexual, when her demonform and Needy face off, Needy states "I thought you only attacked men.." to which Fox, covered in blood and demon stuff proclaims "I go both ways", which though only giving me a slight chuckle, I'm sure will be the big talked about joke scene for those who see the film, and will be asked to any woman who feels shallow enough to dress up as Jennifer for halloween or something, but honestly, I find nothing remotely redeeming in this film save for afew small chuckles, and the hilarity I'll have at all the perverts going insane for all of the almost and semi-nude scenes of fox. It'll be almost as funny as people that believe Wishmaster the Horse That Wrote Poems is a real film and not something I tossed for a random comedic moment.

More so then the movie itself disappointing is the fact that Diablo Cody actually felt this was a good idea for a screenplay, it leaves me wondering if her Oscar for Juno was a fluke win in a year when there weren't many other films to match it in creatively written dialog that year. Seriously, I have nothing against Cody's work, I just think maybe she should stick to straight up comedy instead of this horribly bad excurition into both sci fi and horror, two fields she shouldn't venture into again, ever, infact to be honest, she shouldn't even rent movies from the sci fi or horror sections at a movie rental store, she should really just stick to what she knows, sarcastic socially detached teenagers who isolate themselves so they can feel ways about stuff or have babymaking sex instead of watching the blair witch project on Starz, or she should just write about airheads and strippers, the things she knows and is good at writing about. Don't get me wrong, she's not a bad writer, its just, she doesn't have alot of range, and people shouldn't encourage her to expand that range.

So in the end, is Jennifer's Body worth watching? I wouldn't say for all no, I would say it shouldn't be taken as anything more then a toss back to the sexploitation and slasher genres of the grindhouse era, or toted up with films such as Glitter and Honey, and however many other crappy star vehicles you can think of that were ment to capitalize on the star power and sex symbol status of whoever the main star is. I would say though, if you are intent on seeing it in a theater, wait about a month, after the film bombs it will be released to dollar theaters, because honestly, the film is only worth about 2 dollars of its ticket cost.

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Laz

Sometimes TV Gets It Right

2009-09-18T01:50:00.002-05:00

Earlier in the day, word came down from the TV Gods at ABC Family, that the network notorious for canceling excellent programing for no reason, has almost redeemed itself in my eyes after the unjustly canceling of The Middleman, today, word came down from the evil lair that is Disney/ABC's media headquarters, that the fledgling series based off the film that is the 1990s biggest cult juggernaut, 10 Things I Hate About You, will get a second season. Word was sent out stating that ABC Family intends to air the remaining 10 episodes of the first season in January 2010, much to the rejoice of many.

As anyone that read my review will tell you, I was among the masses ready to pan this series to the depths of hell for treading such sacred ground, but like many others, i was soon eating my words as I watched the series progress, and found myself loving it, and excitedly looking forward to the next episode. I am overjoyed it was allowed a second go round, and I hope it garners a third as well, my only real hopes for once they start to film season three, they do two things; 1) as I have said before, expand to an hour long program, because once you start to get settled into it, its over, I know less is more, but come on, it can handle the hour long format, and 2) Find a role for the great Julia Stiles, her role in the original film as Kat Stratford defined and jumpstarted her career, and most of us who came of age to the original film would love to see her appear as a teacher, or an aunt to the Stratford girls or someone that makes expanded cast appearances. Personally, I'm hoping they could write her in as a Teacher or Aunt, because I would LOVE to see Julia and her signature role's new owner Lindsey Shaw try to out Kat each other, would be hilarious.

Sometimes the TV does indeed get it right. Today is a good day.

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Laz

Glee

2009-08-19T02:04:00.001-05:00

I've been putting off doing this review for abit, seeing as the pilot already aired on television back in April, but, I figure sense i've been doing this thing with soon to be appearing television series, I might as well do this one too, you know, to be fair, interesting side note, it seems the only pilots hitting the net so far are FOX, normally by now we've seen almost all of them and the shows that aren't gonna make it, but its still early... so we'll see how that goes...

Here is what Fox's website says on Glee:

From Ryan Murphy, the creator of "Nip/Tuck" and "Popular," comes GLEE, a one-hour musical comedy that follows an optimistic high school teacher as he tries to transform the school's Glee Club and inspire a group of ragtag performers to make it to the biggest competition of them all: Nationals.

McKinley High School's Glee Club used to be at the top of the show choir world, but years later, a series of scandals have turned it into a haven for misfits and social outcasts. WILL SCHUESTER (Matthew Morrison, Broadway's "Hairspray"), a young optimistic teacher, has offered to take on the Herculean task of restoring McKinley's Glee Club to its former glory with the help of fellow teacher EMMA PILLSBURY (Jayma Mays, "Ugly Betty"). It's a tall order when the brightest stars of the pitch-imperfect club include KURT (Chris Colfer), a nerdy soprano with a flair for the dramatic; MERCEDES (Amber Riley), a dynamic diva-in-training who refuses to sing back-up; ARTY (Kevin McHale, "Zoey 101"), a geeky guitarist who spends more time avoiding bullies than chasing girls; and TINA (Jenna Ushkowitz, "Spring Awakening"), an awkward girl who needs to suppress her stutter before she can take center stage.

Will's only hope lies with two true talents: RACHEL BERRY (Lea Michele, "Spring Awakening"), a perfectionist firecracker who is convinced that show choir is her ticket to stardom; and FINN HUDSON (Cory Monteith, "Kyle XY"), the popular high school quarterback with movie star looks and a Motown voice who must protect his reputation with his holier-than-thou girlfriend, QUINN (Dianna Agron), and his arrogant teammate, PUCK (Mark Salling).

Driven by his secret past, Will is determined to do whatever it takes to make Glee great again, even though everyone around him thinks he's nuts. He's out to prove them all wrong - from his tough-as-nails wife TERRI SCHUESTER (Jessalyn Gilsig, "Nip/Tuck") to McKinley's cheerleading coach SUE SYLVESTER (guest star Jane Lynch, "Best In Show," "Role Models") to an ?ber-hip world that thinks jazz hands and sequined tuxedos litter the road to infamy rather than pave the way to Hollywood dreams.

Featuring a soundtrack of hit songs from past and present, GLEE is produced by Ryan Murphy Television in association with 20th Century Fox Television. Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk and Ian Brennan are co-creators of the series. Murphy, Falchuk and Dante Di Loreto serve as executive producers, while Ian Brennan and John Kousakis serve as co-executive producers. Murphy directed the pilot.

Remember what I said last time out about how a show's press release isn't always what the show is about and how its just to give you an overview of the cast and who makes it? Thats half true here this outline is actually pretty true to the pilot, however honestly this doesn't really do the show justice, because I honestly believe its gonna be the winner in the race for best new series. Now to some that might be a bit of a jump, specially for a series that at the surface looks like another teen aimed fluff series, but, like "Gossip Girl" proved two years ago, and some could argue "10 Things I Hate About You: The TV Series" has done over this summer, even a show in that field can have some teeth and enough power to stay around on story, casting and content instead of starring "Generic Attractive Teenager A" and their "dreamy" eyes, Generic Attractive Teenager B" with their "perfect hair" and "Generic Marketed As A 16 Year Old Sex Symbol A" with her skin tight way to adult for her to be wearing clothing, and so on, you get the idea. The only difference between Glee and most of the other shows in its field, much like 10 Things, it doesn't really take itself seriously, it would rather poke fun at the stereotypes created by other shows in its field then to actually give in to them, I do love when a series is brave enough to break ranks that way, and when a network backs it fully for doing so.

For those of you that didn't see the pilot when it aired as a special in April, or haven't watched the streaming episode of it on Fox.com, or where in another country and not aware of it at all, here is a more indepth look at the plot..

Glee tells the story of high school teacher Will Schuester, he's a quiet, depressed, Spanish teacher that seems to have given up on ever becoming more then he really is at this moment, he has a wife named Terri who is very demanding and tends to be rather, forceful and vocal about how she wants to live and seems to not care much for what Will thinks of it, which doesn't really help much for Will's self esteem, the only things that seem to give Will any moniker of joy at all, is when he stands infront of the award case in the front of the school he works at, and looks at the awards for glee club from about 10 years before, Will seems to flash back to his days when he was in glee club and how happy it made him, and how he feels he's lost that. The other thing that makes him remotely happy, seems to be the scatter brained School counselor Emma Pillsbury, both Emma and Will both show noticeable attraction to each other, but seem to scared to ever actually make a move on it, infact its Emma, in one of their cute but awkward conversations, Will decides to resurrect the one thing that made him happy, he decides to restart Glee Club. After abit of bargaining with the principal, who mocks his idea and tells him its going to fail, he puts up a signing sheet and waits to see who signs up.

Given how little people sign up, everyone that tried out, gets into the group, the "gleeks" as they're called are as follows; Rachel Berry, a girl who's two fathers have claimed is destine to be a star, she believes in this so much that she will do whatever it takes, she states she's so committed to her path that she posts videos of her singing different songs on myspace every single day, she's repeatedly turned down by the Cheerleaders when she wants to join their quad and is mocked and bullied by other students who find her weird, given her overly peppy attitude, its infact Rachel that says the show's tag line "Being a part of something special makes you special, right?". She's then followed by, Artie Abrams, who is in a wheelchair who plays guitar and has friends in the Jazz Club. Tina Cohen-Chang, an asian girl that actually does a great version of Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl" when she first appears. Kurt Hummel, a sharp dressed young man who really has a great voice, even if he looks like he's 10. And Mercedes Jones, a fashion loving diva who thinks she's a superstar. she seems strong willed but really wants the club to work out. Now with the group in place, they try and get themselves together as a group, but it just isn't working, they're still missing something..

Thats when by chance, when trying to get new members by talking to the football team, Will discovers, that quarterback Finn Hudson, has an incredible voice, and after working hard to get him to give Glee a try, Finn has a flashback to how music has always been a part of his life, and how much he loves to sing it, he agrees to join the club, but doesn't tell his couch or his friends on the football team at first. With Finn, the group finally comes together, and finally finish their first number, which is surprisingly good. And after they go to check out a regional Glee competition, where they watch the reigning championship team do an amazing version of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab", they start to get abit scared, but Will, with the help of Finn and Rachel are able to get them to see they're good enough to beat the champs, their practice attracts the attention of Emma, who is overjoyed to see Will actually happy about something for once. When Will goes to the principal to ask for money to get some team uniforms and stuff, he runs afoul of Sue Sylvester, the insanely cut throat head of the Cheerleader Squad, she hates the idea of the glee club and wants to destroy it. At this point we also find out that Will's wife doesn't really like what he's doing, I'm assuming because she's a selfish bitch.

Eventually Finn's friends on the football team find out he had joined Glee, and after mocking him to the point where he decides to quit and focus on Football, he happens across his friends bullying Artie and Kurt, and after they demand he stuff Kurt into a portable toilet and knock it over, he realizes that he made the wrong choice, he refuses to do it, and when he's called a loser, he says the line that probably will define his character, "Don't you get it? Were all losers, everyone in this school. No, everyone in this town. Out of all the kids who graduate maybe half will go to college and two will leave the state to do it. I'm not afraid of being called a loser cause I can accept that that's what I am... But I am afraid of turning my back on something that made me happy for the first time in my sorry life.", he then tells them that he's not quiting football, or Glee Club, stating that both are going to win trophies that year, because he's good enough to do both, and both need him. He then picks up Kurt and wheels Artie off to reunite with the club, who then choose a group name, "New Directions", given that the group is a new direction for all of them.

At this point Will comes in and tells the group that he's decided to leave them, stating that its causing problems for him with his wife, after they all try and get him to stay, he leaves, saying they will be able to find someone else to watch over their group for them. Later Will happens across Emma who then tells him how she'd never seen him as happy as he was with those kids. He then decides to return, after he hears them practicing and it makes him smile, as he realizes just how good they really are. the group is rejoiced. The Pilot ends with Sue and Finn's girlfriend Quinn, the head cheerleader plotting how to get rid of the group.

Now for my thoughts on the pilot and the upcoming series? I think its gonna seriously be the runaway hit of the new shows this year, its got the right mixture of what just about every demographic could enjoy, and when you take into account that each show has eight songs, and that when you also add in that the cast was picked because of how they sound together as well as their acting, instead of their looks or some other lame crap, you seriously do have a future hit on your hands.

So if you haven't seen it yet, and you don't wanna wait till September, go over to Fox.com, or any of the many websites taht stream tv shows on the net, or find the torrent from when it aired last spring and have a look at the pilot to Glee, you probably won't regret it.

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Laz

Sons of Tucson

2009-08-18T02:08:00.001-05:00

Its that time of year again, when all the fall tv pilots start to leak out into the general population, and having already reviewed "The Cleveland Show" I figured I would keep that ball rolling by reviewing the upcoming series "Sons of Tucson", seeing as word got out today that the pilot is available on the internet.

Here is the official description from FOX.com:

In the tradition of "Malcolm in the Middle" and "The Bernie Mac Show," Sons of Tucson is a family comedy about three brothers who hire a charming, wayward schemer to stand in as their father when their real one goes to prison. What begins as a business relationship evolves into something more complex and compelling: a family unlike any we've ever seen. The three brothers find their dad-for-hire, Ron Snuffkin (Tyler Labine, "Reaper"), at the local sporting good store. Ron will be forced to draw on a wide array of skills and a vast bag of tricks as he steps into the patriarch role to take care of the boys of the Gunderson family. Robby Gunderson, 8, is a loose cannon who doesn't take garbage from anyone; Gary Gunderson (Frank Dolce, "Doubt"), 11, is a bright and street-savvy leader who is every bit the con man his father is; and Brandon Gunderson, 13, is a gentle free spirit who goes along for the ride.

While Sons of Tucson is grounded in the day-to-day challenges of a single-parent home, nothing in the Gunderson household is quite what it seems. An ongoing chess match between Ron and the boys will keep both parties on their toes, as neither side can afford to give up too much power or independence. Sons of Tucson is directed by three-time Emmy Award-winner Todd Holland ("Malcolm in the Middle," "The Larry Sanders Show") and produced by 20th Century Fox Television. Justin Berfield, Jason Felts, Harvey Myman and Todd Holland serve as executive producers. Tommy Dewey and Greg Bratman wrote the pilot.

Now, as is often the case with network synopses, don't take it at its word, often times a network will package a show to try and grab the viewers of former shows that they think it might appeal too, hence why it they reference two of their former shows, and how they mention Tyler's starring role on Reaper. It doesn't really tell you much of the show in general, but it tries to give you just a hint of what it is, so don't let that really be your judge.

Here is abit more descriptive plot outline of the series:

The Gunderson children are left on their own when their father is sent to jail for an investment banking scandal, after their mother leaves them alone to fend for themselves, they make their way from new jersey to Tucson Arizona, where their father owned a home and a large amount of cash that was kept hidden in case he was ever caught. Things are great for them, until it becomes time for them to start school again. There is only one issue, they need an adult to get them signed up for school. After what they say was a long time, they scope out and decide on a down on his luck guy who works at a sports store named Ron. Ron is a slacker, who lives in his car, owes money to thugs and will do anything to get out of work but still make money. After they work out a deal for him to pose as their dad, he agrees to help them for a fee of afew hundred dollars.

He signs the kids up at school and they pay him, he then tells them they need to pretend to be his kids so he can convince his grandmother to give him some valuable collectible figures he is going to sell to make the money he owes a local thug who keeps threatening him, the kids say they'll help him, but in the end, they just steal his car. He finds them at their house and after saying they really need him around, which the three dismiss and insult him on, he leaves with his car. After the youngest of the Gunderson boys blows up an outdoor fair, they show up again telling Ron they need his help again, and after they pay him they head over to the school where they go, Ron cons his way out of the boy being expelled from school, and tries to flirt with his teacher. As the show goes on through a series of events, the boys and Ron keep needing each other's help, and after realizing that it would be alot easier on all of them if they were to pay Ron and allow him to live in their home, or well, the shed out behind the house, the pilot ends after Ron's moved into their shed and has to go deal with the parents of a girl the youngest boy almost burned in his explosion.

Now see, the pilot isn't *BAD*, but its also *not good* either, there are alot of plot holes, mostly when and why the boy's mother left them, and why no one noticed when they went missing from New Jersey, or how they were able to travel across the country by themselves with no one reporting or noticing them. As well as how Ron, after stealing some young girl's bike apparently, was able to find where the boys lived, when they stated at the school earlier they walked from there to the school, there are afew other small issues, but nothing to really ruin the show I think.

So here is my biggest issue with this series, its good, it could go on to have a long run, but the problem is, we've seen it already. Its kind of like Malcolm In the Middle, but instead of the mother being a super bitch, its one of the children, infact all three of the Gunderson kids are alot like the boys on Malcolm, one is creepy and super hyper, the other is quiet and peaceful, and the other is angry and bossy, its an almost exact copy. And as for Ron, as a character he's great, but the thing is, Tyler Labine plays him EXACTLY like he played Sock on "Reaper", snappy pop culture references and slang, slacking off while everyone else does his job for him, even the boss at the store he works in is ALOT like his boss on Reaper. So like I said the show isn't a bad show, its pretty good in some spots and will probably have a nice run if FOX doesn't mess it up, its just nothing new, nothing different or fresh, its just reworking of winning concepts from other shows. I was just hoping it would be original, or atleast different in some way. But as I said, I think it'll do well, hopefully in the right timeslot, I was kind of hoping for the hour long format too, I've been saying this for years, the 30 minute comedy medium is dying out, very few non-formula three camera sitcoms remain, but still, I kind of hope they expand the show, it could actually save it at some point..

anyway, go check it out if you're interested, you might enjoy it.

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Laz

Fun With Grindhouse Trailers

2009-08-15T16:47:00.001-05:00

One of the best things about the Grindhouse era was the trailers, and I felt that for lack of anything else to do today, I'd post you all some to enjoy.. so get out that popcorn, put on some fresh to death 1970s gear, and get lost in the era of dollar theaters and drive ins...

Here we go....

Fun Fact for those that haven't been paying attention, yes, that is my friend Maila Nurmi as Vampira, and "the walking dead" is the same man that played The Beast in "The Beast of Yukka Flats".

And finally, this is how they prevented teenage pregnancy in the 1960s...

Oh there are so many more, and I really should make this a weekly feature, but my god I can't stop laughing, my sides hurt so much from the laughing at just how bad some of these are. I guess thats what I hope you take away from this, even though there are some really bad and laughable movies out there in the Grindhouse Era, there are also alot of good ones too...

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Laz

RIP: John Hughes

2009-08-06T17:16:00.000-05:00

John Hughes, the man that defined the 1980s by making, or having a hand in almost every single hit movie from that decade, passed away suddenly today, while having a morning walk in Manhattan where he was visiting family, John suffered what would become a fatal heart attack, he was 59 years old.

Hughes is always be remembered for creating such iconic films as Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Weird Science, and many others that defined the cinema of the 1980s, after that time, Hughes stepped back, and semi retired, having made his money and his place in movie history, he tended to his farm and his family, and would come out to support independent film whenever he felt his presence was needed.

He will be remembered for his work, for his contributions to the world, and most of all, how he taught two entire generations that sometimes, being the odd one that stands out from the crowd is the one who really is the coolest person of all.

I'm gonna miss you John. May you find peace in that big movie lot in the sky.

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Laz

The Cleveland Show: Must Miss TV?

2009-08-06T17:12:00.002-05:00

I have been debating for awhile know if i should actually do a review of this series, or if i should just let it speak for itself, and after sitting in a graveyard and then sitting by a pond where I skipped some rocks and had some antisocial guy thinking time, and I decided, that its best to do the right thing and tell the world just how horrible of a pilot episode this is.

Now let me state at the jump off, I am a very large fan of Family Guy, the series that has spun off The Cleveland Show. So I hope that no one mistakes my dislike of what I'm seeing here as disdain held over from the other show for some reason. Personally, I feel that even though Family Guy over uses jokes at times or repeats them, its still a quality well done comedy, that stands out from the crowd in ways most shows like it can't. So lets not get any misunderstandings alright?

Now, as any of you that are aware of Family Guy, are aware that Cleveland Brown is the middle aged black guy who hangs out with Peter and the Griffin Family and friends, he's a nice, slow speaking, easy going, relaxed guy, he doesn't let many things bother him, or get him down, he just needs to not take baths when Peter Griffin is doing his shenanigans, given that more then likely the front of his house will get destroyed and he'll end up on his front lawn. Cleveland has a son named Cleveland Jr. when when we last saw him was skinny and had ADHD, and he has a now ex wife named Loretta, with whom he's been separated from, for many of the Family Guy's seasons.

When The Cleveland Show starts, you find Cleveland in the local bar with his friends from Family Guy, as they sit around having a beer, he tells them his divorce is finalized, and he's lost his house to his ex wife Loretta. After asking his friends if he can stay with one of them and each coming up with a very lame excuse as to why he can't, he says "I understand..." he then goes home and takes a bath, and as happens whenever he takes a bath, Peter Griffin, who lives across the street and is the star of Family Guy, lights off a giant bottle rocket, that flies off, hits Cleveland's house and destroys the front of it, tilting his second floor bathroom's floor downward, and his tub, full of water and him, crashing to the front yard. After years of this happening, Cleveland finally has enough, says he's decided to leave town, and tells everyone he knows. Which makes them all sad and start to realize that they kind of have taken Cleveland for granted all these years.

The next scene shows us Cleveland's good bye party, where he tells everyone he's going to California, where his old baseball hitting coach Joe Torri has offered him a job as a talent scout for the his baseball team The LA Dodgers. Everyone expresses shock at this, not knowing Cleveland knew Torri, to which Cleveland points out that one of the reasons he's leaving is because of the fact no one seems to care or ask anything about him, they just expect him to go along for the ride on everyone else's misadventures, and that he feels its time he have some of his own. Everyone sees the point he's making and wish him luck at what he is planning to do with his life. The next scene is Cleveland and his son Cleveland Jr., who has now gone from skinny and ADHD to fat and talks slow and kind of muffled, muffled because apparently he's always eating something, are packed up and ready to leave for their cross country trip to a new life. After their good byes, which I guess will leave people saying "Good bye chocolate people" for awhile, they start driving.

This is the point where the theme song is played in the episode, I have to admit the theme song is kind of almost cute, but not enough to keep me singing it or coming back for more, infact, outside of the bits before Cleveland leaves for his new life, the theme is really the only thing that really made me laugh in this entire pilot.

After the theme, is when the speeding train derails and falls into the canyon of crap and fail below...

On their trip Cleveland and his son drive through Stoolbend Virginia, which happens to be Cleveland's hometown, which he only mentions in passing at first, they drive through the center of town, Cleveland and his son comment on how they still have a Woolworth's Department Store and comment on how they through they'd gone bankrupt years ago, leaving Cleveland to say "I guess no one bothered to tell them..". As they go, Cleveland starts to talk about his youth there, and decides to show his son the baseball trophies he'd won for the local high school. They stop at the school, Cleveland can't find the trophy case, so he goes to find someone to direct him to it, he is shocked to find his first love Donna, who is working at the high school. They talk and Cleveland discovers she's a recently separated, and that she has two children with Cleveland's former best friend, and Donna's soon to be ex husband Robert. After some flashbacks that show how Cleveland always took care of her and was nice to her, while Robert was always taking credit for all the good Cleveland did for Donna, Cleveland decides he's going to atleast try and tell her how he's always felt about her.

Cleveland and his son show up at Donna's house for dinner that night, thats where they meet Donna's neighbors, Lester the redneck, Holt the wanna be 80s style hipster, and Tim, the Russian sounding bear that wears a shirt and tie and works in an office. Lester is a skinny jean vest wearing, missing tooth having redneck who seems to always carry a shotgun and to stupid to notice that Donna is black, but shoots at Cleveland and his son then says "hey Donna, there were some black fellers on your lawn....." followed by "oh wait, they're with you... and you're black." or something, Holt is a short man with a Brooklyn like accent and feels the need to make up for his short size with always having expensive gadgets and a fancy car, he also seems to not like to tell people he lives with his mother. Tim is a Russian sounding bear with a smoking habit and the need to mock humans that get frightened at the fact he's a bear, he has a son and a wife, who I'm assuming are also bears, you know, because bestiality is a frowned on in most places. From here we meet Donna's two kids, her teenage daughter Roberta, who apparently is strong enough to "fight off six Al-Qaeda's" which seem to ambush her at random times, and we also meet Donna's son Rallo, who is five years old, has a large afro and seems to say whatever comes to his mind. After dinner, Cleveland decides to take Donna up on her offer to let them stay for afew days, this allows Cleveland to put his plan to tell her how he feels into action, and to also show her that he's a good male role model, he helps out both of her children, teaching Rallo how to "play it cool" so no one notices him misbehaving, and puts he puts the fear of god into Roberta's boyfriend, a white kid named Federline Jones, who seems to be under the impression he's actually black. On their last day there, Cleveland discovers that Donna's ex, Robert has come back to try and make things work, this finally makes Cleveland lose his temper and after he yells at Robert and tells him he's not good enough for Donna and tells her all the things Robert used to make him do and then take credit for, Donna decides to stay with Cleveland, telling him she loves him and was waiting for him. The episode ends with them getting married and Cleveland saying "I might not be a major league talent scout, but I think i hit me a home run.." followed by his trademark laugh.

Now, see, here is my thing, it isn't that its a *bad* show per say, so much as its mostly things we've seen over and over again before. Its the same concept as Family Guy, just with different characters, and alot of times the same jokes too. Now I don't mind running or recurring jokes and skits, if they're done right they're very funny and never lose their charm, its just, why do we need another program thats doing them? If we're getting enough of them with Family Guy, why do we really need the exact same jokes on a show that is basically Family Guy but with a black family? Atleast American Dad writes its own material. But this, seems kind of like, for lack of a better term Bizzaro Family Guy, and well, I don't know if thats really so much funny as it is lazy on the writers parts.

I guess this pilot is different then the final product, and I guess this doesn't include the Pennyapples, a British family that lives next door and lives as if its Victorian era england, who are supposed to be part of the show as well, but even still, the joke that all British people live in that era is already been used on Family Guy as well, so its really just using the same jokes over and over in that respect till.

I just don't know, I'll give the show a chance, but I have to say its not looking like its gonna be all that great. Though I could be wrong, last year's pilot for the American take on "Life On Mars" was a total bomb, so much so the network ordered a completely new pilot and recasting, and then the redone pilot premiered, I loved it. So who knows? but, really I'm still not holding out alot of hope here.

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Laz

10 Things I Hate About You: The Television Series

2009-07-31T17:26:00.002-05:00

Its hard to find anyone who was a teenager in the 1990s who doesn't remember, or have atleast a vague awareness of the film "10 Things I Hate About You", which next to "Can't Hardly Wait" is considered by many to be the definitive teen movie of the 1990s, in a sense, our Breakfast Club, or Grease, or whatever teen aimed movie from whatever decade you were a teenager that looking back is still awesome, but also in the words of the great sage Phillip J. Frye, makes you feel ways about stuff. As a film 10 Things had everything you would need to remember the decade after the 1980s, snappy pop culture based slang, pop friendly but still enjoyable soundtrack, a parent thats trying to be hip and failing, and all the Julia Stiles being awesome that we can handle. Oh and ontop of all that, its important because its the film that launched the career or a certain recently dead too soon actor by the name of Heath Ledger. As a film, it really is one of the most enjoyable movies I can recall from my teen years, which i think is why when I read awhile back that ABC Family was going to turn the film into a tv series 10 years after the movie was made, I kind of did a knee jerk twinge reaction to the idea. I started to run through my head all the changes they'd probably make to give it a more "current" feel, I had horrible images of well cast and distinctive to each social group they are ment to be cast members being reworked to fit painfully untalented actors and actresses that look like whatever teenage actors were "hot" right now, and dreaded the idea of the replacement of the main characters Kat Stratford and Patrick Verona with Twilight style lookalikes to be "current" with what kids are "into". My fears weren't really helped by the fact ABC Family kept the casting details and plot and stuff super secret until it was just about ready to air the series. Which really was a great move on their part given the outcry about the series once it was announced. Curiosity and word of mouth really are the best promotional tools.

I must say, once I saw the series, I was actually relieved. All my fears and concerns about miscasting and gross working of the plot and the characters, much like what happened when Buffy The Vampire Slayer was made from an obscure Kristy Swanson comedy into a sci fi drama, they all went away. Oh sure, there are afew things that are different, but not really anything I'd say will take away from the over all enjoyment of the program itself. I was actually very relieved to find that 10 minutes into the pilot, I was actually laughing, not that "haha" small laugh, I'm talking actual laughter. The script, though not award winning comedy, was both current and real enough that you would believe the dialog if you were to hear it out on the street, it doesn't sound forced or hacked together by lazy writers, it actually very well written and genuinely funny. The casting is as close to the original cast in style, feel, and personality, with Larry Miller returning to his role as Walter Stratford, the father of the two main characters, Kat and Bianca Stratford. Larry is still hilarious in the role 10 years later, which I personally love, and though the rest of the cast, except for two, are basically refugees from Disney made kids programing and television movies, which is fitting sense half the cast of the original were culled from ended Nickelodeon programs aimed at the same age group, they really are a great mixture and well cast. I've always been a staunch supporter of the right actor for the right role, I guess someone in production is too, thankfully.

About 3 episodes in, I actually found myself wondering if they gave these kids a dvd of the film and told them to study their character, because it starts to get to the point the resemblance between the film and the series are almost strikingly perfect, like to the point you wonder if its gonna fall apart. Lindsey Shaw, formerly of a canceled too soon favorite of mine Aliens in America, stars as Kat Stratford, taking over the signature role of Julia Stiles, Lindsey gets all of the things that make Kat stand out perfect, her constant need to stand up for things, and rattle the status quo, her condescending at times intelligence, all of it, I'm left wondering if Lindsay grew up watching the film and knew exactly how to play Kat. Meaghan Jette Martin takes over the role of Bianca Stratford, who really isn't that hard to play, Bianca is still clueless, airheaded, self centered and obsessed with popularity and being popular, only this time, Bianca isn't the head cheerleader who everyone wants to be friends with, she's the girl trying to become popular by mimicking the most popular girl in school, Chasity Church, where in the film Chasity was the one trying to be like Bianca. Chasity in the series is probably the one cast member that is almost a twin of her movie counterpart, played by Dana Davis who most will remember as Monica Dawson from the second season of the series Heroes, she is almost an exact double of Gabrielle Union, who played her in the film, ironically dressed to look like Union's character from the first "Bring It On" film, this time out Chas is the snooty, snobby, spoiled rich girl that controls the school in general, most are afraid of her and the fits she's known to have at times. The rest of the cast is well done as well, Ethan Peck, the grandson of Gregory Peck, does a great job as Patrick Verona, which is a pretty big task given that he's stepping into the shoes of a man that most of us from the 1990s saw as the next greatest actor ever, thankfully he brings his own take to the role, not just mimicking Heath's portrayal, which i find healthy. I rather enjoy Nicholas Braun's take on Cameron James, the guy who is trying to get Bianca to notice him better then how he was played in the movie, its more realistic and also not done by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, whom I just hate ever so much. The secondary cast members are just great as well, though i am abit sad they didn't ask of the original cast members to appear as teachers, I think that would have been a nice homage of sorts.

The show does have afew changes from the movie, the Stratfords have just moved to the city from Ohio, in the film Cam had just moved there and is trying to fit in while trying to get Bianca to notice him. In the show, Kat's best friend, Mandella is an overweight asian looking graffiti artist who is more then welling to help Kat in all of the things she does, in the film she's a skinny blond girl that is fixated on the works of William Shakespeare. and afew other minor things to adapt for television I'd assume, but nothing that really be that big of an issue for anyone that watched the film to deal with.

I will however point out that at this point there are two things I find negative about the series, there seem to be, at this point, no references to the work of William Shakespeare, which were throughout the whole film giving that it was a modern take on his "Taming of The Shrew". I can accept that there are none, but it does leave me alittle let down. And secondly, the plot of the film itself has been completely ignored, there is no reference to the fact Bianca can't date unless Kat is dating, there is no plot that involves Patrick being paid to take Kat out so that Bianca can date, the relationship between Kat and Patrick happens by general curiosity and attraction that both are to stubborn to admit, instead the show focuses on both Stratford girls separately, Bianca as she tries to become popular, and how it always includes Cam doing her dirty work for her, and Kat and Patrick in a rather well done mindgame where they try to not admit they're fixated on each other, the only time the two stories interact is either at home, or when Kat gets in trouble for doing something to one of the popular kids. Its not the exact same thing as the movie, but I don't mind the change in plot much, though I'm sure others might have issue with that.

My main thing with this series is, it grows on you. As I stated at the beginning, I wanted to hate it, I wanted to hate the crap out of this and down it like it was some horrible entertainment abortion thats creators should have been shot in the middle of a public square for all to see, but for the life of me, I just can't do that. I find myself actually enjoying the program, sure its not gonna win any awards any time soon, but i don't care, its actually a decently made program. I explained it recently to a friend as a show i see playing out like the series "my name is earl", it will never be the number one comedy series on television, but it doesn't have to be, I see it lasting afew years, being a dependable viewership getter, and will probably fade into the background. And really i think thats enough for the series to do. Its generally enjoyable, and fun to watch, and I hope it continues to be that way for afew years. So, if you haven't seen this yet, give it a shot, you probably will be surprised.

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Laz

Fixing American TV

2009-07-30T02:08:00.000-05:00

There seems to be a misunderstanding among the people of hollywood's boardrooms, well to be fair there are many, but the one that stands out the most is that they believe that given other countries are literally shoveling them truckloads of American dollars to air their programing internationally, they feel we must be the best at producing television. They assume that because we pioneered and innovated so much in the field, and that our programing becomes “international hits” more often then not, they believe that what they are doing, and what they are producing is excellent, quality programs. When in truth, when compared to programing from around the world, in content, production, quality of acting and writing, things like that, American television most of the time falls short of the mark, and in more then afew cases falls so short of the mark you have to wonder if anyone even attempted to aim for the target in the first place. You see, the problem with it all is, American Television Executives are completely out of touch with those who they are aiming their product at. They seem to be completely unable to reach the common everyday person with 90% of their programing, and the 10% of the time where they do, its either rammed down our throats until we vomit it back up at them, or is canceled after one season, sometimes not even that, you see, it doesn't matter to a network that fans rave about a show, or that critics rave about a show, all they care about is how much money they can make off a program based off how many people are watching it. Because thats their bottom line, to those who dictate what is put on the air these days, money they can make off of something, is all they care about. They no longer care about innovation or quality, all they care is that we will sit down infront of our televisions and watch, they don't really care what they air, as long as you are on your couch watching whatever they put infront of you, no matter how lackluster or mediocre a lot of it is.

Now, don't get me wrong, when we here in America produce a show that goes international and becomes a hit, about three and a half out of five times, its deserving, the rest of the time you end up with mostly badly written programs that are a hit here for some reason, and people internationally clamor for only because they hear the buzz about it coming from our magazines and websites and the like, because lets face it, the American Hype Machine is unmatched the world over, after all, its how horrible excuses for famous people like Paris Hilton and that guy from Twilight keep their faces posted all over every news stand the world over. People in general, myself included, have a habit of keeping up with things just because they feel if they don't their friends will look at them odd for being clueless when talking about whatever they watched the night before, anyone thats ever watched any of the many reality shows the world over know exactly what I'm talking about, no one wants to be that person that gets confusing looks because they didn't watch whatever over the top serious drama or reality show was on the night before, no one wants to be the odd person out, we all feel we need to be in the loop on stuff like that, its important to us all, the whole common ground thing and all that, if we can't relate to what our friends are talking about, then we feel we're left out or will be left out. Its funny because we all know that its not supposed to matter or effect us, but we all know it does, and will continue to do so, simply because we as people care about what others think of us and what we watch. Network boardroom executives call it “Buzz Factor” and count on this to get as many people watching as possible which brings in higher prices for add space, infact many times they blatantly play off of it as a means of making money by making you think you are seriously missing out, buzz factor is what keeps shows like “Lost” and “Law and Order” on the air regardless of if most claim they've become tired lumbering almost parodies of themselves and what they stand for or not.

So the question still remains, how do we fix American Television? Well, there are afew ways, none of which are really all that simple, but at the same time, not all that complicated, they're abit time consuming, but, as the old saying goes, “If something is worth doing, its worth taking the time to do it right.”.

The steps to Fixing American Television is as follows...

Understand Your Subject Matter: take the time, hire writers that are aware of the subject matter they are writing about, look outside of the normal 30 or 40 guys that write on television, look for someone unknown if you have too, but no matter what, find writers that actually are knowledgeable on what they're writing, you can't write a comedy with people that have been writing cop dramas for the last 10 years, and you can't write a drama with sitcom writers it just doesn't work. Example: If you are writing a science fiction series about vampires, that is going to attract many different types of views given how vampires are viewed in today's popular culture, now thats all well and good, but, here is the catch, there are so many different types of belief on vampires out there, and you don't want to exclude one group or favor another because that will make you lose those viewers, so what do you do? You go out and hire one writer who is knowledgeable in each of the different beliefs on the matter and they all work together to mesh the different types together as one, sure there will be some that hate the aspects they don't believe or agree with on the matter, but, they'll still watch the series for what they do enjoy, which is probably as close to enjoyable as you'll get with some fans, especially in certain sci fi niches, where people can become angered and out and out rude and spiteful over certain things. If you need farther proof of this fact, go look at a comic book forum whenever a movie or television show based on a comic book comes out, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.

Now I'm not saying, you need to simply aim at pleasing a niche of fans, obviously the goal of any series is to bring in as many viewers as possible, but what I'm saying is, more people will watch your program if you are aware of, and respectful, to what the subject matter is. Another example; afew years ago there was a series called “Over There” which was based on the current Iraq “war”, it was violent, it was gritty, and it didn't exactly show the united states army in the most holy and pure of lights, it was realistic and true to its subject matter, and though that brought controversy and eventually an undeserving cancellation after only one season, the ratings were so far through the roof it was almost criminal watching this show slaughter anything else in its timeslot. Now, what made this possible is, 3 of the writers on the show, and the show's “Creative Consultant” were former military personnel who had either served in the 1991 Occupation of Iraq or in the case of their consultant, not even home from Iraq just about 18 months before being hired for the job. The show did gain a lot of praise and a lot of hate for its realistic depiction of what things were like over there, but the final facts on the matter are, even though its realism was its downfall, people still to this day 4 years after it was taken off the air talk about it, and how true it really was. Love it, hate it, or not even remember it, all that matters really is, that the firestorm that followed that program, came because the writers knew exactly what they were doing and what they were writing about. Its proof positive that knowledge of subject matter will make a show great.

Cast Your Series Correctly: This has to be one of my biggest issues with television here in America, they don't want to cast for the character, they want to cast to find someone that looks like someone that is already a star, or who has a look that could make them a star. They don't think about the character or the acting ability, they just think about the marketing, and personally I kind of see that as a kick in the crotch to viewers. Its like saying “We aren't strong enough as writers to write a series that you will find enjoyable, so instead, here is an actress who looks like whoever the super hot actress everyone is going nuts for on the internet, we will write around dressing her in sexy clothing and put her in as many vaguely sexual situations as possible just so you will not notice our lackluster attempt at writing.”. They do the same thing with men on shows aimed mostly at women too, except in those cases you can spot the guy their trying to do with with by the fact he's normally wearing an unbuttoned shirt or no shirt for atleast one scene per episode.+ Now some people might think its silly to say that correct casting is important to a tv show, but, you see, no matter how you look at it, casting is the corner stone of any series, it can make or break one. Here in the states a role is cast do to how well they can market them if they become popular, it doesn't matter if the actor or actress can actually act, or more is believable as the role, all they care about is if they can stick you on a poster or a lunch box, or whatever other useless bovine excrement they slap your image on. See, your characters need to be as believable as your plot and your over all story, two years from now, a thin Paris Hilton looking blonde idiot might not seem as great a character on a “fresh and hip” teen aimed drama, that would work on a comedy, where as people would just assume you're making fun of Paris, but you get the idea, you need to think ahead instead of looking at whats outside your door.

You also need to learn what “average” is, more times then not, a character is described as “an average everyday person” or something or another, and yet, they look like the spend all the time they aren't working for a delivery service with an angry fat midget that runs the dispatch, working out in a gym. I'm sorry, I understand the need to make things look “pretty” for television, but take a really good look around at the casting of people in other countries, on other nation's programs, they don't all look that way, you have a nice mixture, much like you would in any average place here in the states. When foreigners watch our programing, many don't understand why on television, Americans are all in excellent shape and attractive, when the average American isn't, that isn't saying that we're all fat and ugly, I just mean that looking at statistics the average American isn't what we see on television, its a falsity. Other countries cast their programs accordingly to how people look where they are, and it pays off. Example; if the Canadian series “Trailer Park Boys” was made here in the states, I doubt that the characters that appear in the series would look as they do, Bubbles, who has thick glasses, lives in a shed with kitties and spouts wisdom wouldn't look as he does, Randy the shirtless trouble making assistant supervisor wouldn't look the same, nor would main characters Ricky and Julian, or the girls, or well the whole cast really. Someone in an American network boardroom would say “these don't look like what we want Americans to think are your average everyday people” or something, and they'd be changed to pretty people who look good on posters and things, except Bubbles, he would be made into a nerd that spends to much time on the internet and constantly spouts off quotes from various cult classic movies. Yeah, the idea of a show like that scares me, but you get the idea, American networks seem scared to cast realistically, if we're to survive and bring our product up in value, we need to get over the “only pretty people on TV” stigma we have here, and do what the rest of the world has done, try and cast our shows so they fit more with how our people really look, so they can identify with them.

Stop Making Formula Sitcoms: I can not stress this one enough, the writers on American television programs have become lazy and unimaginative, and just recycle the same plots and the same episodes over and over again, either on the same program or on different ones that follow the same formula. There is no creativity anymore, and it just has become so painful to watch as this circle repeats over and over and over, its been happening sense before I was born, and it will be happening long after I am dead unless someone stops it. It was once said to me, the sitcom killed television comedy, and in a sense thats true, before sitcoms came along, there were actual comedy series on television, which were filmed infront of live studio audiences, which ment the laughter, was real laughter, there were no signs saying to laugh or cheer or clap, people just did it because they wanted too, because the character was someone they all cared about or because the jokes were actually funny. Now most shows are closed set and the laughter is added in later with what they call “canned laughter”, which pretty much tells you when a joke is ment to be funny. I don't want some moron with a sound effects board to tell me when to laugh, or what should be funny, I want to decide for myself. And I want writers to come out from behind their hiding spots at their desks and own up for how they've done nothing but prostitute themselves for the sake of claiming they wrote on a certain television show, it happens this way in drama too, more so actually, where they try and make everything all super high tone drama all the time, but its just not. Though were a drama can sneak by with the guise of it being ment to be super dramatic, a sitcom can not.

And example of why the “American Style Sitcom” does not work; back in the mid-1990s, New Zealand's then fledgling network TV3 wanted to branch into comedy, so they hired some American sitcom writers and producers to come over and make a sitcom for them, the end result was the series “Melody Rules” which not only is seen as the worst comedy that was ever made in New Zealand, but also is seen as one of the worst sitcoms ever made in the entire world, it actually ranks number 4 on the international all time worst list, it used to be number 3 but was recently moved to its current standing do to an american made sitcom that aired and was promptly canceled ranking above it. The fact that the top three worst comedy programs ever made are american and follow this formula doesn't seem to bother anyone amazingly.. Melody Rules followed the “American Formula” which to those that don't know means this; three cameras to film, very few sets normally a living room/lounge room where most of the show happens, a kitchen, a bedroom, and maybe a hallway or front or back porch, everyone has a catchphrase, there is atleast one “wacky neighbor”, you hear people on the phone or references are made, but you never see them, and no one talks about anyone else they know that is not either part of the main cast or the extended cast and if they do, its because this person who they've known for however many years is going to appear in that episode and then never appear again or be mentioned, they are in a sense in their own little bubble, oh and they use canned laughter instead of live reaction. Melody Rules lasted two seasons, but most claim that was because they didn't want to give up on the show right away, given their lack of a replacement series for its timeslot. When asked why they disliked the program, the general response was that it seemed fake and cheaply made, they seemed to have no real point of plot, and were just poorly written and poorly conceived. This doesn't say that all sitcoms are bad, there has been a rise in recent years in one camera ones that are pretty good, one camera meaning they aren't bound to one location, they can go anywhere and its just needing one camera staying with the characters to film it, plus with those, the world seems more rich and believable because you aren't stuck in a living room or a kitchen all the time, you're able to roam and meet others, and have a big rich cast of extended players, this, though still using absurd plots, makes it seem more realistic and allows you to believe these people aren't just in a bubble where nothing ever happens except what goes on in that main room.

Do Not Use Ratings To Judge A Show's Worth: Its a hard cold fact, more times then not, ratings kill a program long before it should end. See, unlike other countries, which are willing to let a show air for its complete ordered run and maybe a second series, or season, or whatever it is they call first run programing where you are, just to see how much can be done with it, and allow it to properly set up its world and those who live in it, here in America we don't seem to believe in that concept, we believe that if the ratings aren't to a certain level, its not worth the time to air the program, and that we could just replace it with something else, or a rerun of something else in its timeslot till something can be found to fill that space. We seem to forget some programs start out slow and build up steam near the end of their first season, or the beginning of their second one or later. Some stories and characters take time to properly develop and build to what we're expecting them to be before the show can be as great as we're told it can be. Seinfeld was that way, I don't know how many people realize that after its first year Seinfeld was canceled, it was brought back after some boardroom politics and went on to become the series that so many claim to be one of the best comedies ever put on television, in a similar vain Fox's Family Guy was canceled for almost three years, only to come back and become a behemoth of sorts in the world of animated comedy. But in a world where so often you're given just afew weeks to attempt and find and gain a fanbase, cases of that nature are very few and far between, these days at best you can hope for would be a miniseries that concludes everything for you like the series Jericho had recently, or a direct to video finale like the series Prison Break. Or in the case of Guiding Light, the longest running non-news or sports program in american history, you'll just get an end, no real send off, no real fanfair, nothing, just shutting down the set. I mean I'm no fan of a soap opera, but come on, after 63 years or something, you're gonna just up and cancel a program because of numbers? Thats nuts.

More times then not in this day and age, the voices the networks should be listening too, are ignored, what the critics say and more importantly what the people say, a lot of times is completely ignored, and instead the over night and weekly ratings are all that matter. Now, I can understand to some degree where they might dismiss those like me in the critic field, but when you completely dismiss the voice of the viewers? That just seems like idiotic to me, the viewers are what matters, the viewers have all the power in this industry, they are the ones sitting infront of the television to watch a program, that means they are really all that matters. And if you ignore their voices, and just keep churning out spin offs and rehashes of the same thing over and over again, eventually they will leave you. Think about it, why do you think there are so many police and law shows out there? American Networks don't care about giving a program time to grow, to find its place, two perfect recent cases of this were the great dramatic comedy series “Reaper” which was poorly advertised but was incredibly fun to watch and loved by critics and fans, and the american take on the british series “Life On Mars” which, though very well made and well written, might have strayed from its concept slighty, though to be honest, I found it abit more enjoyable then its original version, both were great programs, that had slightly slow starts, and ended up being canceled because of it. Apparently averaging 2.5 million viewers per week isn't good enough to keep a program going, shame that. Also, just because a large amount of viewers appear for a pilot or a movie that will become a tv series, does not mean they are going to always be there, curiosity factor is huge in ratings, and how we end up with piles of crap like the 2008 version of Knight Rider.

Have Faith In Your Programing: This one is sort of a secondary to the ratings one, but is just as important. Sometimes, a television series will go through a small creative slump, sometimes it lasts half a season, sometimes it lasts a whole one, sometimes it lasts afew, but the point is, that doesn't make a tv show bad, its just in a ratings fueled world, a slump puts a target on your back in the entertainment business. Its natural that after a while, a show will have a small slump in writing, after afew years writers get alittle tired, and alittle creatively tapped and are in need of a refill on their creativity, this happens with all tv shows, its the nature of the beast as they say. But that doesn't mean you give up on them. A network should have enough faith in what they are airing that it shouldn't mark a show's demise when it has a slight slump in ratings, if it was always the case that once your ratings go down you're done, iconic series like Gunsmoke, Bonanza, M.A.S.H, All In The Family, Cheers, The Flintstones, and The Simpsons, wouldn't have lasted as long as they did, each and every one of them, to some degree had a slump in ratings, where they'd go from top 10 programing, to top 20, and finally round out somewhere in the top 50 for a time, but they would eventually power back, in most cases they'd do this cycle repeatedly. Infact in the case of The Simpsons, FOX Network owner Rupert Murdoch has stated that the show will only end when those that make the show feel its time to end it, and that he keeps it on to prove a point, that if you're good to your shows, they'll be good to you. Which is kind of ironic because FOX is one of the biggest offenders of canceling a program to do ratings. But my point is, if more networks had enough faith in a program to stick with it through the good times and the bad, and see it through to the light once again, we would have a lot more programs that are of good quality and of good standing with all aspects of the business, specially in a time when making 10 years is a big thing, let alone soon to be 21 years that The Simpsons have been on.

Less Reality Programing: Now, Reality TV is some pretty tricky water to traverse, and before you get the wrong idea, I'm not saying all reality series have to go, there just comes a point when enough is enough. Sure, we all have our own guilty pleasure reality tv shows, there isn't a person alive thats not watched atleast one episode of Survivor, or 3 minutes of the Real World, I have a friend in the UK thats like, super way into Big Brother, I personally am a huge Hell's Kitchen and Extreme Make Over: Home Edition fan, and I'd be abit hypocritical to shout down all reality television when I personally know some of the cast of Ghost Hunters and Ghost Hunters International. But despite all of the good programs out there that are reality, there is a whole lot of bad ones out there too. Mostly in the “reality game show” market, which in itself is a kind of slippery slope a lot of times, where the good is lost to the background for horribly bad dating game shows like “The Bachelor” and all the rehashes of that, or the ones where they put former or minor celebrities in horribly idiotic situations and record as they whore themselves out for prize money. Reality Television has become the last stop before you fall off the entertainment grid forever, its become a freakshow of sorts, anyone that doesn't understand what I mean by that, google a series called “There's Something About Miriam” and you'll understand exactly what I'm saying about reality tv.

Shorter Seasons Make For Quality Programing: I have said this so many times, quantity, does not always lead to quality when it comes to television, infact 9 out of 10 times it leads to failure. In every other country, and on both subscription and non subscription channels that do original programing here in the states, the most you'll see your average television series is between 10 to 13 episodes a year, sometimes more then that, sometimes less, depends on the show, the network all that. Now this isn't done for cost reasons, though cost does help, its done simply because it allows the writers time to come up with good quality unrushed scripts, that don't rehash or retread things they've already done, or were done by others. It allows them time to carefully write out and create great programing that people will wait all year, or in afew cases over a year, for. This works for the network's favor in two ways, first, you can allow your writers time to come up with the best programming you can for their timeslot, there is a very little pressure situation when you only need 13 episodes of gold instead of 26 episodes, of which 13 or so are gold and the rest is just filler, and secondly, it keeps a buzz going for your series, people knowing they'll have to wait like a year or half a year to see how a storyline progresses, that wait factor and the buzz it causes in a fanbase is the greatest form of promotion possible, its free, its honest, and its truly what the fans are saying, all the magazine adds, television spots, and whoring out of your female cast won't get you the kind of buzz word of mouth does. Plus, 13 episodes a year is cheaper then 26, the money they're saving, could fund another program that might have been great, but passed on because they couldn't find room on a schedule or something, which would be great, because I can't count the amount of times programs have been killed before they ever got the chance to air. I still am upset for shows like Babylon Fields, Pretty Handsome and Global Frequency among countless others that looked so well done, and such good ideas, but were killed because there was no place on the programming schedule for them, with 13 episode per season shows, there could be a chance things like that never happen again.

And my final point i'll make, given that this is kind of becoming a longer list then I wanted it to be in that start, is as follows....

Dissolve The FCC: Next to the RIAA and the MPAA, the FCC is the most harmful organization in entertainment, originally designed as a governing body in the early days of broadcasting as a government run organization that sort of acted like a police force for, at the time radio, it was created to regulate and monitor and keep in line localized and nationally broadcast radio programs, back in the days when american radio wasn't a joke, it was basically a way to witch hunt communists and other groups who were deemed subversive and “a threat to our freedom” by instilling none of them are able to get on the radio and reach the masses. Over the years its broadened its hold to include television as well as radio, and, by most accounts, is the single largest reason why american television has lost its way. The FCC seems to feel its their job to tell networks what is and isn't ok to air, in a sense, censoring content, which, I find very odd, given that each network has their own internal censors called “Standards and Practices”, who's job it is to regulate the nature of content aired on their network. Why we need a Federal organization that does this even after standards and practices has gone through a program, and simply just nitpicks and waters down each thing they show, is anybody's guess really. It all seems slightly redundant to me, if you have an inhouse censor who is versed in the rules of broadcast, who goes through each episode with a fine toothed comb before it airs, looking for anything at all they find questionable and with the new rating system we have here that clearly marks a program's intended viewer group, then why do we need a group like the FCC who really don't seem to do any good at all, and infact, a lot of times will go against their own written rules, I wonder just how many people are aware of The Safe Harbor / Watershed Laws out there.

The Safe Harbor / Watershed Laws are the laws that dictate what content can be shown after what time at night, as the night gets later, we're allowed to do more, these are the laws that let words like “bullshit” and “asshole” be used in dramas after 9pm at night, as well as in the past allowed for naked human rears, and I quote directly here, “side boob” meaning a woman's breast but seen from the side. Basically as far as the time frame goes, by 1am EST, there are no real limitations on what you can air content wise, this is why a lot of cable stations air “uncut” or “uncensored” versions of films at that time of night. Its funny though, even when we know that we're allowed, by law, to say certain words and show certain things after a certain time, the major non-pay networks are still pressured by means of threats of fines and being put off the air, to ignore these laws, and air the same “safe” programing they do otherwise. No one that I have asked in the industry really understands why this is done, but they all know it is. Its just one of the many things the FCC does that people find questionable. And what scares me the most, they've been doing it sense the beginning of television, if not longer, because, well, there aren't a lot of records remaining from the early days of radio, so we can't really guess.

So really, what good does the FCC do now that each network has its own internal monitoring group and willingly submits to its own clearly marked rating system? It does absolutely nothing. It just hinders people, as it always has, and most of its hindering has seemed puzzling in reason. Example, during the early 1950s, the FCC took up issue with now american classic series “The Dick Van Dyke Show”, first complaining about, and I kid you not, young Mary Tyler Moore, who played Dick's wife, wearing “skirts that were tight enough to show more female bottom then they believed wholesome”, when they would later fix this idiotic complaint by allowing Mary to wear pants, they then complained that “women don't wear pants, men do.”. I kid you not, these were their actual claims. They lost the pants issue when the entire female staff of the network showed up for work one day where the FCC was there to discuss it, and they all wore pants. Ironically, not long after this, “I Love Lucy” appeared, and both Lucy and Ethel would wear pants from time to time, many saw this as a jokingly supportive stab at the FCC. There are many other incidents like these, most recently, “nipplegate” as its called, where singer Janet Jackson flashed a nipple on international television for less then 0.7 seconds, the FCC used this incident to go on a media witch hunt of sorts, laying most of its brunt down on radio DJ Howard Stern, though, I'm not exactly sure how an incident that happened on television would lead to issues for radio, but I guess in their minds it was allowed. Anyway, you get my point, the FCC is a joke, its become nothing more then an interest group out to govern what we watch and what we see to their own personal likes and dislikes. Which is wrong, no one group should be allowed to force its ideas on anyone else, regardless of who they are. They're on par with religious radical groups like you read about in the news with their beliefs and really should be taken out of power. Plus, they're watering down and changing of our television programs is the number one thing keeping us from being able to compete with the other countries in quality.

And now, with all of those things said, I leave you with one final thing...

I understand that a lot of people won't agree with my ideas, and thats fine, its your right to do so and I respect that, but even if you don't agree with all of my ideas, think about them, just try to picture them in practice, and if you don't agree still, then I respect your right to think that way. I am just a man who wishes to make a medium he loves just abit better then its becoming, thats all.

I thank you for your time

---

Laz

Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen

2009-06-28T05:35:00.001-05:00

As the world knows, I am possibly one of the biggest fans in the entire world of The Transformers, and as anyone could guess, after watching the 2007 live action movie, I was basking in my fanboy glory, as wave after wave of people I know, went to see the film, many times with me, and I watched them recover memories long past of childhood toys and fun, or rekindle that spark of imagination and joy that so many of us children of the 1980s have centered around The Transformers, it is to us, similar to what "the force" is to those who grew up fans of Star Wars before it was ruined by Ewoks, you ask anyone that was alive in the 1980s, and they can name off atlast two Transformers, and in most cases sing the theme song, heck Tom Hanks busted out into the original 1983 cartoon theme song on the Tonight Show once in the late 1990s, when showing he can sing as well as act, much to the roar of those watching the taping of the show. Anyway you get the idea, in our gully of the Geek Forrest, a new transformers film is an event. And this one is no exception.

Now, to be fair, to say Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen is one of those perfect films that I desire all films to be like, would be untrue, but also to be fair, it falls into the same category as the first film, a great sci fi movie hidden as an excellent action movie, with just one or two things that annoy the general populous and tons of things people can nitpick until the end of time, but also, I think now two films into a franchise that could last many more films, I think thats gonna be the way they all are, and personally, I think thats great, a film shouldn't 100% cater to everyone in its fanbase, thats impossible, and completely improvable, and never a key to longevity, you need to evolve your story into a story that is recognizable to the fans, but also is fresh and different enough for new fans to come on board. And Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen does exactly that, and more so it does it with a style and coolness that not many films ever really live up too.

The film takes place two years after the first film ended, and now its cast are starting to go on with their lives, Sam Witwicky, is off to college on "on the east coast" which I guess is what you do after you apparently save the human race, and a race of alien robots from destruction, his girlfriend Mikaela Banes is working at a custom build and repair shop for cars and motorcycles with her recently released from prison father, she spends her days doing mechanic work and posing provocatively on motorcycles while whispering the word "camshaft" in a sexy tone for no real reason, Sam's parents Ron and Judy Witwicky are apparently heading off to France after they rush Sam off to college to make his room into a Home Theater, I would assume so they can watch more Micheal Bay films, after all that is the only real reason for home theaters. Sam's dog Mojo, now spends his days "dominating" the family's new bulldog Frankie, while Sam's guardian, the brave and awesome Bumblebee is living in Sam's parent's garage, apparently just chilling out like so much robotic Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli, though sadly, Bumblebee's voice box isn't working again in this movie, so you never get to hear Bumblebee say "aaaaay" or give the trademark thumps up most antiquate with The Fonz. As for the other Autobots; Optimus Prime, Ratchet and Ironhide are commanding a joint task force made up of Autobots and Humans that track and eliminate Decepticons that appear on planet earth looking for revenge for the end of the first film, or to simply find the surviving ones, Jazz however, is still very much dead, and very much in two parts, and still very much tossed to the side after his 4 second memorial at the end of the first film.

Trouble seems to be abound when Sam finds a small sliver of the Allspark, the all powerful rubik's cube from the first film, falls out of a jacket that he hasn't apparently worn sense the day he saved earth and all those to live on it, he picks it up, it transmits all sorts of images and pictures and things into his brain, it then glows very hot, causing Sam to drop it, and then melt through the floor and land on the kitchen table below, which, much like in the first film, causes everything electrical to come to life, and as you can guess, its all very mad and wants to beat on some humans, I guess thats the customary thing for robots to wanna do when they're just born these days, still not sure how that works, but hey, whatever gets their swagger on I guess, after destroying a good part of the Witwicky home, Sam calls for Bumblebee's help, who busts through the side of the garage and deals with the world's most angry kitchen set swiftly and with extreme prejudice, for which Sam, for some reason yells at him for, which upsets Bumblebee, no idea why you'd wanna yell at a 20 foot tall war mech that just saved you from a kitchen clock that was out for blood, but, Sam's a pretty confusing guy. After a short scene with Ron and Judy Witwicky talking about how they can't say killer robots did the damage to their home because of national security and that the government will pay for repairs, you see Sam gather "the sliver" off the table and place it in a metal container, he then hands it to his girlfriend Mikaela who shows up not long after the chaos happens, the two of them then go into the garage and explain to Bumblebee that he isn't going to college with Sam, to which Bumblebee starts to cry, because you know, giant war mech's cry all the time, I found this odd because, well come on, you're going to college, you'll need a car, I'm pretty sure a pimped out brand new Camaro is a good choice.

You then next see the other Autobots as they runamuck (hehe original transformer references rock) through the city of Shanghai where the Autobots have tracked atleast one Decepticon, who happens to be hiding in the form of the largest vehicle on the planet, a Terrex Excavator, though unnamed in the film this character is called Demolishor, this is where you are introduced to some of the new autobots in the cast, most notably Sideswipe, a silver new body style Corvette, the triplet female motorcycles; Arcee, Chromia, and their unnamed on screen third one, Arcee is pink, Chromia is blue, and the unnamed one, given its purple color scheme and keeping with the female auotbot names, I'm lead to believe is ment to be Elita-One, this is also where you meet most debated characters in the film, "The Twins" Skidz and Mudflap, seen here both combining into the front and back half of a 1950s style ice cream truck, love or hate these two, the decal on their alt mode's side, "Decepticons can suck my popsicles" is epically hilarious, after this scene The Twins each take their own alt mode and then proceed to spend the rest of the movie drawing more hate from the transformers fandom then when Megatron's head CGI rendering leaked to the internet before the 2007 film.

Once you've been introduced to each of them, Demolishor transforms into his freakishly huge robot mode and starts to make a mess of the city of Shanghai, as is the custom with giant robots that are featured in the trailer for films about giant robots, as he does this, another Decepticon is detected, this time a high end sports car, though unnamed in the film as well, his name is Sideways, he is however quickly cut in half by Sideswipe in a scene thats to show us just how bad ass Sideswipe is, as the fight with Demolishor rages on, eventually Optimus Prime is called in, and after a fight through the city that causes even more property damage, and after harbingering the return of The Fallen, Optimus Prime ends the fight in the only way a hero of his nobility and stature could, by shooting Demolishor right in the face, heroically. From here you go abit more into learning whats been going on in the two years sense the first film, and you also meet Soundwave, who's so bad ass he spends the whole movie floating over the planet in some strange almost Satellite like form, I guess much like his original counterpart, Soundwave is just too awesome for us humans to handlehe does send down his "pet" Ravage though, so I guess thats something. You also see the Decepticons discover Megatron's body and steal the chunk of Allspark that was in the care of this Autobot/human task force (called NEST), and soon Megatron is revived and in the mood to kill him some humans, you are also introduced to The Fallen, who really only plays a small role in the film which bares his name, I found that confusing, but I didn't care, I was too busy being assaulted by awesome to care. You also meet Wheelie, the decepticon turned autobot radio control truck who spends his time in film being burned in the eye with a welding torch, locked in a case, swearing randomly and doing that thing to Megan Fox's leg that dogs do when they REALLY like you, all of these things would be funny on their own, but add to them that Wheelie is voiced by Tom Kenny who is using his trademark SpoungeBob Squarepants voice during it all, it just makes it even funnier.

With out giving away key plot points or too much detail, the movie shifts up into its fastest gear and then hits a nitro boost to give it that just enough super fast paced action to keep even the hardest of the hardcore fan happy and the motion sicknessest of the motion sickness suffers out there vomiting into their popcorn buckets. During this you find out what happened to Agent Simmons after Sector Seven was disband at the end of the first film, and you meet Jetfire who swears alot, is really old, really grumpy, has a cane that transforms as part of his alt form, and can use Spacebridges to travel from place to place, a Spacebridge in this version of the Transformers is basically a teleportation system that takes you from one place, and tosses you out in another, it doesn't seem to be all that safe, with the tossing everyone in the air all willy nilly and such instead of a nice soft landing, but hey, Jetfire himself is awesome for an old grumpy aussie slang speaking robot, oh and Devastator, the simple minded giant decepticon death machine of death shows up, and after causing alot of property damage and apparently almost beaten by The Twins, he eventually gets shot in the... crotch? i guess is the best way to explain that, with a railgun, and I seriously wish I was making that up, but I'm not, it really happens. Also the Fallen himself shows up for the end fight, which is strange because you really only see him for about 20 minutes tops in the whole film and you are left wondering why a secondary character got their name into the title.

There is alot more to this movie, but really with out spoiling it I can't really go on, but trust in me when I say that the film was just as amazing as I'd hoped it would be and I hope none of you take my light hearted tongue in cheek review of the film with negative connotations I truly loved it and am already crying for the next one to come out, sure there are alot of confusing things, mostly nitpicky things that didn't ruin the film for me by any means, but just sort of bugged me; like how certain decepticons seemed to be in more then one place at a time, and others came back from their deaths in the first film or there were two cons that shared the same alt mode, also lack of screen time for awesome newer characters like Sideswipe that really only feature in the first 10 minutes then hardly do anything the rest of the film, the ton of unnamed characters on both sides, and Alice, if you wanna understand why Alice bothered me, google these words "Transformers Kiss Player" and watch your mind shatter into thousands of bits. Also on the controversy of The Twins, though i can see where people find them racist or annoying, I can understand this way of thinking, but, we all need to remember, in every single part of the Transformers mythos, there has been atleast one character that you either hated or loved, in the movie universe, I'm assuming that role will be The Twins.

So, if you've not seen this film yet, I just have to ask, why are you sitting here reading the end of my review, get yourselves out there and see it! This, like the 2007 film before it, and all of those which will follow, are going to always be a happening, just like this is, you gotta be a part of it, fan or not.

Oh and just for fun, I'll leave you with these lines...

"Oh my friend, he went out to find you a tighter shirt"
"there isn't one.."
"yeah, we checked"

you will laugh yourself silly at it when its time comes to pass.

---

Laz

So, I just watched Bruno...

2009-06-24T15:31:00.000-05:00

I'm sure most of you have heard about this film, Sasha Baron Cohen's follow up to the ridiculously huge hit Borat, where he went around in the guise of a middle eastern looking newsman from central Europe who came to America to learn about our culture and how his people could be more like us, and along the way trying to teach about his country's customs. We all know now that in truth, it was a "smash" style movie, where in it was filmed with the character dealing with real people in real situations, where the real comedy isn't really Borat, so much as people reacting to him and his ways, that "how far will we go to be polite and not make a fuss do to cultural differences" thing, that was the true comedy of Borat, I'm not sure how many people really get that about it...

Anyway, for whatever reason, Sasha Baron Cohen, creator of Borat and before him hilariously chav British hip hop legend Ali G, has decided to go around, doing what he did with Borat again, but this time with an insanely flamboyant homosexual and completely clueless German character by the name of Bruno, only this time he's pushed the "real" up about 15 levels. And I'm sorry, it just doesn't work for me.

See, Borat was offensive, but there was an innocent unintentional offensiveness to him, like, you know if anyone else had said "we're going to speak to real chocolate faced man!" and then spoke to a black man, you would be offended, but given the innocently clueless nature of Borat, you find yourself laughing at it, even if you feel bad about it later. However, with Bruno, Cohen plays him as a completely shallow, ignorant, self centered, and just plain rude. There is none of the charm of either Borat or Ali G, there is just an insulting ignorance to Bruno that I found myself not caring for at all. Like when he tells a fake talk show's all black audience that he's named his adopted African baby a "traditional African American name" and then tells him he's named the child after O.J Simpson, much to their outrage, or how he speaks to a Muslim extremist and repeatedly calls him a terrorist, and says things like "your god, looks like a dirty crazy man, or homeless Santa Claus", you don't laugh, you find yourself wondering how exactly this was supposed to work when Cohen wrote it out on paper, and who he's trying to insult more, Americans and how our culture has influenced the world, or Europeans that are stereotypically seen as Eurotrash like Bruno in most country's media.

Dunno, maybe its just me, but, this just didn't work for me, i'm sure there is an audience for it out there, after all pot smokers haven't had a good pot friendly movie yet this year, maybe they'll be the ones that go and see this, because I can't really see any sane person doing so, but thats just me i guess.

So who knows...?

--

Laz

Ten Foreign Films Everyone Should See

2009-06-23T00:52:00.002-05:00

I've always been a fan of the foreign cinema, most assume its to do with my roots in grindhouse and its obsession with asian market action films, and thats probably correct, but it goes so far past that, as I've grown older in my 31 years on this planet, most of which were spent watching movies, I've gained a sort of love for foreign language films, maybe its the way they're shot, or how they dare to do things that we here in the states wouldn't ever do, or couldn't do because of rating systems and things, or their completely non-formula take on things, or how they all feel generally real for the most part, given their shot on actual location, not just shot in LA or Vancouver and have you believe its some other place, or maybe its a number of things that i just can't seem to put my finger on, but the fact remains, i do love the foreign cinema ever so, and that is why I thought about it, and felt the need to write down my list of ten foreign films that everyone should see.. Oh and I should note that the order these are in isn't really a "top ten list" or anything its just I felt the need to number them, because I'm organized like that...

So with out any farther preamble, lets get to it...

Number 10: Yojimbo
As anyone can tell by my almost constant rambling on the matter, I am a huge fan of the Asian master of cinema himself Akira Kurosawa. And though you hear me go on and on about Seven Samurai and Rashomon, my two favorites, I often forget to mention the brilliance that is Yojimbo, the tale of a lone ronin (a master less samurai) who calls himself "Kuwabatake Sanjuro" a made up name its implied, and how he brings peace to two warring towns by inciting them to the brink of war. Alot of people claim this is the first "man with no name" film ever made, the man with no name concept would later become a staple of the early Clint Eastwood westerns among other things in the west, and I guess its possible, after all alot of Kurosawa's work was adapted and borrowed from in westerns, given the concept behind most westerns and samurai films weren't all that different. If you've not seen Yojimbo though, its definitely worth tracking down a copy via the internet or retail, beautiful film with a poignant story told as only Akira Kurosawa can.

Number Nine: Häxan
This is another of those films I'm always going on about, and with good reason honestly, readers of my blog know that this film is a documentary done in the early part of the 20th century about the history of witchcraft, and though we all know the "facts" to be horribly wrong, the cinematography and re-enacting of alot of the "historical events" make this film a must watch, even if you find it just comically bad, or insultingly offensive to your intelligence, its still very much worth a look, if for nothing else but to see just how early film makers from around the world did things in the days when budgets were so low they were almost not even there at all. Personally, I find the film engaging in the sense that even though its facts are all based on unchecked and untrue hearsay and local superstition, it still shows you just how far we have come in our beliefs of those things we can't understand and fear or dismiss because of that. Plus, the devil dancing around with all the witches will make anyone laugh atleast once.

Number Eight: Omaret Yakobean
Its name translates to "The Yacoubian Building" in english, and is possibly the greatest arabic movie I have ever seen. It was groundbreaking in both middle eastern cinema and in its native Egyptian cinema as well, given its taboo breaking nature, most notably the true to life in the middle east depiction of an openly homosexual character in a prominent role in the film, as well as its bluntly true depiction of discrimination do to someone's personal and even their parent's social standing. Its just a brilliant picture of what life is like in a modern, non war torn middle eastern country thats trying to stay true to its history and beliefs, but also moving forward in the modern world. The story is really several small stories all rolled together to make a film, with the central connection being the business buildin for which the film is named as the center point. Each story is happening at the same time, and though short in the pretext of fitting into a film with other stories to be told, they do a great job, I won't go into to much detail about each because i'd tend up telling you everything, but this really is a film everyone should watch atleast once, its based on a book of the same name and even spawned a television series, which is pretty impressive for anywhere in the world honestly.

Number Seven: Kader
This turkish film's name translates to "Destiny" and follows the life of three people, an emotionally damaged woman in her middle 20s, her mentally unstable boyfriend, and a shy man who falls in love with her, and how their lives connect and enventualy lead to the same point of destiny. I've always loved films of this nature, they are so good when done right, which sadly doesn't happen as often as you'd believe in cinema. This film took my by surprise honestly, I wasn't expecting to be as riveted to it as I was, truly impressed. The film does a great job jumping between the focus on all three and their backstories and clearly drives home how their relationships all work, the second half of the film though is the best, when it jumps afew years and involves two of them looking for the location of the other and all that happens in that quest, thats where the film really shines. Its hard to actually explain this film with out giving you everything all at once and ruining it, which really is a good sign about a film. Atleast I think so.

Number Six: Sügisball
As I've stated many times, I love this film, its name translates to "Autumn Ball" and tells the story of those who live in a rundown apartment building in Tallinn Estonia before the fall of the soviet union, it tells its stories in a fashion alot like Omaret Yakobean except in some form or another everyone in main cast interacts with each other and plays a role in each other's stories, and unlike most movies of this kind, they all come to the same end. I fell in love with the style this film was shot in almost insanely, form its realistic location shooting to its realistic depiction of social interaction on all levels, a true feel of realism, I always love thta in a film. A film's job is to take you into the world of the characters and make you feel a part of the story, not to just stare at a screen for 2 hours or so. I had alot of trouble though on this one, where to place it and such once I decided I wanted to show Estonia some love, and debating between listing this one, magnus or Klass all three are equally as brilliant, was really hard to decide, so I finally just pulled a name out of a hat. Yes, thats exactly how we all do lists in the business, its a truly scientific method really.

Number Five: Linha de Passe
I would be in alot of trouble if I hadn't included a Brazilian film on this list, and though to be honest, I am fairly new to the Brazilian cinema, one of the stand outs for me, has been Linha de Passe, the story of a poor family in São Paulo and how they all reach for their dreams while trying to survive. The film depicts a family that consists of four brothers who all have different father's but the same mother, who is pregnant with a fifth child and cleans houses for a job. The film tells each brother's story of their dreams as they go through childhood together and how they try to reach their goals while not being taken into the somewhat unhealthy lifestyle of the Favela (shanty town in english) where they live. As you would expect with a film of this nature, its fun and uplifting, and at times seriously saddening, but its true to life in that respect, no life anywhere is with out conflict or emotion. This film made me want to do research on the lifestyles of those who live in Favela communities and it seems to be pretty on point with afew differences, that I assume where made for cinematic reasons, but you get that with any film honestly, though as I've stated many times, the key is the not make it seem unrealistic. I was totally taken by surprise with this film, I hope the rest of you will be too.

Number Four: Linkeroever
I, like many, spent most of last year raving about swedish vampire film "Let the Right One In", and rightly so, but once that dust settled, I was aimed in the direction of another foreign horror film, who's name translates to "The Left Bank" in english, Linkeroever is a Belgian horror film in the older meaning of the term, where its more like a thriller that messes with your mind and your senses, with out going for that insultingly craptastic to the viewer concept modern american horror has where it has to be all bloody and gross out to be scary. This is more horror in the vain of the 1972 version of Last House On The Left or the 1973 version of The Wicker Man, where it was more the slow decent into a mental hell of one's own making was the real horror of the film. The centerpiece of this film is, oddly enough, the love story between its main characters and how its put through the most horrible stress, its the story of Maria, a professional runner who has just qualified for a large europian championship, and Bobby, a professional Archer, its the story of how they meet, fall in love, move in together and are slowly driven insane as they find clues to the mysterious disappearance of the people that lived in the apartment building on the left bank of Antwerp, which is built on an area said to have mysterious and dangerous history going all the way back to the Medieval times. I know alot of people will think this is a horror film in the horribly over done american sense and dismiss it, but seriously, don't sleep on this one, this film is a stellar mental horror film that twists your mind up in knots the whole way through.

Number Three: Loss
Its original name "Nereikalingi žmonės" translating too "Unnecessary People", this Lithuanian drama, loosely based on the film "Six Degrees of Separation" is the story of six lives that clash together no matter how hard they try not to, and how no matter what you do, you can not run away from your life and its complexity, there is just now way. The film starts in Ireland where a priest who's come there from Lithuania meets a woman from his homeland, and discovers that she is connected to the life he tried to leave behind. its a bitter tail of love, adultery, and child custody, thats just so gut wrenching that it almost is a crime to have not seen it, its just, so well made and so direct and to the point with its story and message. I love when a film does that, seriously, I can't repeat this enough, a good film is a film that takes you into its world and makes you feel you're part of it, something that is helped by the way the film was shot. It was shot in a way akin to the film Cloverfield, which was done all by hand held cameras to give you a "natural" sense of movement, you are at eye level with the cast, you move at the same speed, the same motions all of that, you truly feel as if you are part of the film. I love that.

Number Two: A Touch of Spice
This is the cute greek dramatic comedy that tells the story of a man named Fanis Iakovides as he looks back at his childhood in the 1960s and remembers his time living in Istanbul Turkey, and then moving to Athens Greece, it starts out in Istanbul where he works in a specialty spice shop owned and run by his turkish grandfather, a sort of culinary philosopher as he's called, he teaches him of the joy of spices and how they are the secret to life. He is later deported back to Greece with his parents because tention between Greece and Turkey at the time demanded the deportation of all greeks and their families back to Greece. Fanis having issues fitting in to life in Athens, spends alot of his time in the kitchen cooking, the only real link to his homeland and to his grandfather, this worries his mother who fears either he is depressed or a homosexual, how being a great cook links to homosexuality I have no idea, Fanis grows up to become an excellent cook and teaches many others, and often shares his tricks with friends and other cooks he meets, the film ends with Fanis back in Istanbul with his grandfather's health fading and looking back at his life. Its a cute and kind of sad at times story of one man's life, its not stellar or something that will stand the test of time, but, I find it a nice peak at the greek cinema, which is often forgotten by most outside of the country itself.

Number One: 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
I'm pretty sure most people knew this film would be on this list, given how I constantly rave about it, and how its a must see film. For those that are new, or haven't seen me ramble about this film, "4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days" is a Romanian film that takes place in 1987 Romania, when abortion is still illegal, it tells the story of two friends and their journey to find an abortionist to terminate one of them's unwanted pregnancy, and all the mental trauma that happens on the way, during and after, as i've said many times, its a punch you in the face hard edged in your face taboo subject matter film that kicks you in the genitals and stabs you in the stomach with its realism and its drive to push just how important it is to make films of this nature, about these things that no one ever talks about, and more so, to never water them down as most countries do. This gem of Romanian Cinema doesn't do that, instead it refuses to even entertain the idea and forces you to deal with its nature, if you agree with the subject matter or not, it doesn't care, it just makes you sit there cativated in your seat while it tells you a story that you might not be personally ready to hear, but are going to hear anyway. I've said it before and i'll say it again, films like this need to be made, and seen.

Ok so thats it for this post... i'll be back soon... so till then, blessid be.

---

Laz

Fun with Wallpaper making

2009-05-27T19:04:00.007-05:00

I recently came into ownership of an original poster for the 1968 Italian film "acid" a forgotten drugsplotation movie by Giuseppe Maria Scotese, a film which most only are vaguely aware of given its somewhat iconic and highly sought after promotional poster.

It is that promotional artwork, that I wish to show off abit of my amateur photoshop skills with, mostly because I got bored with my current pc background and wanted something completely different.

First off, lets have a look at what the image looked like at the start... click it for a beautiful super hi-rez version...

From there I decided to first, make just take the image of the woman and make it a black background, you know something simple and not to far above my photoshop talents, which really don't involve this kind of work normally.. Again, click the picture for the full size version

And just for those who wish to keep things as close to original as possible, I made this second version, which keeps the logo intact, and again click for a bigger picture...

Sure they aren't the greatest in photoshop tech, and they probably never will be, but, I had fun making them, and sharing them with you all. And I hope maybe I've inspired afew of you got out there and see if you can find a copy of this movie, its abit of a trip.. haha get it? drug movie? a trip? haha... my american slang is lost on most of you but hey, its still awesome to me... hehe...

enjoy everyone :D

--

Laz

Canceled US Television Shows for 2008-2009 Season

2009-05-26T23:34:00.001-05:00

So with the fall 2008 to summer 2009 television season coming to an end here in the united states, I figured we could have us a look at what shows have bid their final cast call this year, some will be missed, some make alot of sense, some i wonder how they made it to tv in the first place.. So lets just right into it...

Canceled US Television Shows for the 2008 - 2009 Season

ABC

* According to Jim (Final episode airs June 2)
* Boston Legal
* Cupid (1 unaired episode)
* Dirty Sexy Money (Final 4 episodes air July 18-Aug. 8)
* Eli Stone (Final 4 episodes air June 20-July 11)
* Homeland Security USA (5 unaired episodes)
* In the Motherhood (3 episodes to air in June)
* Life on Mars
* Opportunity Knocks (6 unaired episodes)
* Pushing Daisies (Final 3 episodes air May 30-June 13, will continue as comic book)
* Samantha Who? (7 unaired episodes)
* The Unusuals (Final episode airs June 17)

My Thoughts:
Not alot of surprise here, but that doesn't mean afew don't make me mad, Eli Stone, Dirty Sexy Money and Pushing Daisies were amazingly well done and enjoyable shows that deserved alot more ratings and alot bigger of a push from the network then they got, for nothing else then to thank them from keeping their timeslots out of the toilet during the writer's strike last year. My biggest complaint is the canceling of Life On Mars, sure it was a remake of a great british program, and yes, the finished product is ALOT better then the pilot I saw over the summer last year, but still, everyone knows a crime drama takes atleast two seasons to get going, I guess everyone forgets that eh? The rest are aging sitcoms that should have been ended long before now, or rip off of Life On Mars cop shows.

CBS

* Eleventh Hour
* The Ex List (7 unaired episodes)
* Game Show in My Head (7 unaired episodes)
* Guiding Light (Last episode airs September 18)
* Harper's Island (Last episode airs July 11)
* Million Dollar Password (Final episode airs June 14)
* Swingtown
* The Unit
* Without a Trace
* Worst Week

My Thoughts:
There really are only two surprises on this list honestly, the canceling of the longest running television show in history, Guiding Light, now I'm not a fan of soaps really, granted now and then I'll watch one for the camp hilarity of stories about secret pregnancies, murder and rape thats forgotten like 5 months later, and people coming back from the dead with an eye patch, graying hair and a vendetta, but after 57 years on the air or something like that a tv show has earned the respect enough to just keep doing what it does. Plus I'm pretty sure its ratings are better then The Price Is Right, which really should get the axe, because really, there is nowhere in the country that stuff costs what they say it does, also Drew Carey's a douche. The other surprise for me is Swingtown. Now I've always loved well done period pieces, I find that it interesting how much details goes into those sort of shows, and sure, some might roll their eyes and lightly chuckle at the idea of a drama set in a small community in the late 1970s that has embraced the "swinger" lifestyle, but it was just so well done, and well acted, its just another case of CBS mishandling a great show, like they did with Jericho and how they passed on Babylon Fields. It almost makes me wonder if any show that doesn't have the following of the elderly or the letters C S or I in its title, they have no idea what to do with it. No other surprises really, they said from the start the Harper's Island was going to be a 13 part miniseries, plus i don't really know how they could keep it going given its premise anyway, shame though because its really good. The rest, I'm not really said to see go, afew aging dramas that were past their time and afew failed comedies. I guess I don't get my wish of no more Big Bang Theory or Gary Unmarried this year, stupid TV Cancellation Faeries never do come through for me, I need to stop doing assassinations for them, they never do come through.

The CW

* 13: Fear Is Real
* 4REAL (1 unaired episode)
* Easy Money (4 unaired episodes)
* Everybody Hates Chris
* The Game
* In Harm's Way (5 unaired episodes)
* Privileged
* Reaper (Final episode airs May 26)
* Stylista
* Valentine (4 unaired episodes)

My Thoughts:
My only real complaint here is Reaper, that show is just so brilliant and well acted, and just made of win. Reaper was canceled for lack of ratings, atleast thats the claim, though i could argue that a show thats only promoted around Halloween, given its premise and storyline, really never had a chance to begin with, but i can still be bitter. Thing is, in truth, Reaper wasn't canceled because of ratings, looking at this list and doing alittle research will tell you, all of The CW's comedy is on this list, which means they will be the first network to be with out any comedy programing at all, and instead plan on replacing them, the two dramas on that list and the one reality show, with more teenager aimed dramatic shlock, even a rip off of that horrible Twilight series is coming from them. A network with not comedy makes no sense, it sounds almost like they're aiming for ratings failure. Good luck staying at the bottom with your teenager aimed angst and turmoil ridden shows about pretty young people doing dumb things.

FOX

* Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? (Final episode airs in August)
* Do Not Disturb (3 unaired episodes)
* Don't Forget the Lyrics (Final episode airs June 19)
* Hole in the Wall (8 unaired episodes)
* MADtv
* Prison Break (Will be a Direct-to-DVD movie)
* Secret Millionaire
* Sit Down, Shut Up (8 unaired episodes, may air in Summer)
* TALKSHOW with Spike Feresten
* Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

My Thoughts:
So this is abit of a confusion, Fifth Grader and Lyrics were always a nice easy to make summer ratings win for FOX, I'm not sure why they'd feel the need to cancel that but I guess thats the way they wanna roll. Kind of a shock Secret Millionaire got killed honestly, you'd think any show that knocks rich people down a peg would be worth a second try. Even though I knew back in december that MadTV was off the air come June, it still kind of sad to me, the only show brave enough to take on Saturday Night Live, and actually be funnier and more current, for half the budget, getting the axe after 14 years is kind of a kick in the face. As for Terminator, they stated all along this would be the last part of the show more then likely, given with the movie Terminator Salvation being the end result of the series' future and all, and their thinking that sending back another terminator to change the past again would be abit not television friendly of an idea. The rest, meh, I don't really care enough about to bother caring.

MyNetworkTV

* Celebrity Exposé (several unaired episodes)
* Jail (Final episode airs July 14)
* Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed
* Masters of Illusion
* Street Patrol (Final episode airs August 4)
* The Tony Rock Project
* Under One Roof
* Vice Squad
* The World's Funniest Moments

My Thoughts:
Seriously, does anyone really care about this network? its closing its doors in June and gonna become a subscription service for indie channels, and really all those channels want is WWE Smackdown, which is infact the only show they're keeping.

NBC

* America's Toughest Jobs
* The Chopping Block (Final episodes air June 19-July 17)
* Deal or No Deal
* ER
* Howie Do It
* Kath & Kim
* Kings (Final episodes air June 13-July 25)
* Knight Rider
* Life
* Lipstick Jungle
* Medium (Moving to CBS)
* Momma's Boys
* My Name Is Earl
* My Own Worst Enemy
* Superstars of Dance

My Thoughts:
The canceling of My Name Is Earl is abit of a shocker, I mean most NBC sitcoms that make it 5 years always seem to make it far enough to go the distance, but i guess not this time. ER we all knew was ending, and we all knew Scrubs was moving networks, so those aren't much of a shock really, nore are the rest, they were all sub par programs that didn't do much as far as ratings go and were horrible as far as writing goes. The gameshows are abit of a surprise, but all networks cut their gameshows, so that makes sense they'd follow through. Plus Medium got picked up by CBS so, who knows. NBC's gonna have a huge problem anyway, they'll need programing once Jay Leno's new show tanks, and they need to fill those slots again. Good luck with that. Idiots.

Only other things getting canceled that I care about really are The Middleman and The Starter Wife. I do love the middleman ever so given its geektastic nature, as for The Starter Wife, I do love anything with Debra Messing in it, oh the horrors I would brave for that woman, among them actually watching Will and Grace.

Well thats that for now... check y'all soon

---

Laz

Television Shows You Should All Give A Watch Pt. 2

2009-05-21T22:56:00.000-05:00

Continuing where i left off with my suggestions of tv shows that people should give a look too....

ready, set, lets go....

Name: Outrageous Fortune
Country: New Zealand
Genre: Dramatic Comedy
Airing Status: fifth series is currently in production.
You can find the Downloads: here (sorry for the size, was the only torrent i could find)

I have to state this at the start here, I was introduced to this series by a friend of mine who's taste in television and movies I find so good it probably is better then my own. Anyway with that said, lets get into this, Outrageous Fortune does something that people have been trying to do sense the birth of television, make a perfect modern take on a Shakespearian dramatic comedy, and though I've seen many who came close, the creators of this somewhat obscure New Zealand series have hit the mark, even paying homage to the concept by taking not only the show's name, but the episode titles, all from the work of the immortal bard, sure its a risk and abit brash, to reach that high with your series, but it pays off so many times over. The show itself is the story of The West family, a family who's business is crime. Well it was until their matriarch Wolfgang "wolf" West is sent to jail for 4 years, in the wake of this, his wife Cheryl decides the entire family needs to go straight, that they can't continue to live as they do, the show follows as the family blurs that line between right, wrong, legal and illegal, with each character tending to slant one way or the other depending on their beliefs and characteristics. Its a brilliantly written, darkly funny and at times outright sexy modern take on the classic concept of redemption and repentance meets real world ethics and ideals. if you've not had a chance to have a look at this brilliant series then you need to give it a look. Its also been remade in the UK under the title "Honest" and is going to be made in the US as "Good Behavior".

Name: Demons
Country: UK
Genre: Sci Fi Action Fantasy
Airing Status: unsure, contract talks are stalled, possibly ended.
You can find the Downloads: here

Demons is a pretty neat little concept of a show, take the idea brought forth by various other shows about hunting down supernatural things, but instead of something tired and kind of trite like "a vampire killed my parent/brother/sister/second cousin/girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever now i must hunt down all creatures of the night!" or some other concept thats as played out as pacman on the atari 2600, this show takes that concept and mixes with with a classic story that doesn't really get much love these days, the story of Bram Stroker's Dracula. Demons follows the story of Luke Rutherford, a teenager who happens to be the last of the Van Helsing family's bloodline, when he's attacked by a "half life" (their word for demon), he is eventually saved by Rupert Galvin, a man his mother recognizes as the best friend of her dead husband. Rupert explains to Luke that he is the last of the Van Helsing bloodline, and that its his duty to take up the family business, which happens to be fighting demons. He takes Luke to a place called The Stacks, where all the knowledge and weapons they will need for this task is, he also meets Willamina Harker, a blind woman, who you later find out is the very same Mina Harker from the book Dracula, she has gone blind by using a machine to filter her blood to keep the vampire urges at bay. Eventually they are also aided by Luke's best friend Ruby, who demands they let her help, and after proving herself, she's welcomed in. The Four of them go about, as Rupert puts it "Grading and Smiting" the demons of the world. Sure its maybe not the best show out there, but its fun, and a pretty fun way to waist an hour of your time, not to scary, not too camp, somewhere right in the middle. plus, the show stars Philip Glenister, better known as Gene Hunt in the original version of Life On Mars and its follow up series Ashes to Ashes, and Zoe Tapper of Survivors, all of which are shows I greatly enjoy, so can't really go wrong.

Name: Shameless
Country: UK
Genre: Drama Comedy
Airing Status: just finished its 6th series, number 7 starts in early 2010.
You can find the Downloads: here (pick which ever way you wanna download'um)

Believe it or not, the concept of white trash is not relegated completely to the southern part of united states, I know, its a concept that had me baffled at first too, but then I saw the awesome that is Shameless, and I never wondered again. The series follows the Gallagher family, consisting of Frank Gallagher and his nine children, as they slum about a housing estate in Manchester England (england, across the atlantic sea..) and interact with those around their estate and area around it. The closest I could reference it too would be the old american series Rosanne, where you have a true to life low income family and their friends and enemies all trying to just get by, and just like that series, when they need to be serious they are, but more times then not, they're just funny as hell. It helps that the show is fronted by the amazing David Threlfall as Frank Gallagher, if you've never seen David's work, you are missing out, the best showings of his range is as Frank, or when he appeared in the tv show Afterlife on an episode called "The Rat Man" which just sends shivers up my spine. You should seriously give this one a look, before HBO screws it up like they screwed up Little Britain. Also, if you can, find subtitles the accents get abit hard to follow sometimes... lol

Name: The Venture Brothers
Country: USA
Genre: Action Comedy
Airing Status: Season Four is in production
You can find the Downloads: here

I would be untrue to myself if my list of shows everyone should give a try didn't have atleast one cartoon on it, and sense i can't find downloads of the incredible Delta State, I will go with my second favorite animated series, The Venture Brothers. Designed as a spoof on classic action adventure television shows and books aimed at 1950s, 60s and 70s young teens, in particular The Hardy Boys and (very heavily) classic cartoon Johnny Quest. The show follows the adventures of Dean and Hank Venture, two fraternal twins born 6 minutes apart, their father Doctor Thadeus S. Venture and his Bodyguard Brock Sampson, as well as their rather large extended cast of both other adventures and supervillains. its large rich cast really is where the show shines the brightest. From the hilarious villain known as The Monarch, a man who hates Dr. Venture with all he has in him and has a flair for long winded speeches about said hate, all while dressed as a giant monarch butterfly with his sidekick, Doctor Girlfriend, who looks like a shapely version of Jackie Kennedy but has a voice like a man thats been smoking cigars his whole life, to the completely over the top Doctor Byran Orphious, a necromancer who rents an old wing of the Venture compound and is always more then willing to help the ventures out, and so many others. Its really a hilariously brilliant program, sure its goofy and kind of formula, but its brilliantly done, its camp enough to make you wanna come back for more, and its spoof enough that you'll find yourself having a stroll down memory lane remembering alot of the stuff thats referenced or spoofed. Seriously recommend it if you haven't had a look yet.

Name: The Middleman
Country: USA
Genre: Comedy Action
Airing Status: Ended
You can find the Downloads: Here

When asked to tell you about me, there are five things the people who know me will tell you, 1.) I am way to far into comic books, sci fi, and other things of geek culture for my own good, 2.) that I become very annoying with my constant pop culture references, 3.) I really like my fried chicken, 4.) I sing the body electric, and 5.) I love to laugh and have a good time. Three of those things are embodied perfectly in the awesome that was The Middleman, an obscure hour long series that each episode was spoofing some facet of geek culture, every last detail would be taken from anything related to what the episode is around. Examples; in the episode with ghosts, the haunted house was at 1984 Ray Parker Jr. Avenue, and a special device they used to see the ghosts' name spelled out Ecto One and was invented by Dr. Egone Vankmen. All references to the Ghostbusters films, the first one came out in 1984, Ray Parker Jr. sang the well known theme song to the film, Ecto One was the car they drove, and two of the characters were Egone and Vankmen. See what I mean? Another example; in the episode where they went to another dimension, all the male characters had beards, there was a store called "Mirror Mirror", they used a device called a tardis locater and a young NASA operative was called Leftbridge Stewart, there was a classic episode of the original Star Trek series called "Mirror Mirror" in which evil version of the cast came from another dimension, evil Spock had a beard and Goatee, Leftbridge Stewart is a reference to the character of the same name, more commonly known as "The Brigadier" from the classic sci fi series Doctor Who, in which The Doctor and his companions would travel in a ship called The tardis. In another episode they fight a mafia like group of Lucha libre wrestlers, headed by two men who wear masks like El Santo and The Blue Demon... Ok I think you get the idea. Its just the brilliance of how the show as written and how they worked so much in, even the aliases used by The Middleman and Wendy the plucky young girl who assists him, are all references to characters from old actors, old tv shows, old comic books, ect. Its just so much fun to watch, sure its cheesy and low budget, but I don't care, and you shouldn't either, its just amazingly well written silliness at its best. Shame its over though.

Name: Underbelly
Country: Australia
Genre: drama crime
Airing Status: Series 2 just finished, 3 will air next year.
You can find the Downloads: here (pick from here)

I guess just like anyone, I'm a sucker for a well made crime drama, oh sure, there are tons out there, some good, some bad, some somewhere in the middle. In the upper levels of the good is the aussie crime drama Underbelly, the show that many has claimed could be the greatest aussie show ever made, and thats a tall order, there isn't alot of shows that can match the awesome that was Skippy the Brush Kangaroo. Underbelly is the fictional account of the Melbourne gangland war that lasted from 1995 until 2004. Its the story of the rival crime families and the detectives that bring them down. The story is a hard as nails gritty crime drama that rivals anything you'd find on The Wire, or Wire In the Blood or any of those other kick you in the mouth till you cry like a baby for the pain to stop style shows. Series One tells the actual story of the gang war itself, and the second series is billed as a prequel where it sets up everything and you see the gangs involved rise to power, there is a third on the way, but i'm not really sure what thats gonna be about, i'd assume its gonna deal with the aftermath or something, but either way i can't wait to see! This would be the perfect time to check this show out if you haven't yet.

Name: Harper's Island
Country: USA
Genre: Thriller
Airing Status: 13 part mini-series, 6 aired to date.
You can find the Downloads: here

Just as everyone, to some degree loves a good crime drama, everyone loves a good mystery. Harper's Island is kind of like the boardgame Clue, for those that don't know what Clue is, its a murder mystery where you have to solve who did the murder by deduction and guessing, there was a movie made in the 1970s, but we'll just forget that ever happened. Anyway, Harper's Island is the story of a group of family and friends that travel to an island off the coast of Seattle Washington for a wedding, little do they know that 7 years before this island was the sight of a brutal unsolved killing spree. As the show progresses you discover that each episode atleast one member of the cast will die, until there is only a very few and the killer left, its abit like Agetha Christie's "Till there were none" in that respect. What makes the show great is that you have already seen the murderer, you just don't know who they are, and the wondering and speculation just runs rampant in your mind as you watch. I tend to get a group of friends together and we all go back and forth on who it is through the whole episode, normally whoever we think it is dies at the end of the episode, so this tells me two things, 1.) CBS is being very sly and taken alot of time with this "event", and 2.) my friends suck at solving mysteries when we don't have a 1966 Chevy Corvair Van and a talking Great Dane. Both things I've made my peace with... mostly. This show is a big thing for me, because I was made at its network CBS for a very long time after canceling the amazing series Jericho and passing on the brilliant Babylon Fields before it ever made it past pilot stage. Harper's Island has really got me buzzing as to its ending, I love these sort of events, they aren't done here on american television that often anymore, which is a shame. So if you have never seen something of this nature, or you just like mysteries, give this a shot, its great.

Well thats all for this round, I might do a third set, but I gotta really think of some good stuff, and also find some downloadables for some, afew I got in mind being so rare I had to buy the dvds to get them... so, till then... enjoy!

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Laz

First Look at ABC's Reboot of V

2009-05-19T15:46:00.000-05:00

So with all the flurry and fury over the four networks here in the states putting out there fall line ups this week, there is abit of a buzz around ABC's reboot of the classicly cheesy 1980s sci fi action soap V. Oh sure the plot was kind of thin back then, alien lizards come to earth wearing pretty people suits, they come to steal our water and enslave us all, you know, like all aliens want to do, but still, for retro through back cheese, V was awesome. And thats why I'm so excited about this reboot they're doing. Is it gonna last long? I don't know, it probably won't go more then the first run's episode and a half or so, but i'm ok with that, because in this era of rebooting, its good to see some good old fashion camp get back up in the saddle... anyway here are the clips...

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Laz

Television Shows You Should All Give A Watch Pt. 1

2009-05-19T15:14:00.000-05:00

I've always been a huge fan of television, given my job it sort of comes with the territory, but I don't know if anyone really understands the length I tend to go to for my work in terms of research, I tend to work as hard as I can to be the best at what i do, and as a critic, I tend to believe in the idea that if you don't pigeon hole yourself into certain genres, and more so, if you don't limit yourself to what you can find just on your television, then you can be a fair judge of programing and content, what I mean is, just about anyone can watch a tv show and say it stinks or is good, but if you spend your time, researching, watching, studying what everyone around the world is watching, why they're watching it, what trends are hot in what country, stuff like that, that makes you a great critic, that knowledge... with that said, I would like to share with you all afew television programs from around the world that I feel alot of you might enjoy, if you aren't enjoying them already...

Alright, ready? set? Lets go..

Name: Reaper
Country: USA
Genre: Dramatic Comedy
Airing Status: Currently Airing its second season.
You can find the Downloads: here (missing Eps. 1 and 2 for some reason)

Reaper is probably one of my favorite shows on television at this moment, its a playful, sometimes goofy, sometimes dark and twisted but always funny with just enough drama to keep the people that want alittle of that with their comedy happy. Its the story of Sam Oliver, unwitting retriever of souls that escape from hell. Sam's parents made a deal with the devil, and their end of the deal was, on Sam's 21st birthday, his soul would become property of the devil. On his 21st birthday the devil appears to Sam and explains to him that he will be a "bounty hunter for hell" or sorts, Sam refuses, and the devil explains to him he has no choice, Sam excepts this fact and with the help of his friends Ben and Sock, and eventually his girlfriend Andie, Sam goes about capturing which ever soul he's assigned to catch, as the show progresses you learn more about Sam's connection to the devil, about demons that live among the living, and the hole balance between heaven and hell. The real key to the show's success though, is definitely The Devil himself, played by the amazingly talented Ray Wise, a brilliant choice for the role, and he makes the devil the perfect mix of hilarity and pure evil. He alone is worth watching the show, though in truth the whole core and extended cast are brilliant as well. Plus with the almost certain cancellation at the end of this season, its one of those shows you should get on board with before its too late to find it anywhere.

Name: Dollhouse
Country: USA
Genre: sci fi action drama
Airing Status: finished airing its first season, returning in sept.
You can find the Downloads: here

Dollhouse is one of those shows that is a huge hit with its target demographic, but seems to be missing anyone outside of that, which really is a shame, the show is great. The concept is this; the show focuses around a place called The Dollhouse, a place inhabited by these people called "Dolls". What a doll is basically, whatever a human be. The people that run the dollhouse are paid for their service, a doll is selected, and then they are put in a machine where everything they will need for the job they were hired to do, they are set out to do the job and then brought back, the information, and the incident are then wiped from their mind, the dolls think they are sleep the entire time and are unaware of what they've done. Its really the ultimate idea for an action / drama hybrid. If you've not seen it yet, you should give it a look.

Name: Survivors
Country: UK
Genre: Sci Fi Drama
Airing Status: Finished Series One, Series Two starts in early winter
You can find the Downloads: here

Survivors, for me, is a favorite, I grew up watching reruns of the original 1970s series and I always loved it, but also, I'm a huge fan of its creator, the late great Terry Nation, the sci fi master who helped define Doctor Who and though literature and television helped mold modern science fiction into the brilliant tapestry that it is today. The concept of the show is as follows; a super virus that starts out exactly like the flu, starts in england, and with in the course of less then a week, decimates the entire planet, leaving somewhere in the area of about 99% of the planet dead, the remaaining percent were naturally immune to the virus, or in the case of lead character Abby Grant, she was sick, but her body built an immunity do it, leaving her the only known person to recover from the virus. The show follows Abby and her group of survivors as they do their best to build something out of whats left of the world, they encounter others who survived, some good, some bad, some who just wish to be left alone. Its an incredible series which doubles as a great social commentary on just how civilized we humans really are.

Name: Dead Set
Country: UK
Genre: Horror
Airing Status: Ended
You can find the Downloads: here

Every now and then, you need to shake things up abit, and what better ways to do that then to soak up some trash reality tv show or a zombie movie... or, even better then that, a reality game show that becomes a zombie movie! now THAT is the ticket. Dead Set is just that, a special event made for halloween 2008, this five part story of what happens when everyone in the united kingdom that isn't locked inside the Big Brother house slowly gets turned into zombies, and how those locked inside the house try to get themselves out. Oh sure, its really nothing more then a joke on the whole crowd that watches reality tv of that nature like its a religion, but still anyone thats ever watched anything big brother related will get a huge laugh out of the brit-host getting herself turned into a zombie and how she dies, I know i stood up and cheered. And I think thats the point of the mini-series, to have some scary fun at the expense of something that many people see as a plague on humanity. It still doesn't make me wanna watch Big Brother, but it does make me wanna laugh at them.

Name: Afterlife
Country: UK
Genre: Horror drama
Airing Status: Ended
You can find the Downloads: Here

Afterlife is to me, the greatest show I have ever seen, it tells the story of Allison Mundy, a lonely, emotionally and mentally traumatized woman who spends her life keeping to herself as much as possible and trying to not draw alot of attention to her secret, that she sees dead people. She would have continued her life this way until she meets Robert Bridge a professor and part time psychologist who works at a local university who teaches a class on how fake physics and mediums are, after a case where one of his student's dies, he starts to question his idea on those in her field after she states something to him that no one else could ever have known but him and his ex-wife. He decides to study her and eventually write a book about her, the series tells the story of their journey together, right to the ending that punches you in the stomach and continues to do so till you cry.

Name: Trailer Park Boys
Country: Canada
Genre: Comedy
Airing Status: Ended
You can find the Downloads: here (pick all 7 seasons and extras one at a time or together, your call)

Is it possible that the greatest comedy series of all time, is the ongoing story of a trailer park full of petty criminals trying to make a fast fortune by coming up with these seemingly hair brained schemes and spending their down time drunk, swearing and smoking way to much weed? Is it possible that the greatest comedy of all time is really that simple of a formula? I could argue that it is, because thats the general concept of Trailer Park Boys, a low budget filmed on location outside of Halifax Nova Scotia in what is now an abandoned trailer park, the show is shot "reality show style" where the cameras follow around everyone in the park like its some reality tv show, and tells you the story of Julian, Ricky and Bubbles, and sometimes their friends from around the park in their apparently never ending fight against the ever drunken Mr. Lahey and his shirtless companion Randy. Each season normally revolves around the main plot of some big scheme or another, and all the little snags that get in the way, and each season normally ends with atleast one member of the cast going to jail, and the following season picking up when they get out. It seems pretty simple enough, but what really sets the show apart is the characters, the entire cast right down to the secondaries and rare appearance people are just amazingly well thought out and well acted, infact its in there contracts that whenever they appear in public or are spotted, they have to be in character, to kind of make it feel like they really are the people they are playing. Its a brilliant show, just, if you have an issue with lots of drinking, drug use and ALOT of swearing, skip it, if not, give it a shot, you'll love it.

Name: Satisfaction
Country: Australia
Genre: Drama
Airing Status: Third Series starts late 2009/early 2010
You can find the Downloads: here and here

Satisfaction is for me, what I like to call Guilty Pleasure TV. Sure its the "down under cousin" to the UK's hit Secret Diary of a Call Girl, by cousin i mean they have the same kind of premise, not that the shows are connected. Satisfaction follows the story of an upscale brothel in Melbourne called 232 and the girls that work there and those who come in and out of their lives. Sure, one could go on about the nudity and sexual content of the show, but i figure every other person thats ever written about it does that, I figure I'll focus, as i always do, on characterization, the entire cast is well thought out, well written and seem comfortable in their roles, alot of times in shows of this nature, you see little hints of uncomfortable in the faces of the actors or actresses, and it always takes sway from the whole feel of the show for me, but not so much here, i like that. Sure, some could say its just trash tv thats no better then the dregs American and British night time dramas give you, but hey, name me one person that doesn't have afew guilty pleasure tv shows they watch.

Name: Fringe
Country: USA
Genre: Sci Fi Action Drama
Airing Status: Starts Second Season in September.
You can find the Downloads: here

This is one of those shows that when you look at it, at first it seems like some sort of X-File retread, but I assure you, its far from it. Based (and filmed on location in) Boston Massachusetts, Fringe tells the story of a group of FBI agents working on whats referred to as "cases of fringe science" meaning all the super science things we deem as "science fiction" by the general public, the show focuses on the team led by the beautiful yet always angry, Olivia Dunnum, which consists of herself, former con man Peter Bishop, Peter's father, the brilliant and completely insane Walter Bishop and Walter's "babysitter" Astrid. They work out of a lab in the basement of one of the older science buildings at Harvard University. The episodes range from things like Bank Robbers using sonics to walk though safe walls, to a form of LSD that causes hallucinations that kill you, and much more, they really do a good job trying to stay away from the normal sci fi subjects that shows of this nature seem plagued with. The real reason to watch the show though, is Walter Bishop, I have said this over and over again, the character is the greatest new character on television in recent years, and thats a very tall order to fill, that means beating out both Rose Tyler and Donna Noble or Doctor Who, Gwen Cooper of Torchwood, half the cast of Heroes, Allison Mundy of Afterlife, and countless others, Walter is the right mix of Doctor Frankenstein and that science teacher we all had who was insane but awesome because of it. Be it talking calmly about creating a time travel device so he could go back in time and ask a dead chemist a question but instead invented a teleporter by mistake, or stopping mid sentence to watch a unicorn run through his lab then continuing where he left off, or testing home made LSD on caterpillars for some unknown reason, Walter is a joy to watch, if you've not seen Fringe you seriously need to get on that.

And thats where I'm gonna end this part, I'll be back soon with more, just gotta dig up some images and some other stuff, damn netz... lol anyway, back with part two soon...

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Laz

Why I Love Meiko Kaji

2009-05-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

As most people know, and as the url for this blog probably gives away, I am a huge fan of the Grindhouse era of cinema, I always have been, there is just something that draws me to it, and the people who were seen as stars because of it, and like anyone I have my favorites, favorite films, favorite actors, favorite actresses, you know the normal. Its one of my favorite actresses that I'd like to speak about now though, because, well I can.

I would like to speak about a woman by the name of Meiko Kaji. A woman who though some could say she helped define the "pink film" era of Asian Cinema, she strived to be more then just a pretty face and a pretty body, she had many roles outside of the genre, and even has to this day a singing career and has held and is still working in television, with her returning to film if she feels the want to do so, she is also an author and the subject of afew books herself, and is seen by many as a cultural icon both in japan and asia, and to an extent, all over the world. She's in a sense, the asian Christina Lindberg (of whom I'll be writing of at a later date). Her films, also like Lindbergs, were a huge insperation for Quinton Tarentino's "Kill Bill" series, though the story itself mimiced Lindberg's "Thriller: A Cruel Picture" there were many aspects lefted from Kaji's work as well, most noteably "Lady Snowblood".

I first saw Meiko in what is called the Sasori series, a series which films include Female Convict 701: Scorpion, Female Prisoner Scorpion: Jailhouse 41, Female Prisoner Scorpion: Beast Stable, and Female Prisoner Scorpion: 701 Grudge Song, they tell the story of a woman named Nami "Matsu" Matsushima also known as her prison nickname "Sasori" (scorpion in english), it tells you the story of her wrongful conviction, her decent into insanity, violence and revenge, and eventually her road to freedom. Some could argue they are nothing but overly violent women in prison style exploitation films with nudity and atleast 2 graphic depictions of prison rape in the entire series of films, and the violent nature of them does kind of punch you in the face over and over again, but given the story, and how its ment to represent a woman who's gone completely insane and has adapted to her forced environment which is that of violence and death, so well that she has become the worst nightmare of those who have allowed the prisons to become that way. I've always said, Meiko in the long black coat and the large black hat which are trademark of the character of Matsu has to be one of the most beautiful images I've ever seen put on film, there is a scene in Grudge Song where she's wearing it while holding this custom long barrel dragonov sniper riffle where she just looks so beautiful and deadly at the same time... its just amazing.

Most will remember Meiko from her most popular movies here in the west, the Lady Snowblood series, which has the normal fodder for pink films of the asian market, murder, rape, prision, things like that, but tells the story of Yuki Kashima, who's mother was in prison for murdering a man that was part of a gang who murdered her family and raped her, her mother died during childbirth and her last words were to have her daughter taken somewhere and trained in the way of violence, so she could be able to take revenge on those who murdered her mother's family. At age 20, she does just this, both films in the series, Lady Snowblood and Lady Snowblood 2: Love Song Of Vengence are seen as some of the greatest movies in both the pink film and kung fu film genres, not many films hold this honor, and they are seen as only second and third to the movie Sex and Fury (another film I will speak of at a later date.). Meiko was also known here in the west for her Stray Cat Rock series, which are your basic asian school girl meets violence and such type movies, I'm not really a big fan of them personally, but they are early in Meiko's career and you can see the mastery she has over her films early in them.

What makes me love Meiko Kaji as I do is just the whole allure of her, her dark haunting eyes, the fact that she can be doing the most horrible and violent things but two second but still look beautiful while doing it, the japanese have a word for it that means "beautiful warrior" and the chinese have a word that means "alluring death" but I can't for the life of me remember how to spell either of them, but they both would be accurate adjectives for Mieko. She also allows you to see her soft side in each of her films, there are moments in each one, where though you see her gone completely insane and out for blood, she still shows the soft and playfully child like side of her, I love that about her. Its always been that depth, that wonderful command of all emotions and ability to switch to whatever she needs to be, thats made her such an icon to me. Yes, many could dismiss her as a woman that was put on screen because she's attractive and willing to do nudity and some darkly violent things, but, she's no different then women in most action movies today who are known for doing things of that nature, the only difference is, when Meiko did it, she did it in her own way, with her own style and her own grace, both of which, if you see her recent work, you will see is still there.

So if you haven't ever seen Meiko's work, or are curious of the inner workings of the asian take on grindhouse cinema, then take a look at her work, and see what you think.. Also, check out her music, her voice is just amazing. And hopefully in the end, you'll come to love Meiko as much as I do.

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Laz

Star Trek

2009-05-11T04:13:00.001-05:00

Star Trek:
My Anti-Wolverine

Its not often in the film industry when a remake, or "reboot" as the buzz term these days calls it, really works. And though I do enjoy long running movie series, that stick to an expand on the traditions and stories told as the series goes on, and though I am half and half on "reboot" as a way to make people come to see a movie series, I have to say, in the cast of Star Trek, which seemed like a completely uphill battle of a man with a dart gun verse a (J.J) Abrams Tank. Its a daunting task, trying to recreate something with 43 years of iconic fandom, where you have to always show respect to what came before you even if it seemed silly by modern standards, one that I wasn't exactly sure if director/visionary J.J Abrams could pull off, but I've known Abrams to pull off the impossible before, well, except getting me interested in watching Lost, but that aside, I must say, J.J pulled off the impossible again. Giving a new start to something as iconic and deep as Star Trek is the kind of task that no one really wanted, it was one of those things tht people always talked about, but never thought of doing, and though some scoff at the J.J Abrams for having to use the idea of time travel to pull it off, personally, I cheer and applaud him for it.

Abrams was able to show heavy influence of the original concept and feel, how the shuttles look, the phaser look, all of those classic things, even working in remixed versions of the classic trek music at times, while mixing in modern and ultra modern styling ideas and changes, like the new look of the enterprise itself, and the general feel of the film, you actually believed you were in the future, not the 1960s or early 1990s cosplaying the future, which, as any movie goer will tell you these days, is a very important thing when it comes to modern film making.

The film is brilliantly cast, which is another important key when rebooting something as iconic as Star Trek, you have to make sure that your casting is completely flawless, and Abrams once again, nailed it perfectly, there is just the right mix of unknown, recognizable faces, and big name talent, all of which show no fear or nervousness on camera knowing the shadows they're stepping into. Relatively unknown Chris Pine steps into the role of James T. Kirk perfectly, he fits the character's feel and persona perfectly well, and even shares his, fetish, for green skinned women, you get the feel by the end that you want to see more of his Kirk, he's done his research and amazingly pulled off the role, I would really love to see more of him in the inevitable movie series that follows, the biggest shock of all for me, was to see Zachary Quinto, better known as Gabriel Grey/Sylar, on the television series Heroes, as Spock. Now, of the three big roles in the film, Spock, as iconic as he is, is the hardest of them to play, you either do him justice or spit in the face of Leonard Nimoy with it, but, Zachary, i have to say, out did Nimoy, yes, I know this is insane to say, but he did, the look, the feel, the mannerisms, even tossing Sylar's evil eyebrow into the mix, he completely out spock'd the original Spock, or as the film credits call him, "Spock Prime" do to the time travel aspect of the film itself. Moderately unknown Karl Urban plays the great Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, who he plays to the point I almost forgot anyone else played the role, no disrepect ment to the late great Deforest Kelly, who was one of my favorites, but for some reason, Karl gets the character alot better, he gets every bit of Bones perfectly, right down to his banter with Spock and even spouts out his "Damnit Jim I'm a Doctor not a (place thing here)" line that seemed to be his catchphrase in the original series, he even explains where he got the nickname of Bones from, which is a nice touch. John Cho, of Harold and Kumar "fame" (I use that word loosely), plays Hikaru Sulu, playing the role with more depth and a nice mix of serious and funny that has never really been seen in the role before, the same with Anton Yelchin as Pavel Chekov, who I found the reinvigoration of him as a 17 year old whizkid with speech issues amazingly good, though admittedly, with both roles, the characters before them weren't really all the in depth, so they were kind of clean slates, rounding out core cast is the brilliant Simon Pegg as Montgomery Scott, who is shown as more of the joker in this, and a sort of mad warp engine scientist of sorts, I just wish he was in more of the film, and finally, Zoe Saldana fills out the core cast as Nyota Uhura, who is a master of subspace channels and the best language translator there is, she is also there to wear knee boots and apparently be in love with Spock, instead of Kirk as she was first time around.

With out giving away to much of the story, it starts out with the death of Kirk's father, giving his life to save his pregnant wife who is in labor with James and 798 other people onboard a star ship, thats fallen pray to a ship that appears out of nowhere and uses its apparently super futuristic tech and weapons to decimate the ship, Kirk's father gets everyone off and when he notices the auto pilot is not fuctioning, realizes the only way to save all of those loves, including his wife and born on an escape shuttle son, is to use himself and the ship as a ram, in his last few minutes he names his newborn son James, after his wife's father, joking that his father's name, Tiberius, is a name he wouldn't wish on anyone, not long before the impact.

From here you split between seeing the life of James T. Kirk as he grows up on earth rebellious and wild, and the story of Spock growing up on Vulcan, where they look down on him for being half human. For less confusion's sake I'll break this part down per character to make it easy to follow in text, though in film form it jumps between the two..

You follow Kirk's life for the next two segments of the film, first you see him at age 10 as he leads a cop on a high speed chase that ends with the wreaking of his step father's late 1960s Stingray body style Corvette that plummets over a cliff, and then next you find him 15 years after that, when he's a cocky small town bad boy who is smooth with the ladies and big on the trash talking, he picks a fight with some Starfleet cadets who don't much like the idea of him talking to a young cadet named Uhura, who happens to catch his eye. The ensuing brawl is broken up by one the cadets' superior officer, one Christopher Pike, who after explaining that James' father was sort of a hero to him, tries to enlist James in Starfleet, which James declines, until Pike says with his pedigree, and if he's half the man his father was, he could be an officer in four years and have his own ship in eight years, James sleeps on the idea, shows up the next morning and tells Pike he can make officer in three years and gets in the ship thats going to take the new recruits to the academy. From here the film shows how Kirk encounters every other member of the main cast.

You follow Spock on Vulcan growing up a misfit, there is a hilarious scene at the start that shows just how lame bullies are on Vulcan, young spock is shown standing by himself, then up walk three taller, probably older vulcan boys, Spock says to them "have you thought up new insults and wish to use them on me to attempt and gain an emotional response?" the leader of the three says "Yes, that is correct", young Spock just looks at him says they're attempted to get an emotional response out of him over 130 (I think) times and failed, and suggests they stop. The lead bully then calls Spock's mother a "human whore" and pushes him, Spock has had enough and the lil'vulcan knocks the biggest bully down and starts to beat him senseless. I'm puzzled that a culture that claims to be about logic and prides itself on being devoid of all emotion, has bullies, a social archetype that requires emotions in both the bully and in the one they decide to pray upon, this by all accounts shouldn't be, but I don't mind it, given the hilarious nature of most of the scene. You next see Spock talking to his mother, played surprisingly by Winona Ryder, who does a great job. The two talk about destiny and that Spock should do what he feels is right, not what is logical all the time, and that he can choose his own path, not logic. You then see Spock as he stands before the vulcan high council, which his father Sarek, played perfectly by Ben Cross, a cult actor of sorts who I get a kick out of everytime I see him, the head of the council asks Spock why he's applied to enroll in both the Vulcan Science Institute and Starfleet, Spock says "it only seems logical to apply for both..", the head of the council says he's been excepted to the Institute, and that they were amazed by his test scores given his "disability", when Spock asks what this means, they say "You being half human ofcourse.." this angers makes Spock decide instead to go to Starfleet, the head of the council yells and says no vulcan has ever turned down a placement in the Institute, Spock says "But, I am half human, there for your record of no vulcan turning down placement remains intact.." he then coldly looks at them and says "Live long and prosper..." using it as an insult. You next see him near the end of the first act of the film where you see that he's become an instructor at the Starfleet institute, he meets James Kirk when Kirk finds a way to beat his impassable simulation test, The Kobe AshiMaru, a test designed to test mental faculties in a very high stress battle scenario.

With out going into what happens after the first act, which is all set up and fanwank for act two, where the story really starts, I will say this, the film is brilliantly shot and designed, there is so much care taken into how the film was made, all the scenery, all the clothing, all the props, all of it, it really looks like you are on either future earth or on the original enterprise, right down to the hallways and chair set up, its just mindblowingly well done, Abrams set up to make a star trek made by a star trek fan, that was faithful to the original, yet allowing room for it to breath and become its own identity entirely separate, which I really think was a great move personally, a new reality allows for new things to come, or re-envisioning of classic stories. I had so very little really wrong with this film that its almost had to even think of anything of any real note to actually mention about the film itself, though i do wonder how Winona Ryder become a non-billed in the promo material secondary character, my only real comment would be I guess her star is burning out, but thats not really about the film, so it doesn't really count s a negative. I hear the next movie will be about Klingons, or maybe they'll go for the gusto and do a new Khan. Who knows? But I know this, either way, I'll definitely be in the theaters to see it. And so should all of you,. Just if you do go to see the film, don't go to the Hookset New Hampshire IMAX to see it, the guy that takes your ticket makes really lame jokes about Star Trek related things the whole time you're waiting for them to clean the theater so you can go get in and sit down. But if you aren't going there, totally get yourself to see it.

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Laz

Because Rockie Made Me Do It...

2009-05-08T01:29:00.001-05:00

this is some seriously funny shit

The Best Xmen Movie Related Post Ever

2009-04-28T13:31:00.002-05:00

I got this from BadandUgly.com who's opinions on alot of movie things i tend to share, and though i felt that my write up on Wolverine and the horror that it was, and my disdain for the third X-men movie was pretty clear, I think maybe this could express my feelings on FOX Studios just abit more.. so here we go...

Originally Posted on thebadandugly.com...

Can I take a moment here to talk about Fox and Wolverine…you know, again?

First, I want to tell you the story of The Fantastic Four movie you’ve probably never seen. It involves B-movie extraordinaire Roger Corman, the guy behind Death Race 2000 and Piranha, two films being remade for modern audiences. He was also behind Little Shop Of Horrors (the original one that will be seeing a remake), which he claimed to have shot in two days and one night, and a number of Edgar Allan Poe adaptations while partnering with writer Richard Matheson.

In 1992, producer Bernd Eichinger at Constantin Film, a company known for making Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns in its time, was having quite the dilemma. Constantin had optioned the rights to a Fantastic Four movie from Marvel, and unless the flick was underway by December 1992, the rights would default and go up for grabs (much like what happened recently with Sin City 2 and The Weinstein Company). Eichinger knew that a Fantastic four movie with that many special effects would probably cost a good $40 million in 90’s-dollars and knew that he couldn’t pony it up to make the film.

Somehow, Eichinger contacted Corman and the two settled on making an ashcan copy, but with a special twist. Something dubbed an “ashcan copy” is material produced purely for legal reasons. It’s a term that developed during the age of Golden Age Comics. So, you do something quick to maintain an option, or to have something produced for copyright. The intention is that these ashcans only circulate internally. But, since Corman was told to make a Fantastic Four film on absolutely no budget,

Corman had his film written and cast by people who were not told that the Fantastic Four movie they were making was not intended for release. Some actors and crew members worked for less because they were told that if the film didn’t get released, it would be used as a backdoor pilot for a TV series. It’s not mentioned in any documentation I can find, but some of them had to be Marvel geeks psyched to work on a film adaptation like this.

Principal photography ended January 1993, and the cast was sent out to conventions and to do interviews as the studio announced a 1994 premiere at the Mall of America. Needless to say, because chances are you haven’t seen this film, the flick was pulled. It was never intended to be released, it was just a slick way to maintain the rights and get the actors and crew to work for less. The reality of the “backdoor pilot” suggestion was never known. The film disappeared into Comic Cons as unlabled VHS tapes and the Roger Corman Fantastic Four was never seen.

In 2005, 10-years later, Constantin Film and Bernd Eichinger brought Tim Story’s Fantastic Four to cinemas, followed by Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfur and a proposed re-boot of the franchise, even though the sad memories of watching Rise with my head in my hands are still fresh. The company behind these crap-fests? 20th Century Fox.

Now think about what Marvel Studios is trying to do with the properties they managed to keep: Iron Man, Nick Fury, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, Thor, Black Widow and S.H.I.E.L.D. Marvel is going to attempt to build an inter-connected “Marvel Universe” on screen and it’s an exciting prospect. However, Marvel also managed to sell off the two most profitable properties, cinematically: Sony got Spider-Man and Fox got X-Men.

Giving up Spider-Man is sad because he’s a flagship character, but the X-Men property has so many characters and such a rich back-history that Fox has treated with disrespect since X2: X-Men United ended on a Dark Phoenix cliffhanger…

Rules For A Fox X-Men Film Thus Far:

1. The title must have “X-Men” in it because people like sequels. X2 is snappy, but X2: X-men United? That’s profit. People don’t understand prequels, nor do they have to in this reboot age, so we can’t just call it Wolverine, it has to be X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

2. Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart have to show up. Women love Hugh Jackman, geeks love Patrick Stewart. Women in tight superhero costumes look the same, so screw it.

3. People are ignorant, hate mutants. Easy social commentary. Sub in “black,” “retarded,” “atheist.”

4. Someone falls in love, but it can never be, except when the climax happens, then love saves them, sorta. Bonus points if this is Wolverine’s storyline, which it always has been.

Pile on top of this the Wolverine Leak and Fox’s knee-jerk response to include “multiple secret endings” that have no bearing on the story of the film whatsoever. Not to mention that the end of X-Men Origins: Wolverine has a nod towards the upcoming X-Men: First Class.

Add to that recent news: “Shwartz wrote the prequel while Wolverine was in production, and that the screenwriter was asked to do a rewrite during the film’s post production. The rewrite would reflect some of the changes that were made on set and in reshoots, so that the timing “matches with First Class.”

Explain to me how Fox isn’t doing this to ape Marvel’s unified strategy? Espeically if one of the Wolverine endings brings Deadpool’s character to a place where Ryan Reynolds can start a franchise (SPOILERS).

Or how about this hypothesis: Wolverine could have been an ashcan flick if they didn’t spend so much damn money doing it.

Here’s the overall problem I have with Fox and the X-Men property: they made Hugh Jackman and we have them to thank, in part, for bringing about this, the age of superhero cinema. But it appears as if NONE of the decisions made after Bryan Singer left the property have been motivated by anything other than maintaining the rights to a franchise that has the ability to juice money out of fan boys for years to come.

I’m gonna see Magneto and First Class when they come out. I’m no different. But, having seen Wolverine, I couldn’t help but get the feeling that a story about sibling rivalry between mutants might have been better served if those two mutants had more than one dramatic scene that didn’t involve Victor Creed growling and prancing around like a lion on stunt-wires.

I understand that people like to see things blow up, and in a comic-book world where a portion of people have the power to do whatever SFX trick is popular that year, the X-franchise must be really tempting. Why have any character work at all?

But, as far as my opinion goes, X-Men: Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine (both film sets rife with rumors that Fox was infringing on the director’s control) might as well have been ashcan movies, because Fox is just keeping this property until they let someone with real Singer-esque-pre-Superman’s-kid talent comes through and wants a shot at one of the REAL X-Men stories.

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Now with that said back to me, I happen to own a copy of the 1990s Fantastic Four movie of which he speaks, and yes, its, not a good film, its infact one of those so bad its awesome movies, infact there is one scene where Doctor Doom is running, he stops, turns around and does this sort of Jazzhands pose that still makes me laugh today, and I've always said that The Thing looks more like the comics in that version then in the big budget ones, and the casting was pretty much better, even though in the big budget ones, i do love fellow Lowell Mass. boy Micheal Chiklas as The Thing, he's got the voice and personality down, anyway, it is a far better film, plus, come on, its Roger Corman, how can you not love Roger Corman's work?

As for the X-Movies, again, they're right, FOX is simply keeping them just to stick tit to marvel, just like Sony is, see, its like i've been saying, there is a certain way you need to do a superhero movie, it can't follow the same formula plot that every other hacked together film does, it needs to be both innovative, and also respectful, in a sense creating new, while showing love to the old, and if done right, people will forgive the... transgressions... that don't pay off, like how in Spiderman back in 2000, no one really cared that the Gwen Stacy death scene was done with Mary Jane Watson instead, and had a completely different and unrealistic outcome, its not that no one cared about the scene, it was that the film was so good that we allowed for change. X-Men: The Last Stand and Wolverine, didn't earn the right to change things, like previous marvel films had, they were just bombs. Hopefully someday FOX will see that.

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Laz

My Top 30 Movies Of All Time Part 3 of 3

2009-04-20T14:29:00.002-05:00

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Number 10: Grave Of The Fireflies

Remember what I was saying earlier about how its rare to find a movie that mixes the whole impact of war and innocence of children thing? Well this film doesn't really show the impact during war, this movie focuses on the aftermath of war, as told through the eyes of children. Infact, this one is conciderd by many to be one of the top two anti-war films ever, second only to Schindler's List. Grave Of The Fireflies tells the story of two children, a teenage boy and his younger sister who are left alone after their mother dies in the firebombing of Kobe Japan, their father is away on a ship in the japanese navy and is unable to care for them, and isn't even aware of the horrors that have happened at home. The film shows how the two children go through the city trying to find a new home and food and general survival. Its a tragic story that touches every emotional part of the human condition, and I've honestly not met a person yet that can get to the end of the film and not be effected in some way.

Number 9: Harold and Maude

Suicide is painless as a certain song says, but what they don't mention is, at times, suicide can be funny. Take the case of Harold Chasen, a young man who has an unusual problem. He wants to die, no matter what his family tries, he continues to try and end his own life. He's obsessed with death in general, he drives a hearse and is constantly talking about death and dying. He attends the funeral of a person he's never met before, and thats where he meets Maude. Maude is alot older, infact she'sa survivor of the holocaust, and the movie tells the story of how she changes his life, its probably the best dark comedy ever made, and true to its form it has elements of drama, and it has its hilarious moments, plus, a hearse made out of an old jag xke.. how can you not love that?

Number 8: Killer of Sheep

This is probably the greatest movie you've never seen, its a rare 1977 collection of shorts centered around life in 1977 Watts, a ghetto in Los Angeles involving a man named Stan, who works at a slaughterhouse, the movie just follows around Stan and his friends, kind of showing just your average few days in the ghetto, its a perfect snapshot of ghetto life in the late 1970s. What makes it so interesting too is, really the only professional actor in the film is the man who plays Stan himself, everyone else is either related to or a friend of the director or a member of the staff, and some aren't even that, and are just people that lived in the area at the time. Its amazing how its gone almost completely unnoticed and unseen in most places for its entire life. Which really is a shame. If you can find a copy of it, i totally recommend it.

Number 7: The Birds

Remember how I was talking about Jaws earlier? And how that movie made people afraid of the water and stuff? Well this movie made people jump every time they heard a bird call. Plus, I also wanted atleast one Hitchcock movie on here, and with Psycho and Rear Window being so overdone these days, I figured i would go with The Birds. Most people know the story, one day, the birds of the world decide they're pissed and take out out on the human race, horror ensues, bad stuff happens, and all that. See, what makes this special for me too is, this was the first Hitchcock movie I had ever seen, I remember watching this when I was about 5 years old on a saturday afternoon with my grandfather Luke, who really was the one that got me into movies in the first place, my grandmother telling him not to let me watch stuff like that, and him telling her that it was good for me to see fine film making, because it would make me know early in life whats good and whats not. And well, he was right. So for my grandfather Luke, that is why this is here. I know he's where ever we go when we die watching me write this and is smiling, cuz i've made him proud.

Number 6: The Mighty

This is another of those dead on arrival masterworks like Powder was, though not for the same reason. See, at the time this movie was released one of its stars, Sharon Stone, was still riding the wave from her two sexplotation movies "Sliver" and "Basic Instinct", both huge box office draws that put Sharon into the sexpot category, with comparisons to the likes of Jane Mansfield and Marilyn Monroe, so instead of marketing the film with anyone else who's in it's names, like Meat Loaf or at the time rising star of the X-Files Gillian Anderson, or even the two boys who are the movie's real stars, they felt the need to market it just on her, with no real telling of the story, or mention of the book its based on, none of it. Because of this, The Mighty never really got the spotlight it deserved. The Mighty is the story of two young boys who become friends simply because they live next door, one of the boys, Kevin, suffers from a rare illness called Morquio's syndrome, which leaves him unable to walk with out races and often ill, he is called "freak" by many of the children who know him though he doesn't let it bother him, he tends to not even mention his disability, instead he lets his imagination guide him through life, he believes himself a knight of valor and courage, the other boy is Max, a larger heavy set boy who has a very strong case of dyslexia, though everyone believes him to be stupid, he lives with his grandparents because his father is in prison and his mother is dead, Max is in a sense the squire to Kevin's knight, aiding him in his adventures and generally learning from him. On Christmas Day, Kevin gives Max an empty notebook and when asked what he should do with it, Kevin says to him "Write", Kevin dies that night from his illness, Max withdraws in mourning for his friend and then one day starts to write in the book, he writes of their adventures in Kevin's imagination, and how it changed him, the books final words are the movies final narration So now you have heard the story of Freak the Mighty, who slayed dragons, saved maidens and walked high above the world.". This movie, touches me so deeply, that I have spent 11 years looking for a copy of it, to no avail given its rarity, and I will continue to hunt for it until i find it, for it is just so amazing.

Number 5: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

I know this choice might be abit daft to many of you, but hear me out, I wanted to make sure that cult cinema was represented, and what better way to do that, then by the epitome of cult cinema? Now I know alot of people will look at me strange for this, and thats fine, but think about it, this movie, which alot of people might argue isn't that good, has survived at the forefront for 34 years, it is a constant sale in the dvd and cd market still, and every year on Halloween, somewhere in america, and other countries now too, you can find a theater doing a midnight showing where its acted out on stage infront of the screen and you do all the interactive things they tell you to bring with you to the show. Sure its a bad movie, sure its really just a screenwriter's inner struggle with his closeted homosexuality played out on screen in the form of a young couple who get lost one night and happen upon the strangest Halloween party ever, and it changes them forever, but no one cares, because its great fun. No other movie has been able to reach the iconic levels of cult cinema that Rocky Horror has, not its sequel Shock Treatment, hell not even Star Wars or the Star Trek and Lord of the Rings movies have been able to touch it, so sure, maybe some might not see this as one of the best movies of all time, but when you look at the stats, I do, and well its my list so, deal.

Number 4: West Side Story

This is another of those timeless stories that still holds impact, West Side Story at 48 years old is still a major influence to many, oh sure musicals aren't really culturally relevant anymore, and they've all kind of faded to the wayside, atleast the good ones, i refuse to acknowledge those horrible "high school musicial" style ones where they're just singing pop songs instead of ones written for the film and have an actual importance. You can't find a person alive today thats either not seen or heard of atleast one scene from this film, sure, most people remember the hilarious "Everything's Free In America" from the rooftop dance scene or "Keep Cooly Cool Boy" from the build up to the big rumble scene, and ofcourse the beautiful "Maria", but when you think about it, when you sit down and you really watch this film, its truly a work of art, sure its just a 1950s style retelling of Romeo and Juliet, but thats ok, no one is bothered by that, they're more dazzled by the singing and the sets and the fact that 1950s street gangs had this uncanny mastery of traditional and modern dance. Its just such a great film, and such a great way to spend an afternoon really.

Number 3: A Clockwork Orange

I had a hard time deciding between this film and the 1972 version of Last House On The Left to be honest, but in the end, as it tends to do with me, A Clockwork Orange won out. I don't really know why, its a barrage of sex, drugs, cockney rhyming slang, classical music and just enough of the ultra violence to make you slightly worried you someday might die by being beaten to death with a large penis statue. I don't know if its because I, like all of us, are ment to see a part of ourselves in main character Alex DeLarge, not so much the talking in a mix of rhyming slang and russian, or later having a massive fear of Beethoven's music, but the whole completely uninhibited and living outside of the rules of society, well until those rules come down crashing around him and he ends up in jail, its painful to watch the prison scenes, where you see Alex trying to retain his personality and knowledge of self, but is constantly forced to do otherwise, this is what leads him to the experiment which he partakes in as a way of getting a shorter sentence, atleast in my belief. I love how the film leaves you wondering if Alex really was cured, or if in his mind he just replaced one predeterminate desire with another.

Number 2: 2001: A Space Odyssey

What I have always loved about 2001 is that its a film you either love, hate, or just don't get. Oh sure, its alot of stuff floating around in space to classical music, but what you need to understand as a key part of understanding this film, the entire movie is a metaphor for the human race. The apes represent our early years as a creature, where we learned to think and build, and protect and hunt, and how we learned to fight for territory just like any other creature on the planet, the next part is ment to represent our reaching the stars and creation of computers and how advanced they become, and how if we aren't careful, that technical advancement will be our downfall, and the rest of the film is ment to represent thousands of years in the future when we've left the confines of earth and her moon far behind and are out exploding the infinite beyond, discovering new things and new creatures and all of that. It took me about 12 times through to fully get the film personally, so if it doesn't make sense to you don't feel bad,I sometimes wonder if Kubrick intended the film to be that way.

And finally my number one movie of all time...

Number 1: Seven Samurai

This is it, the number one film of all time according to me, and what a film it is, this is so powerful and so influential, and just a beauty to see. Sure, call me a Kurosawa fanboy if you want, I don't really care, I just love this film, I will sit here and watch it over and over and over and never tire of it. Plus, you can't deny the importance of a film that has been remade over 30 times in every language there is, most notedly america's wild west epic "The Magnificent Seven", one of the few western's I can personally sit through, as well as the anime series Samurai 7. You can not deny this film its rights when you look at the legacy it leaves behind, no doubt in my mind. The film itself is a great story as well, the tail of an older samurai who is asked to defend a poor Japanese village from bandits, he agrees to do so and goes about gathering 6 samurai to aid him in defending the village, each with their own special talent which will be needed, the film follows their story as they prepare for battle as well as showing the villagers that not all samurai in japan are corrupt and only out for money now, some still fight for the honor of their country and themselves, it follows them to the very end of the battle with the bandits, and in the end, leaves you wondering just why these men did what they did for these people. Such a masterpeace, and so important to me, and to the world of film, if you haven't ever seen this, I urge you, please, please find a copy of it and watch it, you will not be sorry.

Well thats my list of the top 30 films of all time, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it, I have afew runners up, but I think i'll just keep those to myself for now... after all, a true film lover's list of the greatest of all time is constantly changing. :)

Also, sorry about the list being three top ten lists you gotta read in reverse order, i really couldn't think of a way of doing them all at once, which kinda sucks, ah well, hope you enjoyed it

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Laz

My Top 30 Movies Of All Time Part 2 of 3

2009-04-20T14:28:00.001-05:00

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Number 20: Häxan

Some debate if this Denmark/Sweden made documentary was the first non-short attempt at horror, given that alot of the re-enacted scenes are on so graphicly violent that it would seem harsh even by today's standards. It does however have the honor of being the first film to be heavily censored, though shown in its untouched glory in both Sweden and Denmark, most counties edited the film do to graphic depictions of violence, sex and "unholy acts", and infact it was the first film to be banned in the United States. Infact the complete unedited version of the film was never seen outside of Sweden and Denmark until the recorded dvd release in 2001, 79 years after it was originally created. The film's english translation is "The Witches" or sometimes called "Witchcraft Through The Ages" and tells of how cultural and medical misunderstandings of both sickness and mental illness and false information and the paranoia that comes with miseducation or lack of on these matters can spread into witch hunts, much like those which swept Europe and most notatedly Salem Massachusetts in America in the 1600s. The film re-enacts alot of what it talks about, showing the real and the false depictions of what witches really do, setting both both sides of the argument out on the table for the viewer to choose which they believe, as a good documentary should, sure alot of its information is outdated now and deemed misinformation or propaganda believed to be truth do to saturation, which isn't uncommon in pre-World War 2 Europe when the church pretty much dictated things, but still, with all of that, there is sort of this eerie but beautiful feel to the film. I love that about it.

Number 19: Rashomon

Rashomon is the first of two films by the great Akira Kurosawa on my list, and though its kind of film school basics to admit the greatness of Kurosawa and how he's influenced everything from Star Wars to the Westerns that were so prevalent in american culture in the 1950s and 1960s, most people dismiss Rashomon as one of his greatest works, but I guess thats alright, I mean how can you seriously pick a masterpiece among masterpieces? Thats like putting two gold bricks together and saying to pick which one is more gold. Rashomon tells the story of the murder of a samurai and the rape of his wife, told through four different perspectives, The Man accused or raping the samurai's wife, the samurai's wife, the woodsman that found the Samurai's body, and through a medium, The Samurai himself. It might seem like a classic film nior style film, and in its own way it basically is, just asian'ed up, time displaced and abit of sci fi added. But there is just something about it, i love the way its shot and how its written and acted, Kurosawa was a genius thats of no dispute, and it is such a joy to watch his visions come to life, its almost religious in a way for me.

Number 18: Vanishing Point

If you haven't realized this by now, I do have a special love for the Grindhouse era of movies, and if you hadn't, well you know now. One of the best of those types of films is Vanishing Point, a film that is so iconic that to this day, its ending is still debated and theorized on, it was just the perfect blend of late 1960s American art house counterculture and the underlying need to be free and to rise above all that can go wrong in life. Vanishing Point actually starts 2 minutes before the end of the film, and then goes backwards telling the story of a man named Kowalski, who literally has lost everything in his life, but he's not given up. He works as a car delivery man, the movie tells the story of how he's paid to transport a white 1970 Dodge Challanger that has been modified into a street legal race car, he has to transport it from Denver Colorado, to San Fransisco California in three days, but he makes a bet along the way that he can get it there by a certain time the next day. This bet, is how Kowalski gets on the radar of the police, who chase him through the entire film, as he tries to get to San Fransisco before the deadline of his bet. As the film goes on, you see Kowalski flash back and you find out how he's lost everything, and ended up where he is now, and how all of whom he meets he leaves impression on, all the way to the point where the movie begins, and then leaves you sitting in your set wondering what the hell has just happened. Its truly a work of art, that gives you an almost perfect snapshot of 1971 American counterculture and how it spread across the country. If you go looking, don't get the 90s remake, its complete crap.

Number 17: No Country For Old Men

Every now and then in modern hollywood, you will come across a movie that literally hits you upside the head with just how good modern storytelling can be, its kind of like looking for gold in a river of mud, but you do find some every now and then. No Country For Old Men was one of those movies. Its dark and gritty and it stands true to what its tag line says, there are no clean getaways. From the story it tells of a deadly game of hide and seek that is played out in a boarder town on the Texas/Mexico line, where a Vietnam veteran who happens across a drug deal gone bad, finding all those involved dead and the drugs and money still there, he takes the money and some of the guns, and heads off, feeling uneasy about it hours later he returns to investigate, he finds the drugs and the bodies gone and discovers some people there looking at the area, he avoids them but they get his truck's plate numbers, this leads him into the path of possibly the greatest movie villain sense Hannibal Lector, a hitman by the name of Anton Chugar (said "sugar"), who is also being tracked by a sheriff who knows both of them. The movie is brilliant in the fact that at no time, are the three main characters ever on the screen at the same time, nor do they ever actually meet face to face, making you wonder just who is really hunting who. The ending is one of those hit you in the jaw kind of endings, where you find out that sometimes, things just end, no happy ending, no sad ending, none of that, just an ending. Plus Javier Bardem is just friggin amazing.

Number 16: Lord of The Flies

Lord of the flies is an amazingly complex movie for something that was made so simplistically, most of the film's dialog was improvised on the spot, with all the stars having never read the book, given that it wasn't really age appropriate for them, they were given an explanation of the scene, and then let loose, thats pretty amazing for movie that stars a bunch of kids. For those that don't know, the story of Lord of The Flies is the tale of the power struggle tht goes on among a group of boys who survived a plane crash on a remote island in the pacific ocean. It tells how they are almost constantly fighting for control and are all leery of each other, it teaches us that no matter what, we will always give into our darker urges and ideas. Its scary in just real it all seems, its truly a beautiful bit of work.

Number 15: The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

there are alot of movies that tell you about the horrors of war, and the innocence of children, but not many have ever really told you about the horrors of war through the eyes of innocent children. The film tells the story of two young boys, who become the best of friends, even though there is a fence between them. That fence was the razorwire, see, one of the boys is the son of a high ranking Nazi who runs a concentration camp, and the other is a jewish boy who's imprisoned inside. You find that the boys don't really understand the world around them, even though it is surrounding them, all they know is the childish innocence that we all wish we could continue to have as we get older. Its a beautiful film that makes me cry when I watch it.

Number 14: David and Lisa

Alot of the time, the best movies tend to be ones that get overshadowed or forgotten by about 98% of the world, such is the case with 1962's David and Lisa, an unconventional love story about two very unconventional people, by unconventional i mean they're both mentally ill, I always love when i find a movie from so long ago that actually deals with mental illness right, its so rare, but its also very refreshing, plus you find yourself starting to love the cast, because they're just so great in their roles. Here is the basic plot, David Clemens is brought to a residential treatment center by his apparently caring mother. He becomes very upset when one of the inmates brushes his hand, as he believes touches can kill him. Cold and distant, he mainly concentrates on his studies, especially that of clocks, which he appears to be obsessed with. We later learn that he has a recurring dream in which he murders people by means of a giant clock. He meets Lisa Brandt, a girl who has two personalities: one of them, Lisa, can only speak in rhymes, while the other, Muriel, cannot speak, but only write. David befriends her by talking to her in rhymes. Following an argument with his mother when she comes to visit him, his parents decide he should leave the place. After staying at their house for a short time, David runs away and goes back to the residential treatment center, where he is allowed to stay. He has a small argument with Lisa, and she takes the train to the city, unnoticed by anyone, David braves his illness and goes out to find her on his own, knowing exactly where she would be, and the ending is a happy one. So beautifully done and acted, I just love this film to death.

Number 13: Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion

I know afew people might be abit confused as to why I picked a Japanese woman in prison movie as one of my greatest of all time, but its simple, I find this to be the greatest of that entire genre, as well as the fact I wanted to have the great Mieko Kaji on here somewhere, mostly because I love her ever so much. So yeah, call me whatever you like for having a selfish moment.. hehe. Anyway, for those of you that haven't ever seen the film or the other three films in the series, Meiko plays a woman named Nami who was set up for a crime by the man she loves, who just happens to be a detective in the local police force, he did it to gain a spot in the Yakuza, the Japanese mafia. The story is how Nami fights her way to freedom out of a corrupt prison full of violent women and sadistic and lecherous guards, to finally take revenge on her former lover and those who made him put her away. To some it might not seem that special of a movie, but for me, it just is, plus, the image of Mieko in the long coat and hat at the end of the film is one of the more iconic images in asian cinema, so thats an added plus.

Number 12: Jaws

Now personally, I liked Orca alot better, but as far as importance and impact, you don't get much better then the movie that made an entire world scared to go in the water for upwards of over a year. This about that for just a moment, an entire world in the middle of a sweltering 1975 summer were literally scared to go in the water, all because of a movie, some are still scared because of it. Can you grasp the level of impact that is? We all know the story, Jaws is a great white shark who runs ruckshot over the beaches of Amity Island, a small summer resort town in the middle of its busiest time of the year, its up to the local sheriff, his deputy and a marine biologist to put a stop to the shark's rampage. Its just so iconic, and is seen as the first "summer blockbuster" movie in history, given how it just printed money in its time. There is just so much right with the film, how you hardly ever see Jaws, thus proving the concept that what you can't see is more scary then what you can, and plus, how can think of this film with out saying "we need a bigger boat" atleast once?

Number 11: Powder

Now, before I get into this, I need to state something, for me personally, what an actor or director does in their personal life, no matter how bad it is, doesn't effect their art for me. See, alot of people dismiss Powder for the masterpiece it is because its director went to jail for molesting a 12 year old boy on the set of an earlier movie. A masterpiece is a masterpiece, its like how people buy art made by serial killers and hang it in galleries, art is art, it doesn't matter who made it, with that said, again, I state Powder was given a death sentence by most over this fact, and thats just not fair, its a beautiful film and I refuse to let it fall to the wayside like most (Robert Ebert you fat pug faced jerk thats for you). What Powder is about, is how we, as a people, do not really understand or feel comfortable with those that are truly different. We like to believe that we're evolved and understand our surroundings, but really we don't. we convince ourselves we do just because we feel we need too. The film begins with the discovery of Jeremy Reed, later called "Powder", living in the basement of his grandparent's home, his grandfather is dead on the floor upstairs, you later find out Jeremy was trying to save him but couldn't. Jeremy is, well, different, he is an albino who has a beyond measurable IQ and is completely hairless and has this strange reaction to electrical equipment whenever he is near it. He claims he wants to just be left alone in his home, but given the fact he's 16 he's not allowed too do so, he forms a relationship with both the local sheriff and a state social worker who both are amazed at him, the film follows how Jeremy learns to interact with those around him, the other boys at the home where he's placed who mistreat him because he's different then them and that scares them, with a local girl named Lindsey whom he opens up too the most and its implied the two of them fall in love, even though her father demands she no longer see him, through all of this, and the testing done on Jeremy, all he wants is to be left alone and just left in peace, and ofcourse given human nature no one will let him do that. Its kind of based on the theory that if we were to be given actual proof of life on other worlds, or even proof of angels and demons, we would attempt to destroy it while trying to prove with science what we see with our eyes. Most people remember the scene simply called "the hunting scene" or "the deer scene", if you youtube it, its a scene where Jeremy grabs the deputy who's just shot a deer, and while holding the deer's neck and the Deputy's arm, forces him to feel all the pain and things the deer is feeling as it dies. Such a beautiful film that doesn't deserve its death sentence. Also, it was remade as a more successful bollywood film called "Alag" which is very good as well.

END PART TWO

My Top 30 Movies Of All Time Part 1 of 3

2009-04-20T14:24:00.002-05:00

I decided recently to do a list of the top 30 movies of all time, according to me, because well, every film critic does this, you know cuz we're all hacks that way... anyway here we are, i did it in the form of three top ten lists, starting with 30 and heading downward... so, yeah, confuse that all you like... anyway here we go..

Number 30: Watership Down

when I was a child I saw this movie for the first time, and I have to tell you it scared the crap out of me. See, Watership Down is a kids movie, from an era when they weren't really all that worried about the "mental trauma" that dark and violent images put on screen animated or not, would really do to kids, now that might seem horrific by today's standards, in the late 1970s it wasn't an issue. Which is good, because I gotta tell you, this movie might be about cute fuzzy rabbits all living in a field in England, but a cute and fuzzy tale this is NOT. With out going too much into detail its a dark and at times frightening allegory for human society as told through the world of rabbits. Its dark and haunting and just insanely brilliant. Its based on the book of the same name, and though there are some key changes, they aren't enough to really make the movie unwatchable, infact if anything they make the story more robust and meaningful, even if somewhere in the area of 5 rabbits were dropped from the film adaption. There is also a very rare canadian made animated series that was based on this, it took elements of the book and the movie and fused them all together, and is truly as dark as one can get with out making it horror.

Number 29: It Happened Here

Loosely based on the book "The Man In The High Castle", this 1966 British film which holds the record for the longest production in history (taking 8 years to make). It tells what would happen if we had lost World War 2. Its a tale of how England, and by proxy the world, were betrayed by the British Nazi sympathizers which, well, judging by the outcry of the people of england at the time of the film's release, were still a pretty dark and forgotten part of their past. Kind of like this film in alot of ways, its only real mention in a vague reference in "A Day In The Life" by The Beatles. Given the nature of how the film progresses and the matter of it in general, the whole underground working with the enemy to instill their being able to rule things for them after they take over, that whole thing, it didn't sit well with the people of the world, and among the many controverial films of that time period, "It Happened Here" was saddly and quietly pushed into a dark little corner and forgotten about by most. Which is a shame, its lack of any actual actors, aside from Sebastian Shaw (who later played a young Anakin Skywalker in the original Star Wars Trilogy) and Reginald Marsh (who was well known for many of his television teledrams and sci fi work), makes the film have a sort of film school feel to it, its truly a forgotten gem that should be brought back to life.

Number 28: Doctor Strangelove

In the 1960s Cinema kind of went through this world wide artistic revolution, you had the foundations of modern film making starting to rise up from the teachings of the masters of the golden age, it was a beautiful thing. When it comes down to the argument of the greatest of that era though, many names come up, one of the strong contenders for the title has always been the brilliantly comical cold war allegory "Doctor Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb", a brilliant dark comedy about how the world is always on the every edge for nuclear holocaust, now this probably doesn't found like the kind of thing one should laugh at really, but you need to understand that time of the world, the second world war is far in the rearview mirror, and communism spreading like a rampant paranoia agent across the country, it was the perfect time. It also helps that this movie perfectly showcased Peter Sellers genius, and also made anyone thats ever seen it wanna ride an atomic bomb. Just amazing.

Number 27: Thriller: A Cruel Picture

I should warn you readers now, if you are offended by movies that have unsettlingly graphic violence or brief unsimulated sexual imagery (I'll explain in a minute), then please don't go and find this film, yes its one of the best I've ever seen, but well some just can't get past just how dark it is. See, Thriller falls into two catagories; Sexplotation and Revenge, both staples of the Grindhouse era of movies. What makes it stand out though, is the fact that Thriller basically punches you in the face from start to end, it starts with a young beautiful girl named Frigga/Madeleine, she was raped as a child, which leaves her traumatized and mute. She ends up with a man who gets her addicted to heroin, and then later forces her to prostitute for him, she at one point refuses a client and is stabbed in the eye for it. From this point she snaps inside, she starts to stockpile money, learning how to drive for herself and how to properly shoot the guns she's buying unknown to her pimp, once she feels she's ready, she starts to hunt down and kill every man who's ever harmed her. She leaves a bloody trail all the way to the men that raped her when she was younger. This movie is the main inspiration for the movie Kill Bill, and has never really seen a proper release here in many countries given that the sex scenes are not simulated as in most movies, though a body double was used for the few on screen genitalia images, film people still argue if the movie actually crosses the line into pornography, much like brilliant and important movies David and Lisa, I'm Curious (blue/Yellow), Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song, Baise-Moi and Shortbus, so the debate goes on, personally, I don't care, brilliant, even if dark and twisted is brilliant still, just ben an adult about it.. lol

Number 26: Carnival of Souls

There are plenty of movies that one could argue define horror, infact there are three others on this list, but for me, the definite of old hollywood horrors hs to be Carnival of Souls. There is just something magical about it, how it was filmed, how it was acted, how it was written, all of it, down to every detail makes this a classic for me, every shot could be seen as a picture, and i love that. Sure the plot is abit on the spooky side, an organist survives a car crash that kills her friends, she becomes emotionally and mentally distant to the world and only shows emotion to her organ. Her depression and loneliness drive her to slowly crack and she finally does, outside of Salt Lake City where she becomes entangled with a mysterious Carnival set up on the banks of a river long outside of town which speeds her decent into madness, and eventually gives you the twist ending that knocks you for a loop if you don't see it coming. Oh sure, by today's standards it might not be much, but the twist ending of this film inspired directors like Hitchcock among others to do it too, all the way up to today with directors like M. Knight Shamalah and Steven Black to name afew. Also, if you can, forget the remake in 1998, it was a horrible film and should be forgotten.

Number 25: Five Came Back

I've always loved the old hollywood style, the big lavish productions, the whole feel of it, that magic that any dream or story can become reality, its just such a lovely thing, and is why I became a movie critic infact. One of the films I feel defines that concept best, is 1939's Five Came Back. This film, a disaster film before there was such a term, is possibly one of the greatest studies in human culture and behavior, atleast in context of being played out as a story. A small plane clashes over the Amazon Jungle during a powerful storm, its knocked so far off its target path there is no real chance of a rescue plane finding them, the only option is to repair the engines and get it in the air, while the two surviving members of the flight crew do that, the passengers clear a runway for the plane. Its in doing this that you learn each of them and their backstories, each different and from different walks of life. Judson and Alice, the rich couple eloping because their families don't approve of their love, Henry and Martha, an older couple who seem to be slowly distancing themselves from each other, Pete, the mob gunman who's escorting Timmy, the son of his boss on the flight, Peggy, a "woman of ill repute" (played by a very young Lucille Ball), Vasquez the anarchist and Mr. Crimp, his jailer. With Bill and Joe, the surviving members of the flight crew, this makes 11 total. As the film goes along, you see each of them change in some dramatic ways, some are killed by villagers, villagers who in the end cause an oil leak that will cause the plane to only fly on one engine a short time after it gets in the air, this means that only 5 of them will be able to make it out alive, the rest will be left to die. Truly a beautiful film, plus, it was the inspiration for the 1967 episode of Star Trek "The Galileo Seven", which is, pretty cool i think.

Number 24: And Soon The Darkness

I've always loved a good mental thriller, just something about them I just love, And Soon The Darkness is probably one of the best films that optimizes the genre, its a nice pre-slasher horror film that leaves you guessing till the very end as to the real evil in the film. Its about two british girls biking across France for a summer, and how one day, it all comes crashing down around them in the most horrible way. The poster as you can see makes reference to it being hitchcock like in its delivery, and I gotta say thats not too far off, sure its not on part with most of hitchcock's work, but, well, it doesn't need to be, I love it all the same, I find myself just being drawn into the world the film creates and feeling actual fear and panic, and I just love that, remember thats the goal of a movie, to draw you into the story and make you feel apart of it.

Number 23: if....

As you can probably tell by now, I am a fan of the more expressive and not cookie cutter style of film making, I love brash in your face films which leave a mark on you that stays there your whole life, and stay, to some extent culturally relevant in some way for all of time. The brilliant "If...." is one of those films. It takes place in a british boarding school and deals with the hierarchy of the student body and the social order. The film is infact a 1960s radical allegory for life in the United Kingdom, with the higher level students taking the place of the aristocracy and royal family, and the lower level students taking the role of the working class it shows how the two upper level classes treat the lower level students like slaves, or any other term for unpaid servents. What makes this so interesting is, depending on the boarding school to this day these traditions still live on in the UK. Anyway, the movie follows around a group of underclassmen, or "Scum" as they're called by the upperclassmen who are given police like rule over the student body going by the rules of the school, after what seems like a constant unyielding amount of abuse and humiliation; canings for talking back, and at one point one of the upperclassmen demanding one of the main characters warm a toilet seat for him before he sit on it, the main characters can't take it anymore, and decide to rebel, and they do, in a very violent and chaotic way, which, is very relevant in its own way, you'll understand if you see the film, I'm trying to not give away to much of the plot, its really something you have to see to understand.

Number 22: Wings of Desire

Even though its a German film, and I'm not exactly a fan of German films, I can not help but love Wings of Desire. Wings of Desire is one of those films that when you see it, you know you've seen the tragically beautiful. Because it asks the question that kind of burns inside us all, if we had too, would we choose to give up everything for love. Wings of Desire, much like its later remake City of Angels, follows the story of an angel who falls in love with a human and has to decide, does he want to continue to live forever as an invisible observer of humans and their world, or does he want to give it up and become one, in a way its kind of the choice we all make in life, do we live to live, every day unseen and unnoticed, or do we put our faith in love and truly become extraordinary? Wings of Desire differs from its american remake in the fact that it doesn't have the same ending, where city of angels condensed Wings Of Desire and its sequel Farway So Close! into one film, Wings takes its time and doesn't rush things, and truly makes you believe there are angels among us, even for those who don't believe in such things. Just beautiful.

Number 21: Picnic At Hanging Rock

Picnic At Hanging Rock was one of the first films made by Australian film makers to garner any international attention, and for me its probably one of the best of the early Aussie film ventures, save for afew detective tv shows they had in the 60s, but thats a whole other matter. Picnic At Hanging Rock is a mystery set at the end of the Victorian era at a girl's finishing school Hanging Rock in Victoria Australia, the students take a valentine's day picnic out to hanging rock to enjoy the outdoors, as their picnic goes on, four of the girls and one of the teachers disappear, never to be seen again. The film follows the investigation of what could have happened and the impact it has on those at the school and surrounding area, its a great little murder mystery that leaves you stunned and confused and wondering what the hell has happened at the very end, like a true open ended movie should. Its so beautifully filmed and acted that I just had to add it to my list.

END PART ONE

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-04-20T14:03:00.001-05:00

Xmen Origins: Wolverine:
Or How A Comic Book Film Can Go Completely Wrong,
But I don't learn to Love The Bomb

Its never been a hidden fact that I am a very big comic book fan, and its in that truth that I feel I must also at this time state that though I do love the characters that I love, as any good comic fan does, I am in the minority of fans who enjoy, and in some cases welcome change when a comic is adapted to the movie or television screen, I welcome the idea of improvement or change, I find it refreshing and sometimes enough to bring new life to a forgotten, obscure or not “top level” character, like how the X-Men movies made Bobby “Iceman” Drake and John “Pyro”Allerdyce seem like characters people could actually care about, instead of flat cardboard cut outs doomed to the background role of supporting cast for instance, and sometimes changing a character fails, like in X-Men: The Last Stand, when Jean Grey's Phoenix storyline was relegated to a brief hardly explained subplot that really made no sense at all and kind of made me, and a lot of others from what I gather, angry that the story that drew them into comics as a child was barely a subplot that was tossed in at the last minute believing just because the Phoenix appeared on screen, comic fans would eat it up and cheer. Instead it become an example of how sometimes, these drastic changes are just too much and push the character past re-invention, into the realm of completely mishandled shlock put on screen only to make money off the characters who appear in it, with no regard or thought given to the source material at all. Such is the case with the new film X-Men Origins: Wolverine, where I am left to wonder if the writers had any clue of who they were writing or what the story was about. As I said, change in comic book properties can be good, and when they are, normally they are very good, but when they go wrong, they become very bad, and sadly, Wolverine is very bad. So bad infact I kind of wonder if it was made simply to tank the X-Men franchise before Fox Studio's contract to make movies in the series ran out, sort of theatrical sabotage if you will, because there is no logical way I can fathom anyone thinking this film's script was a good idea.

Now, the general idea for many years has been that to properly make a movie about Wolverine, you would have to split it into two films, one telling the story of his childhood in northern British Columbia Canada, and end at the end of his adult life in the logging camps in Manitoba Canada, and the next explaining how he got the metal skeleton and the entire Weapon X saga. Told separately they are both rich and detailed stories that would each bring in a great deal of money at the box office, and they would showcase the rich history of the character and those in his life. However, this new film, does not do this. Infact it really only takes about five persent of the character's history, adds in a lot of characters who were not linked at all, and somehow have changed powers from what they should, and then fills in the rest as they go. The best wording I could use to explain this script is horrible fan-fiction, and I'm talking worse then those Star Wars, Star Trek, The Smurfs, Transformers, Golden Girls, Twilight, Harry Potter, etc, ones where people write themselves or some role playing character they made up for some table top role playing game involving graph paper and 20 sided dice into the story simply so they can save the day and end up in a hot tub in the end with all the female/male characters or both depending on how the writer rolls, sort of Fan-Fiction here, like the kind you would find on the hard drive of someone thats never seen a member of the opposite sex thats not a jpeg or doesn't know of life outside their parent's basement or garage. I'm sure you get the idea now.

The film starts out where it should, in a stately old manor in upper British Columbia Canada, with no statement of how long ago it was, its supposed to be the early 1850s or so, we see a little sickly boy in bed coughing, while an older boy who is carving something with a knife sits near by, the young boy in the bed is James Hewlett, though his last name is never given, he's simply called James, James' father walks in to check on the boy and to thank Victor, the older boy for watching his son, you then hear Victor's father, a man Identified as Thomas Creed outside the door yelling, James' father looks at Victor and says “your father's come looking for you again, he sounds angry and abit on the drunk side” with a sigh, Victor looks at him and says “With all do respect sir, its not my name he's calling out.”. James' father lets out a sigh and says “you stay here with James, I shall handle this..” next you hear some yelling, and shouting, and then a gunshot. Victor looks to the door shocked as James jumps out of bed calling his father's name and then yells horrified to see that his father is shot dead on the sitting room floor. He stands over the body, looking over at his mother, and at Thomas Creed, he lets out a yell, three claws made out of bone rip from the skin of James' forearms, as he runs at Thomas Creed spearing him into the wall killing him, with his last words he tells James that he was his father, not the man he believed to be, he pulls his claws out of Thomas Creed as he dies, and looks at them in horror, his mother, on the floor near by looks at him crying, yelling “What are you? You're a monster! You are not my son, you're a monster!”, James panics, Victor comes running out, says to him that they have to leave because the police will blame them, James agrees and they go running into the woods of northern British Columbia Canada. At one point they stop, Victor tells James that after the revelation that they are brothers, it means they need to stick together, because brothers look out for each other, they both promise to always care for and look after each other, no matter what. The next scene shows them running through a field, and as the camera pans back you see them get older and it transitions into them as they fight side by side in every war there has been sense that time; The American Civil War, World War One, World War Two and The Vietnam War are shown, the first act ends with them in Vietnam decimating a village that was believed to be a hide out for Vietcong, with Victor, killing the rest of their unit after their commanding officer orders them both to stop killing the villagers, they are then put to a firing squad, they both joke about how they'll survive it and how they'll get a laugh out of seeing the faces of the people doing the shooting.

This is the first 15 minutes of the film, its ment to represent a mix of the story “Origin” which tells of Wolverine's childhood and how he ends up with out his family, and some mashed together half mentions that are made by both Wolverine and Victor Creed in passing over the years in the comics. The problem with this is, you can't take a story like Origin, which was a very well written story with a rich cast that all had meaning, cut out half of the cast, change character's names, change the ending, and mash it all down to 7 and a half minutes, its impossible, you can't put somewhere near 300 pages of story into that little of screen time and change it that much, the changes are mostly in the concept of James' paternity, its never really stated if Thomas Logan, the man Thomas Creed is based on, really is James' father, though he is drawn to look exactly like a grown up Wolverine, only taller, and Thomas' son is never actually called Victor, he's simply called “Dog”, that is the only name he answers too, James does kill Thomas after he kills his father, but James' mother does not call her son a monster, she instead cradles Thomas' dead body and then kills herself. Dog is left with a three line scar across his face from James when he killed Thomas, this is simular to the scar sometimes drawn on the face of Victor Creed, who Dog eventually grows up to look like, though its never stated that Dog is infact Victor. After the kills James does escape and goes on to be a logger in the Canadian wilderness instead of fighting in war after war after war until the 1970s, but he leaves with the character of Rose, a redheaded girl who is his tutor and best friend, and eventually becomes his love interest, she's also ment to represent the reason why Wolverine is attracted to the character of Jean Grey in both the X-Men comics, and all the other media as well, I have no idea why she was left out of the film, personally I felt if they wanted to make this more of a “character driven movie” as they stated instead of a “standard comic book movie”, they should have made it about them and how that life ended tragically with Dog returning and killing Rose, causing James to run off into the woods alone to become a wildman or sorts with Dog chasing him, which would be a great segway into another film where they did the whole Weapon X program, where you see how James becomes Wolverine and gains the adamantium skeleton and does all the black ops stuff before his memory is scrambled.

Instead of that, the film splits completely from what we know of the history in the comics and kind of makes up its own story with minimal bits of the comic's history tossed about randomly to fill in the plotholes in this hacked together story. Act Two picks up after they've been shot for disobeying orders in Vietnam, James and Victor are in a cell when they're visited by William Stryker, who some of you might recall as the main villain in X-men 2, he tells them of how he's putting together a team of people just like them, mutants (with attitude!) and he could really use their help. The two smirk at each other, and agree to join his team of mutants (with attitude!) which is called “Team X”. The team consist of James and Victor, John Wraith; a Teleporter, Wade Wilson (deadpool), who should have a healing factor simular to James and Victor, but instead has gained the mutant power of being able to use a sword really good while not shutting up, Agent Zero, who is an asian man with the mutant power to shoot guns really good, instead of being a canadian man with the power to absorb kinetic energy and afew other neat powers like he was ment to be, with the characters of Fred “The Blob” Dukes a character who can absorb and channel any form of energy he is hit with into strength or speed, however the build up of energy leaves him looking morbidly overweight, Blob is the movie replacement of Mastodon, a character who served as the teams “muscle” before his death, and finally Chris “Bolt” Bradley, who can control electrical things with just a thought, he is the movie replacement to Silver Fox, who though in the film, is not officially a member of the team itself, instead she fills the role that Rose would have played had they went the Origin route with the film as I mentioned earlier, in the original material, Dukes and Bradley were never members of Team X, infact, Dukes has always been played as a villain, and until half way through the film is made to appear kind of tall and lanky. Bradley was a last minute script change addition when the writers realized their original casted character, Barnell “Beak” Bohusk, was an anthropomorphic bird-man, not able to control electrical things. If this mix up should have been taken as the film's first nail in the coffin I'm unsure, but I wouldn't be against anyone else stating that fact.

Act Two follows Team X around, as you see them doing all sorts of super secret Black Ops work for the United States Government, though which branch is never actually stated in the film, though assuming they haven't changed it from the comics its a branch of the CIA. The centerpiece of the second act is the team acquiring an asteroid that looks to be made of a silver like metal for Stryker, who seems intent on getting it. The scene is pretty neat as far as action scenes go, though its really just ment to introduce you to each character and show off their powers. I'll admit with the exception of Agent Zero and Wade Wilson's made up abilities and Duke's being skinny they did get the others pretty much right, finally getting Victor Creed's movements which are similar to that of a large wild feline correct, something no other version of the character on film of tv has been able to do, instead going with the sheer size and mental instability of Creed, both of which also are part of the character's personality as well, which I found to be a good touch. After the second act finishes with them in the village where the asteroid that Stryker was looking for is, it shows them terrorizing the village, the act ends with James, now for some unexplained reason being called “Logan”, stops Victor from killing someone who has information on where the villagers hid the Asteroid, he looks around while still holding Victor's hand back from killing the man and decides he's had enough of what they were doing, he then quits the team and leaves them in the jungle.

Act Three begins some time later, James is living in the pacific north west, logging and living with a school teacher, an Indian named Kayla Silver Fox, who is ment to represent the Team X member Silver Fox, who was once in love with Wolverine, its this part of the story where you see how James takes the name Wolverine, its from an old Indian story Silver Fox tells him, which I kind of like better then the real story of how he got the name, being compared to the actual animal. You see James being happy, living a nice solitary life, though he's plagued by nightmares, he wakes up screaming most nights, even popping his claws out and shredding bedsheets. Silver Fox seems to be unscared by these things and infact she encourages him to talk bout what torments him. Next you cut to a carnival in the southern united states, where you see Chris Bradley working as a side show act, apparently this is what he did after eventually following James' lead and leaving Team X. He makes an alright living, and spends his night alone in his trailer, which is completely full of electronic things, which he keeps powered just as a way of using his powers, he hears a knock on the door, he answers it, and its Victor. Bradley knows why he's there, and snarks “I always figured it would be Wade or Zero..” implying he knows that Victor is there to kill him, which he does. Next we jump back to James, who's working at his job as a logger, when he stops and notices two scents he remembers, William Stryker and Agent Zero, who show up to tell James of Bradley's death, and tell him that Victor killed him, and that they believe Victor is going after all of their former team mates, they ask James to come back with them and fight back against Victor, but he refuses. Stryker pleads with him to return, but he refuses, driving off, leaving them behind as he goes back to his work. Hours later he stops dead and starts to sniff the air, he recognizes the scents in the air, he knows that Victor is near by, as is Silver Fox, who is on her way to pick him up, James realizes what this means and runs off into the woods following their scents. You see a short scene where Victor comes out of the woods, cuts the front of Silver Fox's car all to bits and then you see James in the woods as he finds what appears to me her bloody murdered body.

This leads James to track down Victor, who is sitting at a local bar, in a sense waiting for him to find him. This leads to the big fight scene between the two characters, because, well there has to be atleast one. In typical action fight scene fashion with the brutality and the trash talking, Victor, in true villain style says how they both live for the violence and how they aren't that different, you know the standard issue trash talk, nothing all that new, some great moves, but thats about it, in the end Victor says “you can't beat me” and buries James under some logs, then stomping down on James' bone claws breaking them. James next wakes up in hospital operating room as they're about to give time of death, he wakes up in a fury and starts to yell about how he needs to find Victor. The camera pans to the right and you see William Stryker standing there, as he states that he can help James become strong enough to defeat Victor, who Stryker believe has gone completely insane. After a boring and contrived argument, James agrees to go with Stryker, who takes him back to his lab and dubs James “Weapon X” and explains that they're taking part in a program of the same name, he then explains that the asteroid they found earlier in the film allowed them to make a metal called Adamantium, which is stronger then anything on the planet, and then explains that he believes with James' healing ability they believe the metal will bond to his skeleton if pumped into his body.... this is the point of the movie I started to finally realize just how little these writers knew of the characters that they were writing about, and started to wish for the end to come, but it got worse.

Stryker asks James what name he'd like on his new dog tags, James just says “have them say Wolverine.”, and thus the character is named. Next you see the tossed together attempt at explaining how Wolverine's metal skeleton came to be, he almost dies in the tank, but survives and pops out of the tank all naked and roaring with his new metal claws out. I was kind of hoping they'd do some of the actual Weapon X story, and maybe we'd see the classic Weapon X shot of Wolverine wearing that info helmet and stuff thats so iconicly linked to the story of Weapon X and Wolverine himself, you know to maybe save this gamma sized bomb even if just alittle bit by means of giving a little fan pander scene or two, but no, that didn't happen and this bomb couldn't be saved. Oh well...

Next you see Victor, in a high school tracking down a young boy who happens to be Scott Summers, the mutant known as Cyclops, the eye beam shooting leader of The X-Men, he chases Scott down and tranquilizes him, he then radios Stryker saying he's gotten the boy, revealing that the whole thing to get James back into the group was a rouse by both men. Next you see James in Las Vegas where he meets up with now retired John Wraith, who tells him that Team X broke apart not long after he left, he then tells him what they were doing after James left, they went from special ops, to rounding up, and in some cases killing, mutants “They made us hunt and kill our own kind..” Wraith says, he then says that Victor never really recovered from James leaving, and grew more and more unstable, and eventually caused everyone to leave except Agent Zero and Wade Wilson. Wraith then says he doesn't know where they were holding the mutants they were capturing, but he said that Fred Dukes knew, because he was transferred there for a short time, he then states that “retirement wasn't easy on Fred.. he's different”, this is when we first see Fred Dukes as he's known in the comics, very tall and morbidly fat, but fast and strong as anyone. After a pretty funny boxing match in which James calls him “Bub” which Dukes misreads as “Blob” a name he hates being called, Dukes goes into a frenzy and after seeing no matter how hard he hits James, he can't put him down, and a final headbutt with his new metal skull, Dukes tells James where to find the only person to ever escape the holding location, a man named Gambit, and says he will need to help them get inside, given that all Dukes did was supervise transports, with blacked out windows he had no idea where the actual location was.

James and Wraith set off to New Orleans, where they find Remy Lebeau, the man better known as Gambit. Who apparently was able to escape from this holding location because he won his freedom in a card game with the guards. I remember yelling outloud to myself “Gambit's power isn't to be good at poker, thats not a damn power at all”, I guess if I was going to get anything out of this film that was of any worth I'd have to make it myself, You actually meet Gambit in a poker room in New Orleans, where he's playing cards with some guy thats a world poker champion, I can't remember his name cuz well, I could care less about world poker champions, James sits down at the table and after a deep theoretical anti hero to anti hero talk, James explains that he's there, Remy believing he's there to take him back attacks him, apparently not only has he gained the mutant power to play poker really well, but he can also control cards and make them fly in slow motion at people, oh and also his charging things to energy to make them explode powers are there, this ofcourse means they superhero-fu fight now. While this is happening, you see Wraith outside the poker hall in the alley waiting for James, out of the shadows comes Victor who after Wraith holds him off pretty well, is killed by Victor literally holding out his hand where Wraith materializes, which anyone that knows their comic book science nows, that will kill a person, but, just for added effect, and i'd assume so he's not walking around with a dead body on his arm, Victor rips his hand out of Wraith's body, which now slumps to the ground.

James soon gets knocked through a wall into the same alley, and while he's trying to explain to Remy that he needs his help getting inside the location where all the mutants are held, remember that, that was the whole point of this scene right? Just as he's gotten him to believe him, Remy looks up to see Victor, he then believes its a set up again, until he seems James fighting him off, after James and Remy fight off Victor, Remy agrees to take him to the location where all the mutants are being held. The next scene is this kind of stupid wedged in buddy picture scene that falls just shy of a “whats the matter, the fall will probably kill ya..” to fully rip off just about every hallmark from that genre. After going over their plan, where James infiltrates the building, and Remy lands his plane then meets him inside, James then jumps out of Remy's plane, which he apparently won in a poker game, skipping on the water till he hits the shoreline outside the compound, and guess what? SURPRISE!!! Its famed nuclear meltdown site Three Mile Island! Because you know, where else are you going to play Maniac Manson with mutants other then a nuclear reactor thats been dormant sense it had a meltdown. I'm at this point wondering why a super top secret uber black ops holding location doesn't have good enough security to not only notice a small leer jet coming in toward it, and landing on its grounds, but also why it can't detect a lone person literally walking up to his side gate and walking right in almost completely unnoticed, you'd think there would be security or something right? Guess no one thought of that.

The last act, as i'm sure you can guess is the whole big climatic fight, James finds out that Silver Fox is alive, and she was keeping him in check for Stryker until he felt he needed him again, you have another big fight with Victor, and you find out that Silver Fox is only helping Stryker because he's got her young sister, an unnamed mutant who has one of the powers of “The White Queen” Emma Frost (and is billed as her apparently), you find out why Stryker's been playing mutant pokemon (gotta catch'um all!), its to build the perfect mutant. And that mutant is made out of Wade Wilson, the only member of Team X you haven't seen sense the first part of the movie, but now his mouth is sealed shut, this leads to the sarcastic yet horribly timed statement “I guess someone finally shut you up Wade...” (ugh!), also I'm not aware of how the full length sword that comes out of Wade's arm is even possible, I mean its a full size sword, how could it actually fit up his arm? It would need to fit the whole length and that would mean there isn't a bend in it, but he can clearly bend his arm... Thankfully this horrible shlockfest of a movie is almost over, I can't take much more of this, not even Fast and The Furious was this big of a stankbomb. As this fight happens you find out that Stryker's implanted Wade with all of the powers of all the mutants they've come across through the entire film, James' healing, Victor's agility, Wraith's teleportation, Wade's apparent skill to use a sword good, and the eye beams of Scott Summers, who they captured earlier, they don't really show anyone else's powers in the fight. Half way through the fight they end up on time of the big smoke stack on top of Three Mile Island, James falls in, but is grabbed by Victor, who's apparently showed up out of no where, and delivers that horribly bad line that I knew was coming “No one kills you but me..... brother.” I cringed at this, I really did. Following this, they team up and fight the supermutant that used to be Wade Wilson, apparently metal claws can deflect eye beams that are powerful enough to cut through a building as they do earlier in the film, thats some amazing metal, seriously. They end the fight by cutting off Wade's head, and apparently the future plans for Marvel Studios to make that movie about Wade they been talking about for years, oh well, that was 10 years of talk down the drain. As the building is falling around them, Victor looks at James and says “this changes nothing between us, brother.” and runs off.

Next you see Silver Fox freeing the mutants held here, including her sister, who may or may not be a young Emma Frost, among the children that are escaping, comic book fans will recognize Banshee, Quicksilver, Storm, Mastermind, and afew others, non-comic book fans will recognize no one, because they are not comic book fans and wouldn't know who any of those people are. Next you see Stryker, who's frantically packing things so get out of the compound because he knows that James is coming for him, he loads a gun with bullets that are the same metal thats in Wolverine's skeleton, and when told they won't kill him, Stryker says “Its ok, I have a magic bullet, and all I need to do is shoot him in the head and he'll forget everything he's ever known” how this was proven I've got no idea, its never explained. James finally catches up with Stryker outside near the way out of the compound, they have another villain to hero monologue, as you cut between this and the kids getting away, which leads them to the same place where James and Stryker are apparently, this leads to Silver Fox being mortally shot, and James shot down trying to get to her, two shots to the head, and apparently he loses his memory. I still don't know how that works, but i'm kind of wishing I could lose my memory at this point honestly. The children run off after Silver Fox is shot, and end up outside the grounds where Charles Xavier, also known as professor Charles Xavier, found of the X-Men saves them, unknown to anyone else, the movie then cuts back to Gambit coming to get Wolverine, claiming they need to leave before the police get there, Wolverine looks at him and yells “who am I? I don't remember who I am”, Gambit says “your name is logan, and you're a good man..”, they start to run away, Wolverine sees Silver Fox's body, and goes over to her, claiming a vague remembering of the face, but can't recall anything of her, and thats where the film ends.

Now, as I'm sure you can tell that I'm not really a big fan of this film, and I guess maybe my knowledge of comics got in the way, I don't really know, but I can say this, if you are a comic book fan, or were a comic book fan at any time, you'll probably hate the film, even though the action scenes are pretty cool, even the one where Wolverine kills Zero, which was kind of a bland unneeded to be mentioned part of the film, but I guess if you aren't a comic book fan, you could enjoy the film, but otherwise, I'd avoid it, like I said at the start, reinvention is fine, but this just changes everyone so much that its almost as if you're watching a bad attempt at a direct to video action film, and not one of those good ones either, like a seriously bad one. So I guess watch at your own risk, if you're up for watching this.

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Laz

Burying Brian

2009-03-11T16:08:00.003-05:00

Burying Brian: A Comedy About Death

As hard as it might be for some of us to believe, or atleast admit in the company of others, death, is funny. Its like the punchline to a timeless cosmic joke, thats why there are so many movies, and television series done, where death is the focus, and though some are funny for just how unrealistic and bad they are, like say, the Weekend At Bernie's movies, which exspect you to think that rigor mortis didn't set in for atleast two weeks, where in lackluster, even for the 1980s, hilarity attempts ensue, or to the early years of the series 6 Feet Under before it got all pretentious and post Allen Alda behind the camera M.A.S.H like, there are countless others in the same vain, attempting to make a comedy out of the idea of death, one of those such things is the New Zealand television series Burying Brian, which I had the pleasure of sitting down and watching straight through recently. To be fair though, to say that Burying Brian is a dark dramatic comedy about death isn't exactly true. Its a dark dramatic comedy about death, love, friendship, family, devotion, new beginnings, and putting Asian thugs in jail for a very long time.

The story focuses on the Welch family, Brian, the father, former rock star who's prise possession is his gold record from when is band was “world famous in new zealand” as they say there, he now spends his time at home doing computer programing work, getting drunk and getting high, and sometimes recording new songs he writes on his min-DAT and producing them on his computer. Brian is depressed given that his life isn't what he expected it to be at almost 40 years old, with a family, a wife, and as he puts it, the most boring job in the world, this is the reason he's constantly drunk and high, to deal with his depression over what never was, this ofcourse leads to problems with his family, most often his wife, Jodie, who feels she has to not only raise their two children Josh and Kendall, but her husband too given that he has shown no effort to so much as clean up the house while Jody is gone during the course of the day. Jodie, Brian's wife is an overstressed mother who feels trapped and that she's slowly loosing control of the things in her life, between keeping her children on the right path as well as having to care for her husband who she feels is ungrateful for all she does, she has very few outlets for which to escape from what she sees as an overwhelming amount of things to deal with alone, she keeps to just her three close friends; Gerri, Theresa, and Denise, whom she has known most of her life, they mention as far back as upper middle school but its implied they've known each other longer then that, and sees her once a week nights out with them as her only means of an out from what she deals with at home.

The series starts with Jodie coming home to from her night out with some friends, she's lost her keys and has to break into her own home through a window after finding that no one's answering the door, she climbs in through the kitchen window, which wakes up Brian, who is hugging his bong on the couch, he's startled, Jodie starts to yell at him for doing nothing while she was gone, they get into an argument, and Jodie finally kicks Brian out of the house, she claims she can't take life with him anymore, he says that she's not a joy to live with either, and then, all the frustration she feels inside is let out as she starts to toss things at Brian, a coffee cup knocks his bong out of his hand and breaks it on the floor behind him, after Jodie runs out of things to toss at him, she grabs his prised gold record off the wall and tosses at him, as he catches it, he slips in a puddle infront of the refrigerator door that he'd left partly open, he spins around and lands neck first on the shattered bong, killing him.

Jodie panics and flashes back to the start of the night, when she was getting ready for her night out, which leads to an argument when she yells at Brian for leaving their refrigerator door open, leaving a small puddle on the kitchen floor that she slipped and almost hurt herself in, this argument continues until Jodie runs out the door for the cab she's called, then it goes to her meeting up with her friends, they are the real core of the cast, as they talk about everything from sex to marriage you find out about their lives and their relationships with each other. Gerri is a high level advertising executive who, unless reminded seems to never really have time for anyone, she's single and makes no real issue of it, she's also known to sleep with certain people to get ahead in business, she has an assistant who is trying to ruin her out of jealousy. Theresa is a school teacher and wife of a high level detective, she's the mother of a teenage girl named Alex who, unknown to her parents is dating Jodie and Brian's son Josh, Theresa's husband Pete, is moody and abit headstrong do to his frustration on trying to put away a local drug dealer who murdered one of his friends, Theresa claims they have the perfect marriage. Denise is the quiet one who stays in the background, For most of the series her friends even admit they don't really know anything about her, they haven't met her husband, or her children, or even really been to her home, she is a hair stylist who works out of her home, she has afew children and is married to a parking control officer named Warren, who we find out later in the series, after she can't take the stress of hiding her life from the others, beats her, controls her and demeans her any chance he gets.

As their night goes on, they get onto the subject of if they could, would they end their relationships, after a lot of joking around Jodie says “well the only way I could get rid of Brian is to kill him..”, she then explains how logically the only way she would be able to survive with out him would be if he was dead, because she wouldn't stand the idea of him with someone else, and she would never wish the problem that he is on anyone else, so she says again, “the only logical answer, would be to kill Brian...” to which everyone laughs, she then, under the influence of abit to much alcohol she says “I wish he was dead” rather loud, well loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear her. Soon after, they all decide its time to leave, and after Jodie is dropped off at her house, is where the story picks back up to current speed...

In a panicked state, believing anyone that heard her state she wished her husband dead or how the only way to get out of her marriage would be to kill him might speak up if it was ever reported he died and that she could go to jail for murder, despite the fact it was an accident, Jodie calls her friends, of who all but Gerri show up, and after some very funny scenes of them attempting to dump the body in afew different locations near by, they finally find the only place they can bury him is the common area behind the house. The next morning Jodie realizes that she can see where they buried him from the kitchen window she'd had to break into the house through the night before. Soon her friend Gerri arrives, and the four of them work out a plan to make it seem as if Brian had left with another woman, a plan that actually fools the police, including Theresa's husband Pete.

From there the series spins between funny, dark, dramatic and meaningful, you find out the whole story of their lives and how they intertwine, how the stress of their secret almost pushes them apart forever, With out giving away to much of it, you see how one secret can bring to light many dark little secrets that are kept between friends, and how even though them coming to light can cause anger and friction and distrust, in the end, when the only real family you have to speak of are your lifelong friends, you do whats right and you stick by them. Jodie speaks of that in the final scene of the series when they finally have a funeral for Brian, she speaks of how she realized that though she at times hated him, and what he'd become, she realized just how much she missed him, and that she was glad that in the end, she had learned to be a better person, a better mother, a better friend, and that she was going to make the most of her new chance at life. They all walk out together, eluding to the fact they are all bonded tighter then before and that from Brian's death, a new beginning was ready to take place. In a sense, the circle of life, from death, brings destruction, from destruction, comes rebuilding, and from that comes a new start. I think that is what one takes away from this series, that life is, in a sense, a circle, that keeps spinning around it doesn't matter if its a boring circle or not, all that matters is no matter what, in the end, you start at the beginning again, sometimes with a new life, thats better then the one before, but what you make of it is up to you.

As for production, its rather high end, but not much different from the stuff you find in countries outside of the united states, sets are actual homes, other locations are filmed on location, gives you that sort of, happening in real life vibe which I love so much about foreign television and we lack here in America. The cast is very enjoyable together, though they would probably be completely unknown to you unless you were someone that kept up with international television, or were originally from or living in New Zealand or the countries that they share programs with, Shane Cortese, who some will know as Hayden Peters on the slowly becoming an international cult series Outrageous Fortune, plays Brian, who you actually start to kind of like and understand through the flashback scenes, a sort of “likable jerk” if you will, and well, you kind of chuckle at just how good of a dead body he plays for 90% of his screen time. Jodie Dorday played Jodie rather well, its very hard to play a person thats slowly going out of their mind but doesn't realize it even though everyone around them does, she's a perfect match for the role and complements the rest of the cast well, to show just how geeky I am, I instantly recognized her from her days of playing Solari on Xena Warrior Princess and from when she played Maddison McGuire earlier in 2008 on the aussie mock reality series Mark Loves Sharon, which I loved immensely, she also played Kentucky Sue in the shortlived Bruce Campbell and Angela Marie Dotchin series Jack Of All Trades, but apparently I'm the only one on the planet that remembers that show. Carolyn McLaughlin, who plays Theresa Donnelly does such a good job in the role that you wouldn't really be aware that its her first starring role and only her second actual acting job, she mostly does Sound editing for a living apparently, I'd have never actually known that had I not looked it up, she's a very good actress, its very hard to play the emotional and rational center of a series, its one of those jobs no one really wants, she does it effortlessly. Ingrid Park, who has been acting off and on for afew years though this is her first starring role, plays Denise Crowley very well, she has the whole repressed and ashamed of her life thing going on, and when Denise finally snaps, she plays a very good crazy, which like I said earlier, is hard to play right. Rebecca Hobbs rounds out the core cast as Gerri Marchand, the somewhat easy fast living one who has her life flipped upside down by the end of the series, she as well hasn't really done a lot of acting but seems to be very good in the role and a good fit in the cast. Stand outs on the secondary cast are Craig Hall as Pete Donnelly, who I recognized right off as Nicky Greegan from Outrageous Fortune and from an obscure NZ comedy called “The Strip” from afew years back that just knowing of proves how big of a geek I am, he plays Pete as a mix of bad cop and awesome cop that knows sometimes you gotta work outside the system you work for to get anything done, he also has that “don't piss me off or I'll kill you” thing going on, he interacts really well with the other stand out of the secondary cast, Joshua Leys, who plays Josh Welch, the oldest of Brian and Jodie's two kids, through the whole first half of the series Josh is made to seem like your average loner pot smoking teenager who doesn't really care about anything, and by the end you see that its all a cover as he states that with his dad gone, he has to be the man of the family now, you also see how adult he can be when he deals with Pete, who wants to kill him for sleeping with his daughter, but in the end comes around to him, I found the interaction between the two to be some of the highlights of the second part of the series, infact the scene where they're trying to write out a “Break Up Letter” from Josh to Pete and Theresa's daughter Alex after Pete finds out about them sleeping together is hilarious.

I guess this series on some level could appeal to all, its got enough comedy to make you laugh, enough drama to make you care, and enough of everything else to keep those who aren't into laughing or feeling ways about stuff happy, so I'd say give it a try if you feel up for something different. However, you will have to download it, or buy the dvd and ship it to you, given its limited episode run, only 6 episodes and only one series, its very doubtful that anyone would pick it up and air it here on the other side of the world, but if you're in the know on where to watch or attain television from around the world give it a try, you might enjoy it. If nothing else it'll give you a laugh or two.

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Laz

Did you ever notice....

2009-03-08T16:23:00.004-05:00

There are a lot of things similar between ridiculously bad cult sitcom Gillian's Island, and current "if you didn't watch the first episode you're boned beyond belief" smash cult hit Lost?

Its true, I was thinking about this today, because well, I really have nothing else to do today, and incase you aren't aware just yet, when i have nothing much to do, i tend to think of the most random stuff, some of which actually makes sense, now, let me break it down for you, because i'm pretty sure the idea of linking an insanely stupid yet ever so funny sitcom what happened to Maynard G. Crebs after the end of The Many Loves of Doeby Gillis being like an ultra high end super sci fi mystery series might be abit to far out of reach for some...

First off, The Island, referred to in both programs as simply "The Island", in both shows its apparently located somewhere in the pacific ocean between Hawaii and japan. Both are apparently in some obscure and apparently unmapped section of that part of the ocean, which seemed completely impossible by 1960s tech, and completely impossible by today's standard of tech. In both programs The Island seemingly provides different things both good and bad for them to deal with..

On Gilligan's Island it was things like a boat or a submarine or two japanese people who were still under the idea that world war 2 didn't end yet, or space ships or some useless other useless shit.

On Lost it gives you mysterious numbers and guns and randomly takes away or adds people as each episode sees fit.

On Gilligan's Island aparently no one can find The Island, dispite the fact that its the only island around with a boat that is the size of the S.S Minnow, which was always shown sitting on one of the islands wide and open shores with a never explained hole in its side, how anyone could ever miss a character boat of that size washed a shore in the south pacific which is a major shipping lane and flight line, i've no idea honestly.

On Lost, I have no idea how a large scale airliner going down in a fireball of the size that it did, could not only leave so little visable wreckage that no one would notice it crashed on an island, ofcourse I also have misgivings about how the plane apparently had no black box distress emitter, and that the crash killed all the not pretty people except the token fat guy.

On Gilligan's Island they have frequint visiters for an island thats apparently uncharted, there tend to be head hunters from another island near by, various boaters, be they famous directors, or military people, or an astronaught who finds a bottle with a genie in it on its shore, or whatever the hell it is that week, where they leave before saving the castaways, and ofcourse, they for whatever reason never even mention what happened to them on the island and never even think of tipping off anyone about where they are.

On Lost, apparently people travel to and from the island all the time, most of which are out for some form of evil intent, how anyone didn't think of stealing one of these boats of theirs I have no idea, ofcourse that island is implied to be hidden some how, so i don't know if the rules of reality even apply to that.

When you take all of these facts into account, there is really only one logical idea which both shows lead you too.. they both take place on the mythical island of Mu. Its said to appear and disappear randomly through out history, people who land on them and stay are said to have a sort of timewarp effect much like the Castaways on Gilligan's Island, who though they had a radio, where apparently unaware of the passage of time and the news in the world when they were eventually resquied and brought back to civilization, how they seemed time displaced or how the radio that kept them in some kind of contact with the outside world was able to get such good reception when radios didn't have that powerful of reciver areas back then is unknown, possibly an effect of Mu's believed magical properties? The top secretness of Lost would hit that they might be looking to harvest the power and magical nature of the island...

ofcourse in all honesty I could just be rambling and none of this really make any real sense at all, so who knows....

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Laz