Saturday, September 19, 2009

District 9

thought i had posted this earlier, I apologize for the lateness.

District 9
A Film About The Way Human Beings Really Are
Even If We Don't Want To Admit It




When I first read the rumblings across the wire about a rumor that the stand out sci fi film of 2009 might come out of South Africa, a film industry not really known for making sci fi films, I at first dismissed it, laughed it off, South Africa is known for its depressing stomp on your throat in a pair of sharpened baseball cleats, and when you think its done, it stomps some more and grinds, then it does it more. Because they're just that depressing. So the idea of them pulling a sci fi film of any note off was a long shot at best. But, I must admit, this film comes dangerously close to hitting the Sci Fi bullseye, which honestly, is a good thing, the kind of good thing that people are just left agape wondering if what they just saw was the closest thing to a religious experience that most of the world will ever have, that is what a film is supposed to do, just leave you wide eyed and open mouthed in wonder. District 9 does not disappoint when it comes to doing that, and you can trust in that.

Here is the plot: The film is done in a faux documentary style, explaining everything and introducing everyone who you will need to know through interviews, that slowly fill in the puzzle of what is going on in this film, its brilliantly done, even if its hard to figure out at first. Thats probably one of my very few problems with the film, its slow somewhat confusing beginning 15 or 20 minutes, though they are needed, given the fact they introduce and set up everything you will need for the film, the main characters, what District 9 is, how the aliens got here, things of that nature, if you need a reference to get what i mean, think the way Jurassic Park started, that slow but important opening. After the slow moving set up, the film's pace quickens once you actually get inside District 9 itself, and see not only the hellhole that it is, but how the humans treat the aliens, or "prawns" as they call them given their likeness to shrimps, you truly see what this film is about. Its really a metaphor for the years of South Africa's Apartheid rule. Once your mind connects the dots, you fully understand what this film is about. its about the struggle for freedom, equality, and the most basic of human rights, the right to not be treated like a lower creature just because you are different.

Through flashbacks and cuts to archival footage, you meet the main players of this film; Wikus van de Merwe; our central character, he works for MNU, a large multinational weapons development and private security force, who oversee District 9, Wikus' job is the head of the Department for Relations with Extraterrestrial Civilizations, a job his father inlaw Piet Smit, a high ranking director at MNU promotes him too on the day Wikus goes into District 9, during this part you also meet Colonel Kobus Venter, the film's main villain, and head of a unit of soldiers despacted to accompany Wikus and his people into District 9. At this point its explained that the aliens are being moved from their hovel town outside of Johannesburg South Africa, to a large place of land many miles away which will be called District 10.

It is at this point we learn how the aliens ended up here in the first place, In 1982, a large alien spaceship stops above Johannesburg, South Africa. Reports suggest that the ship became stranded after a command module separated from the ship and dropped to Earth, nowhere to be found. After cutting their way inside, an exploratory team discovers a large group of unhealthy and leaderless arthropod-like species. These alien creatures, derogatorily referred to as prawns, are taken from the ship and housed in a government camp inside Johannesburg called District 9, which soon turns into a slum. You then, through a series of clip interviews see not only what the average person thinks of the aliens being here, but also you see just how bad things are inside District 9, they talk about the Nigerian gang that runs the illegal businesses, dealing in weapons, food, even interspecies prostitution. You are then told that one of the main things leading to MNU controlling District 9, is that they wanted the weapons and alien tech that the prawns have, even though it has been discovered that the weapons and tech are all bio-locked, meaning if you are not of their genetic make up, you can't use any of it, they mention that at one point before first contact was made, that a small escape pod sized part of the ship fell off, and though no one could find it, they believed that was the key to the ship's control, as well allowing humans to access the weapons. This is also where you discover that the move, is really just a big scam to strip the prawns of all their tech and weapons they brought with them from the ship.

From here you jump back to Wikus, as he and his group, along with the military unit that is their escort, enter District 9. And you can't help but look in awe at just how bad it is, and it makes you wonder, if we ever do make first contact, will we be this bad? will we embrace them at first, and then reject and mistreat them if we discover the aliens aren't what we all dream them to be like, and more so, if they come to us looking for help, will we just try to exploit them for what we can gain from them, then cast them aside to live in hellish squaller. As you move around District 9, you are bombarded with hellish imagery worse then anywhere in the 3rd World, you also see that with out us taking the time to attempt and teach them communication, simple misunderstandings can become deadly, you see one prawn kick a man so hard he not only loses and arm, but his life when he impacts with a wall several feet away, you then see that prawn be killed with out a second thought by the military envoy, you see several situations just like this as the film goes, shootings, brutality, even the burning of a nursery full of babies, it gets to the point where you really start to question if humanity deserves to be in contact with the creatures of another world, or if we truly are as narrow minded, violent and primitive as the film depicts. But I guess that would be the point of it all in the end wouldn't it? At this point you see two aliens in a shack using what looks to be a biological science station, where they are distilling some form of fluid, which is quickly stuffed into a canister and smuggled away when Wikus and his people knock on the door.

The alien that takes the canister is designated for filing and locational reasons, with the name Christopher Johnson, Christopher's young son, one of the few children allowed to grow in District 9, greets Wikus and his people at their door while Christopher hides the canister. As he's asked to leave his shack for means of inspecting, they discover the hundreds of computers linked together inside the shack, all of which are considered contraband and must be taken. During the inspection Wikus finds the canister and is accidentally sprayed in the face with the black fluid inside. Christopher is outside demanding his rights when Wikus comes out looking as if he's doing to be ill. At this point the crew decides its time to leave District 9 for today. Wikus returns home to a surprise party in his honor, only to be taken aside by his father inlaw and told if he doesn't do a better job with the relocation to District 10, he will be fired. Apparent his father inlaw has no idea what the difference between a disciplinary hearing and a surprise party is, it makes you wonder if he really has lived an interesting life or not, but you soon realize you don't really care, because during the party Wikus starts to bleed a black fluid that looks alot like what is in the container he was sprayed with. He is taken to hospital and it is soon discovered that under the skin of his left arm, is the arm of one of the aliens.

Whatever was in that canister is turning Wikus into an alien, and after discovering this he is rushed to a special lab inside the MNU main office where its discovered that that he not only has an arm like one, but also their speed, their agility, and their strength, as well as, and most importantly to his father inlaw, he can operate alien technology and weapons. Wikus screams in horror and fear as they force him to test out alien weapon after weapon at times with a gun to his head, eventually using what appears to be an alien flamethrower on steroids he is forced to kill a prawn, which he protests the action of, screaming how its not right or fair, eventually he uses his alien strength to escape, MNU brands him a fugitive, claiming he had contracted an alien sexually transmitted disease and was in a sense a typhoid marry running loose in the city of Johannesburg, a claim his wife does not believe. Wikus goes to the only place he feels he can get answers, he heads back to District 9, to the home of Christopher Johnson, who upon seeing him and his arm decides to help, in exchange for Wikus' help regaining that canister he took earlier, as Wikus starts to understand the alien's language, Christopher takes him under his shack and explains to him that the module that fell from the ship over 20 years ago, was the command module and that the canister that sprayed wikus was a bio fuel, that powered the alien mothership, and that the fuel will allow the alien ship to leave earth for the first time sene its arrival. Realizing the only way to save himself and the aliens is to help Christopher, Wikus agrees to help him regain the canister, and after gaining some earth and alien tech and weapons from the Nigerian Gang Warlord, they head off to raid the MNU building and regain the canister.

From there the film switches into overdrive for what is possibly the best 45 or so minutes of straight up punch you in the face action you will see in years as Wikus and Christopher fend off not only the MNU Military Compliment head by the insane and sadistic Colonel Kobus Venter, but eventually Nigerian gang members bent on revenge for what Wikus does to them when gaining weapons from them. Its an insanely fast paced, lightening fast version of the shoot outs of the wild west with all three sides going at each other all at once, somewhere in the total chaos, Wikas gains control over an alien battle mech, which he uses while Christopher tries to get the command module into the air, after the Nigerian gang members are delt with, it leaves Wikus to take on Venter and his men while Christopher heads for the ship. It all leads up to a final showdown between Venter and Wikus that just leaves you on the edge of your seats waiting for whats going to happen next, its truly an awesome climatic scene, and one that will leave you happy you came to see this film. I won't spoil the actual ending of the film but it does leave it open for a second one if they see fit, though given that it would be a sort of Judgment Day type situation, I find myself worrying about the idea of a follow up, given that the idea of us being judged for our primative and brutal ways by aliens is so over done. Plus, sometimes a story is best left open ended, where you can write your own ending.

As I said at the start, this film did not let me down, yes, it does have a very slow, but very important to the rest of the film starting point, and its very easy to get yourself mucked up in that and lose interest, but don't, stick with it, because the boring set up is needed for the rest of the film to make sense, and once you get out into the actual District 9, the film picks up speed and just rolls through its run time with compelling and action that if anything will give it the status of a sleeper hit for the year. I whole heartedly recommend this film to anyone that is a fan of brilliant writing, awesome special effects, or super high end well written sci fi. So if you get a chance, seriously, check this out, you will not be disappointed at all.


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Laz

Friday, September 18, 2009

Jennifer's Body

Jennifer's Body
Or: A Study In Why Megan Fox Shouldn't Do Movies With Out Giant Robots




On the off chance you've been living under a rock, or in the bowels of some super unknown paramilitary rebel hide out hidden deep under a hovel town in Burma, then you, unlike the rest of the world, are not aware that Megan Fox, star of Transformers and current hot girl that says stupid things, has a new movie coming out by the name of Jennifer's Body. Now you also might not be aware that this film, is, for the sake of opening statement politeness, nothing more then a modern day version of a sexploitation film. And though I am sure many a person will shell out their hard earned money to see this film, after all, if you put an attractive woman that everyone's talking about on film teasing glimpses of her body and sexuality, there will always be people that go and see it, simply because of those reasons, I personally, can not say that this film was of any real worth. It is basically an excuse to take hollywood's current "it" girl, and trot her out on screen and have her be sexy and say moronic things that the more perverse of people be talking about for days, as the blog and photoshop their way through making the film remotely remembered for nothing more then else then its in your face exploitation of Megan Fox and her current place in pop culture and movie history. And though I can see how on paper this would look like marketing genius, but honestly, it just makes Fox's fame burn out just that much faster.

Here is the plot to the film: Jennifer's Body is about small town high school student Jennifer (Megan Fox), who is possessed by a hungry demon. She transitions from being "high school evil" - gorgeous (and doesn't she know it), stuck up and ultra-attitudinal - to the real deal: evil/evil. The glittering beauty becomes a pale and sickly creature jonesing for a meaty snack, and guys who never stood a chance with the heartless babe, take on new luster in the light of Jennifer's insatiable appetite. Meanwhile, Jennifer's lifelong best friend Needy (Amanda Seyfried), long relegated to living in Jennifer's shadow, must step-up to protect the town's young men, including her nerdy boyfriend Chip (Johnny Simmons). That is basically it, no hidden things that surprise you or a plot twist that makes you somehow feel you haven't waisted your time watching this film, its all pretty much right there. Which when you compare it to writer Diablo Cody's last film, Juno, this dark comedy just does not live up to the same iconic cult status that Juno gained, though I would venture to guess in its own way this film might gain cult status, even if only among lovers of bad movies and grindhouse fans that are into exploitation films, and ofcourse it will be very popular with lonely teenage boys.

The film is said to be a comedy, but really its just a hack, slash, and female ogling film that does nothing more then cringe your way through two hours of She-Demon Megan Fox, going around treating high school girls like crap, teasing the boys, and coming as close to making out with her "pet nerd", a dumpy girl, ironically called Needy, because Diablo Cody used all her good imaginary names on the characters of Juno and Wishmaster the Horse that Wrote Poems, and I'm sure some will find it entertaining as Fox's demonic side comes out and starts to go all black widow on all the boys in school, seducing them and then when they're ready for some action, opening her mouth to reveal her demonic side's way of eating, there is alot of blood, alot of low brow humor, alot of almost nudity, lots of teases of girl on girl interaction, even an idioticly played joke about Fox's claim of being bisexual, when her demonform and Needy face off, Needy states "I thought you only attacked men.." to which Fox, covered in blood and demon stuff proclaims "I go both ways", which though only giving me a slight chuckle, I'm sure will be the big talked about joke scene for those who see the film, and will be asked to any woman who feels shallow enough to dress up as Jennifer for halloween or something, but honestly, I find nothing remotely redeeming in this film save for afew small chuckles, and the hilarity I'll have at all the perverts going insane for all of the almost and semi-nude scenes of fox. It'll be almost as funny as people that believe Wishmaster the Horse That Wrote Poems is a real film and not something I tossed for a random comedic moment.

More so then the movie itself disappointing is the fact that Diablo Cody actually felt this was a good idea for a screenplay, it leaves me wondering if her Oscar for Juno was a fluke win in a year when there weren't many other films to match it in creatively written dialog that year. Seriously, I have nothing against Cody's work, I just think maybe she should stick to straight up comedy instead of this horribly bad excurition into both sci fi and horror, two fields she shouldn't venture into again, ever, infact to be honest, she shouldn't even rent movies from the sci fi or horror sections at a movie rental store, she should really just stick to what she knows, sarcastic socially detached teenagers who isolate themselves so they can feel ways about stuff or have babymaking sex instead of watching the blair witch project on Starz, or she should just write about airheads and strippers, the things she knows and is good at writing about. Don't get me wrong, she's not a bad writer, its just, she doesn't have alot of range, and people shouldn't encourage her to expand that range.

So in the end, is Jennifer's Body worth watching? I wouldn't say for all no, I would say it shouldn't be taken as anything more then a toss back to the sexploitation and slasher genres of the grindhouse era, or toted up with films such as Glitter and Honey, and however many other crappy star vehicles you can think of that were ment to capitalize on the star power and sex symbol status of whoever the main star is. I would say though, if you are intent on seeing it in a theater, wait about a month, after the film bombs it will be released to dollar theaters, because honestly, the film is only worth about 2 dollars of its ticket cost.

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Laz

Sometimes TV Gets It Right

Earlier in the day, word came down from the TV Gods at ABC Family, that the network notorious for canceling excellent programing for no reason, has almost redeemed itself in my eyes after the unjustly canceling of The Middleman, today, word came down from the evil lair that is Disney/ABC's media headquarters, that the fledgling series based off the film that is the 1990s biggest cult juggernaut, 10 Things I Hate About You, will get a second season. Word was sent out stating that ABC Family intends to air the remaining 10 episodes of the first season in January 2010, much to the rejoice of many.

As anyone that read my review will tell you, I was among the masses ready to pan this series to the depths of hell for treading such sacred ground, but like many others, i was soon eating my words as I watched the series progress, and found myself loving it, and excitedly looking forward to the next episode. I am overjoyed it was allowed a second go round, and I hope it garners a third as well, my only real hopes for once they start to film season three, they do two things; 1) as I have said before, expand to an hour long program, because once you start to get settled into it, its over, I know less is more, but come on, it can handle the hour long format, and 2) Find a role for the great Julia Stiles, her role in the original film as Kat Stratford defined and jumpstarted her career, and most of us who came of age to the original film would love to see her appear as a teacher, or an aunt to the Stratford girls or someone that makes expanded cast appearances. Personally, I'm hoping they could write her in as a Teacher or Aunt, because I would LOVE to see Julia and her signature role's new owner Lindsey Shaw try to out Kat each other, would be hilarious.

Sometimes the TV does indeed get it right. Today is a good day.


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Laz

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Glee



I've been putting off doing this review for abit, seeing as the pilot already aired on television back in April, but, I figure sense i've been doing this thing with soon to be appearing television series, I might as well do this one too, you know, to be fair, interesting side note, it seems the only pilots hitting the net so far are FOX, normally by now we've seen almost all of them and the shows that aren't gonna make it, but its still early... so we'll see how that goes...

Here is what Fox's website says on Glee:
From Ryan Murphy, the creator of "Nip/Tuck" and "Popular," comes GLEE, a one-hour musical comedy that follows an optimistic high school teacher as he tries to transform the school's Glee Club and inspire a group of ragtag performers to make it to the biggest competition of them all: Nationals.

McKinley High School's Glee Club used to be at the top of the show choir world, but years later, a series of scandals have turned it into a haven for misfits and social outcasts. WILL SCHUESTER (Matthew Morrison, Broadway's "Hairspray"), a young optimistic teacher, has offered to take on the Herculean task of restoring McKinley's Glee Club to its former glory with the help of fellow teacher EMMA PILLSBURY (Jayma Mays, "Ugly Betty"). It's a tall order when the brightest stars of the pitch-imperfect club include KURT (Chris Colfer), a nerdy soprano with a flair for the dramatic; MERCEDES (Amber Riley), a dynamic diva-in-training who refuses to sing back-up; ARTY (Kevin McHale, "Zoey 101"), a geeky guitarist who spends more time avoiding bullies than chasing girls; and TINA (Jenna Ushkowitz, "Spring Awakening"), an awkward girl who needs to suppress her stutter before she can take center stage.

Will's only hope lies with two true talents: RACHEL BERRY (Lea Michele, "Spring Awakening"), a perfectionist firecracker who is convinced that show choir is her ticket to stardom; and FINN HUDSON (Cory Monteith, "Kyle XY"), the popular high school quarterback with movie star looks and a Motown voice who must protect his reputation with his holier-than-thou girlfriend, QUINN (Dianna Agron), and his arrogant teammate, PUCK (Mark Salling).

Driven by his secret past, Will is determined to do whatever it takes to make Glee great again, even though everyone around him thinks he's nuts. He's out to prove them all wrong - from his tough-as-nails wife TERRI SCHUESTER (Jessalyn Gilsig, "Nip/Tuck") to McKinley's cheerleading coach SUE SYLVESTER (guest star Jane Lynch, "Best In Show," "Role Models") to an ?ber-hip world that thinks jazz hands and sequined tuxedos litter the road to infamy rather than pave the way to Hollywood dreams.

Featuring a soundtrack of hit songs from past and present, GLEE is produced by Ryan Murphy Television in association with 20th Century Fox Television. Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk and Ian Brennan are co-creators of the series. Murphy, Falchuk and Dante Di Loreto serve as executive producers, while Ian Brennan and John Kousakis serve as co-executive producers. Murphy directed the pilot.


Remember what I said last time out about how a show's press release isn't always what the show is about and how its just to give you an overview of the cast and who makes it? Thats half true here this outline is actually pretty true to the pilot, however honestly this doesn't really do the show justice, because I honestly believe its gonna be the winner in the race for best new series. Now to some that might be a bit of a jump, specially for a series that at the surface looks like another teen aimed fluff series, but, like "Gossip Girl" proved two years ago, and some could argue "10 Things I Hate About You: The TV Series" has done over this summer, even a show in that field can have some teeth and enough power to stay around on story, casting and content instead of starring "Generic Attractive Teenager A" and their "dreamy" eyes, Generic Attractive Teenager B" with their "perfect hair" and "Generic Marketed As A 16 Year Old Sex Symbol A" with her skin tight way to adult for her to be wearing clothing, and so on, you get the idea. The only difference between Glee and most of the other shows in its field, much like 10 Things, it doesn't really take itself seriously, it would rather poke fun at the stereotypes created by other shows in its field then to actually give in to them, I do love when a series is brave enough to break ranks that way, and when a network backs it fully for doing so.

For those of you that didn't see the pilot when it aired as a special in April, or haven't watched the streaming episode of it on Fox.com, or where in another country and not aware of it at all, here is a more indepth look at the plot..

Glee tells the story of high school teacher Will Schuester, he's a quiet, depressed, Spanish teacher that seems to have given up on ever becoming more then he really is at this moment, he has a wife named Terri who is very demanding and tends to be rather, forceful and vocal about how she wants to live and seems to not care much for what Will thinks of it, which doesn't really help much for Will's self esteem, the only things that seem to give Will any moniker of joy at all, is when he stands infront of the award case in the front of the school he works at, and looks at the awards for glee club from about 10 years before, Will seems to flash back to his days when he was in glee club and how happy it made him, and how he feels he's lost that. The other thing that makes him remotely happy, seems to be the scatter brained School counselor Emma Pillsbury, both Emma and Will both show noticeable attraction to each other, but seem to scared to ever actually make a move on it, infact its Emma, in one of their cute but awkward conversations, Will decides to resurrect the one thing that made him happy, he decides to restart Glee Club. After abit of bargaining with the principal, who mocks his idea and tells him its going to fail, he puts up a signing sheet and waits to see who signs up.

Given how little people sign up, everyone that tried out, gets into the group, the "gleeks" as they're called are as follows; Rachel Berry, a girl who's two fathers have claimed is destine to be a star, she believes in this so much that she will do whatever it takes, she states she's so committed to her path that she posts videos of her singing different songs on myspace every single day, she's repeatedly turned down by the Cheerleaders when she wants to join their quad and is mocked and bullied by other students who find her weird, given her overly peppy attitude, its infact Rachel that says the show's tag line "Being a part of something special makes you special, right?". She's then followed by, Artie Abrams, who is in a wheelchair who plays guitar and has friends in the Jazz Club. Tina Cohen-Chang, an asian girl that actually does a great version of Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl" when she first appears. Kurt Hummel, a sharp dressed young man who really has a great voice, even if he looks like he's 10. And Mercedes Jones, a fashion loving diva who thinks she's a superstar. she seems strong willed but really wants the club to work out. Now with the group in place, they try and get themselves together as a group, but it just isn't working, they're still missing something..

Thats when by chance, when trying to get new members by talking to the football team, Will discovers, that quarterback Finn Hudson, has an incredible voice, and after working hard to get him to give Glee a try, Finn has a flashback to how music has always been a part of his life, and how much he loves to sing it, he agrees to join the club, but doesn't tell his couch or his friends on the football team at first. With Finn, the group finally comes together, and finally finish their first number, which is surprisingly good. And after they go to check out a regional Glee competition, where they watch the reigning championship team do an amazing version of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab", they start to get abit scared, but Will, with the help of Finn and Rachel are able to get them to see they're good enough to beat the champs, their practice attracts the attention of Emma, who is overjoyed to see Will actually happy about something for once. When Will goes to the principal to ask for money to get some team uniforms and stuff, he runs afoul of Sue Sylvester, the insanely cut throat head of the Cheerleader Squad, she hates the idea of the glee club and wants to destroy it. At this point we also find out that Will's wife doesn't really like what he's doing, I'm assuming because she's a selfish bitch.

Eventually Finn's friends on the football team find out he had joined Glee, and after mocking him to the point where he decides to quit and focus on Football, he happens across his friends bullying Artie and Kurt, and after they demand he stuff Kurt into a portable toilet and knock it over, he realizes that he made the wrong choice, he refuses to do it, and when he's called a loser, he says the line that probably will define his character, "Don't you get it? Were all losers, everyone in this school. No, everyone in this town. Out of all the kids who graduate maybe half will go to college and two will leave the state to do it. I'm not afraid of being called a loser cause I can accept that that's what I am... But I am afraid of turning my back on something that made me happy for the first time in my sorry life.", he then tells them that he's not quiting football, or Glee Club, stating that both are going to win trophies that year, because he's good enough to do both, and both need him. He then picks up Kurt and wheels Artie off to reunite with the club, who then choose a group name, "New Directions", given that the group is a new direction for all of them.

At this point Will comes in and tells the group that he's decided to leave them, stating that its causing problems for him with his wife, after they all try and get him to stay, he leaves, saying they will be able to find someone else to watch over their group for them. Later Will happens across Emma who then tells him how she'd never seen him as happy as he was with those kids. He then decides to return, after he hears them practicing and it makes him smile, as he realizes just how good they really are. the group is rejoiced. The Pilot ends with Sue and Finn's girlfriend Quinn, the head cheerleader plotting how to get rid of the group.

Now for my thoughts on the pilot and the upcoming series? I think its gonna seriously be the runaway hit of the new shows this year, its got the right mixture of what just about every demographic could enjoy, and when you take into account that each show has eight songs, and that when you also add in that the cast was picked because of how they sound together as well as their acting, instead of their looks or some other lame crap, you seriously do have a future hit on your hands.

So if you haven't seen it yet, and you don't wanna wait till September, go over to Fox.com, or any of the many websites taht stream tv shows on the net, or find the torrent from when it aired last spring and have a look at the pilot to Glee, you probably won't regret it.


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Laz

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Sons of Tucson



Its that time of year again, when all the fall tv pilots start to leak out into the general population, and having already reviewed "The Cleveland Show" I figured I would keep that ball rolling by reviewing the upcoming series "Sons of Tucson", seeing as word got out today that the pilot is available on the internet.

Here is the official description from FOX.com:
In the tradition of "Malcolm in the Middle" and "The Bernie Mac Show," Sons of Tucson is a family comedy about three brothers who hire a charming, wayward schemer to stand in as their father when their real one goes to prison. What begins as a business relationship evolves into something more complex and compelling: a family unlike any we've ever seen. The three brothers find their dad-for-hire, Ron Snuffkin (Tyler Labine, "Reaper"), at the local sporting good store. Ron will be forced to draw on a wide array of skills and a vast bag of tricks as he steps into the patriarch role to take care of the boys of the Gunderson family. Robby Gunderson, 8, is a loose cannon who doesn't take garbage from anyone; Gary Gunderson (Frank Dolce, "Doubt"), 11, is a bright and street-savvy leader who is every bit the con man his father is; and Brandon Gunderson, 13, is a gentle free spirit who goes along for the ride.

While Sons of Tucson is grounded in the day-to-day challenges of a single-parent home, nothing in the Gunderson household is quite what it seems. An ongoing chess match between Ron and the boys will keep both parties on their toes, as neither side can afford to give up too much power or independence. Sons of Tucson is directed by three-time Emmy Award-winner Todd Holland ("Malcolm in the Middle," "The Larry Sanders Show") and produced by 20th Century Fox Television. Justin Berfield, Jason Felts, Harvey Myman and Todd Holland serve as executive producers. Tommy Dewey and Greg Bratman wrote the pilot.

Now, as is often the case with network synopses, don't take it at its word, often times a network will package a show to try and grab the viewers of former shows that they think it might appeal too, hence why it they reference two of their former shows, and how they mention Tyler's starring role on Reaper. It doesn't really tell you much of the show in general, but it tries to give you just a hint of what it is, so don't let that really be your judge.

Here is abit more descriptive plot outline of the series:

The Gunderson children are left on their own when their father is sent to jail for an investment banking scandal, after their mother leaves them alone to fend for themselves, they make their way from new jersey to Tucson Arizona, where their father owned a home and a large amount of cash that was kept hidden in case he was ever caught. Things are great for them, until it becomes time for them to start school again. There is only one issue, they need an adult to get them signed up for school. After what they say was a long time, they scope out and decide on a down on his luck guy who works at a sports store named Ron. Ron is a slacker, who lives in his car, owes money to thugs and will do anything to get out of work but still make money. After they work out a deal for him to pose as their dad, he agrees to help them for a fee of afew hundred dollars.

He signs the kids up at school and they pay him, he then tells them they need to pretend to be his kids so he can convince his grandmother to give him some valuable collectible figures he is going to sell to make the money he owes a local thug who keeps threatening him, the kids say they'll help him, but in the end, they just steal his car. He finds them at their house and after saying they really need him around, which the three dismiss and insult him on, he leaves with his car. After the youngest of the Gunderson boys blows up an outdoor fair, they show up again telling Ron they need his help again, and after they pay him they head over to the school where they go, Ron cons his way out of the boy being expelled from school, and tries to flirt with his teacher. As the show goes on through a series of events, the boys and Ron keep needing each other's help, and after realizing that it would be alot easier on all of them if they were to pay Ron and allow him to live in their home, or well, the shed out behind the house, the pilot ends after Ron's moved into their shed and has to go deal with the parents of a girl the youngest boy almost burned in his explosion.

Now see, the pilot isn't *BAD*, but its also *not good* either, there are alot of plot holes, mostly when and why the boy's mother left them, and why no one noticed when they went missing from New Jersey, or how they were able to travel across the country by themselves with no one reporting or noticing them. As well as how Ron, after stealing some young girl's bike apparently, was able to find where the boys lived, when they stated at the school earlier they walked from there to the school, there are afew other small issues, but nothing to really ruin the show I think.

So here is my biggest issue with this series, its good, it could go on to have a long run, but the problem is, we've seen it already. Its kind of like Malcolm In the Middle, but instead of the mother being a super bitch, its one of the children, infact all three of the Gunderson kids are alot like the boys on Malcolm, one is creepy and super hyper, the other is quiet and peaceful, and the other is angry and bossy, its an almost exact copy. And as for Ron, as a character he's great, but the thing is, Tyler Labine plays him EXACTLY like he played Sock on "Reaper", snappy pop culture references and slang, slacking off while everyone else does his job for him, even the boss at the store he works in is ALOT like his boss on Reaper. So like I said the show isn't a bad show, its pretty good in some spots and will probably have a nice run if FOX doesn't mess it up, its just nothing new, nothing different or fresh, its just reworking of winning concepts from other shows. I was just hoping it would be original, or atleast different in some way. But as I said, I think it'll do well, hopefully in the right timeslot, I was kind of hoping for the hour long format too, I've been saying this for years, the 30 minute comedy medium is dying out, very few non-formula three camera sitcoms remain, but still, I kind of hope they expand the show, it could actually save it at some point..

anyway, go check it out if you're interested, you might enjoy it.


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Laz

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Fun With Grindhouse Trailers

One of the best things about the Grindhouse era was the trailers, and I felt that for lack of anything else to do today, I'd post you all some to enjoy.. so get out that popcorn, put on some fresh to death 1970s gear, and get lost in the era of dollar theaters and drive ins...

Here we go....





















Fun Fact for those that haven't been paying attention, yes, that is my friend Maila Nurmi as Vampira, and "the walking dead" is the same man that played The Beast in "The Beast of Yukka Flats".






And finally, this is how they prevented teenage pregnancy in the 1960s...



Oh there are so many more, and I really should make this a weekly feature, but my god I can't stop laughing, my sides hurt so much from the laughing at just how bad some of these are. I guess thats what I hope you take away from this, even though there are some really bad and laughable movies out there in the Grindhouse Era, there are also alot of good ones too...


--

Laz

Thursday, August 6, 2009

RIP: John Hughes

John Hughes, the man that defined the 1980s by making, or having a hand in almost every single hit movie from that decade, passed away suddenly today, while having a morning walk in Manhattan where he was visiting family, John suffered what would become a fatal heart attack, he was 59 years old.

Hughes is always be remembered for creating such iconic films as Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Weird Science, and many others that defined the cinema of the 1980s, after that time, Hughes stepped back, and semi retired, having made his money and his place in movie history, he tended to his farm and his family, and would come out to support independent film whenever he felt his presence was needed.

He will be remembered for his work, for his contributions to the world, and most of all, how he taught two entire generations that sometimes, being the odd one that stands out from the crowd is the one who really is the coolest person of all.

I'm gonna miss you John. May you find peace in that big movie lot in the sky.

--

Laz

The Cleveland Show: Must Miss TV?



I have been debating for awhile know if i should actually do a review of this series, or if i should just let it speak for itself, and after sitting in a graveyard and then sitting by a pond where I skipped some rocks and had some antisocial guy thinking time, and I decided, that its best to do the right thing and tell the world just how horrible of a pilot episode this is.

Now let me state at the jump off, I am a very large fan of Family Guy, the series that has spun off The Cleveland Show. So I hope that no one mistakes my dislike of what I'm seeing here as disdain held over from the other show for some reason. Personally, I feel that even though Family Guy over uses jokes at times or repeats them, its still a quality well done comedy, that stands out from the crowd in ways most shows like it can't. So lets not get any misunderstandings alright?

Now, as any of you that are aware of Family Guy, are aware that Cleveland Brown is the middle aged black guy who hangs out with Peter and the Griffin Family and friends, he's a nice, slow speaking, easy going, relaxed guy, he doesn't let many things bother him, or get him down, he just needs to not take baths when Peter Griffin is doing his shenanigans, given that more then likely the front of his house will get destroyed and he'll end up on his front lawn. Cleveland has a son named Cleveland Jr. when when we last saw him was skinny and had ADHD, and he has a now ex wife named Loretta, with whom he's been separated from, for many of the Family Guy's seasons.

When The Cleveland Show starts, you find Cleveland in the local bar with his friends from Family Guy, as they sit around having a beer, he tells them his divorce is finalized, and he's lost his house to his ex wife Loretta. After asking his friends if he can stay with one of them and each coming up with a very lame excuse as to why he can't, he says "I understand..." he then goes home and takes a bath, and as happens whenever he takes a bath, Peter Griffin, who lives across the street and is the star of Family Guy, lights off a giant bottle rocket, that flies off, hits Cleveland's house and destroys the front of it, tilting his second floor bathroom's floor downward, and his tub, full of water and him, crashing to the front yard. After years of this happening, Cleveland finally has enough, says he's decided to leave town, and tells everyone he knows. Which makes them all sad and start to realize that they kind of have taken Cleveland for granted all these years.

The next scene shows us Cleveland's good bye party, where he tells everyone he's going to California, where his old baseball hitting coach Joe Torri has offered him a job as a talent scout for the his baseball team The LA Dodgers. Everyone expresses shock at this, not knowing Cleveland knew Torri, to which Cleveland points out that one of the reasons he's leaving is because of the fact no one seems to care or ask anything about him, they just expect him to go along for the ride on everyone else's misadventures, and that he feels its time he have some of his own. Everyone sees the point he's making and wish him luck at what he is planning to do with his life. The next scene is Cleveland and his son Cleveland Jr., who has now gone from skinny and ADHD to fat and talks slow and kind of muffled, muffled because apparently he's always eating something, are packed up and ready to leave for their cross country trip to a new life. After their good byes, which I guess will leave people saying "Good bye chocolate people" for awhile, they start driving.

This is the point where the theme song is played in the episode, I have to admit the theme song is kind of almost cute, but not enough to keep me singing it or coming back for more, infact, outside of the bits before Cleveland leaves for his new life, the theme is really the only thing that really made me laugh in this entire pilot.

After the theme, is when the speeding train derails and falls into the canyon of crap and fail below...

On their trip Cleveland and his son drive through Stoolbend Virginia, which happens to be Cleveland's hometown, which he only mentions in passing at first, they drive through the center of town, Cleveland and his son comment on how they still have a Woolworth's Department Store and comment on how they through they'd gone bankrupt years ago, leaving Cleveland to say "I guess no one bothered to tell them..". As they go, Cleveland starts to talk about his youth there, and decides to show his son the baseball trophies he'd won for the local high school. They stop at the school, Cleveland can't find the trophy case, so he goes to find someone to direct him to it, he is shocked to find his first love Donna, who is working at the high school. They talk and Cleveland discovers she's a recently separated, and that she has two children with Cleveland's former best friend, and Donna's soon to be ex husband Robert. After some flashbacks that show how Cleveland always took care of her and was nice to her, while Robert was always taking credit for all the good Cleveland did for Donna, Cleveland decides he's going to atleast try and tell her how he's always felt about her.

Cleveland and his son show up at Donna's house for dinner that night, thats where they meet Donna's neighbors, Lester the redneck, Holt the wanna be 80s style hipster, and Tim, the Russian sounding bear that wears a shirt and tie and works in an office. Lester is a skinny jean vest wearing, missing tooth having redneck who seems to always carry a shotgun and to stupid to notice that Donna is black, but shoots at Cleveland and his son then says "hey Donna, there were some black fellers on your lawn....." followed by "oh wait, they're with you... and you're black." or something, Holt is a short man with a Brooklyn like accent and feels the need to make up for his short size with always having expensive gadgets and a fancy car, he also seems to not like to tell people he lives with his mother. Tim is a Russian sounding bear with a smoking habit and the need to mock humans that get frightened at the fact he's a bear, he has a son and a wife, who I'm assuming are also bears, you know, because bestiality is a frowned on in most places. From here we meet Donna's two kids, her teenage daughter Roberta, who apparently is strong enough to "fight off six Al-Qaeda's" which seem to ambush her at random times, and we also meet Donna's son Rallo, who is five years old, has a large afro and seems to say whatever comes to his mind. After dinner, Cleveland decides to take Donna up on her offer to let them stay for afew days, this allows Cleveland to put his plan to tell her how he feels into action, and to also show her that he's a good male role model, he helps out both of her children, teaching Rallo how to "play it cool" so no one notices him misbehaving, and puts he puts the fear of god into Roberta's boyfriend, a white kid named Federline Jones, who seems to be under the impression he's actually black. On their last day there, Cleveland discovers that Donna's ex, Robert has come back to try and make things work, this finally makes Cleveland lose his temper and after he yells at Robert and tells him he's not good enough for Donna and tells her all the things Robert used to make him do and then take credit for, Donna decides to stay with Cleveland, telling him she loves him and was waiting for him. The episode ends with them getting married and Cleveland saying "I might not be a major league talent scout, but I think i hit me a home run.." followed by his trademark laugh.

Now, see, here is my thing, it isn't that its a *bad* show per say, so much as its mostly things we've seen over and over again before. Its the same concept as Family Guy, just with different characters, and alot of times the same jokes too. Now I don't mind running or recurring jokes and skits, if they're done right they're very funny and never lose their charm, its just, why do we need another program thats doing them? If we're getting enough of them with Family Guy, why do we really need the exact same jokes on a show that is basically Family Guy but with a black family? Atleast American Dad writes its own material. But this, seems kind of like, for lack of a better term Bizzaro Family Guy, and well, I don't know if thats really so much funny as it is lazy on the writers parts.

I guess this pilot is different then the final product, and I guess this doesn't include the Pennyapples, a British family that lives next door and lives as if its Victorian era england, who are supposed to be part of the show as well, but even still, the joke that all British people live in that era is already been used on Family Guy as well, so its really just using the same jokes over and over in that respect till.

I just don't know, I'll give the show a chance, but I have to say its not looking like its gonna be all that great. Though I could be wrong, last year's pilot for the American take on "Life On Mars" was a total bomb, so much so the network ordered a completely new pilot and recasting, and then the redone pilot premiered, I loved it. So who knows? but, really I'm still not holding out alot of hope here.


--

Laz

Friday, July 31, 2009

10 Things I Hate About You: The Television Series

Its hard to find anyone who was a teenager in the 1990s who doesn't remember, or have atleast a vague awareness of the film "10 Things I Hate About You", which next to "Can't Hardly Wait" is considered by many to be the definitive teen movie of the 1990s, in a sense, our Breakfast Club, or Grease, or whatever teen aimed movie from whatever decade you were a teenager that looking back is still awesome, but also in the words of the great sage Phillip J. Frye, makes you feel ways about stuff. As a film 10 Things had everything you would need to remember the decade after the 1980s, snappy pop culture based slang, pop friendly but still enjoyable soundtrack, a parent thats trying to be hip and failing, and all the Julia Stiles being awesome that we can handle. Oh and ontop of all that, its important because its the film that launched the career or a certain recently dead too soon actor by the name of Heath Ledger. As a film, it really is one of the most enjoyable movies I can recall from my teen years, which i think is why when I read awhile back that ABC Family was going to turn the film into a tv series 10 years after the movie was made, I kind of did a knee jerk twinge reaction to the idea. I started to run through my head all the changes they'd probably make to give it a more "current" feel, I had horrible images of well cast and distinctive to each social group they are ment to be cast members being reworked to fit painfully untalented actors and actresses that look like whatever teenage actors were "hot" right now, and dreaded the idea of the replacement of the main characters Kat Stratford and Patrick Verona with Twilight style lookalikes to be "current" with what kids are "into". My fears weren't really helped by the fact ABC Family kept the casting details and plot and stuff super secret until it was just about ready to air the series. Which really was a great move on their part given the outcry about the series once it was announced. Curiosity and word of mouth really are the best promotional tools.

I must say, once I saw the series, I was actually relieved. All my fears and concerns about miscasting and gross working of the plot and the characters, much like what happened when Buffy The Vampire Slayer was made from an obscure Kristy Swanson comedy into a sci fi drama, they all went away. Oh sure, there are afew things that are different, but not really anything I'd say will take away from the over all enjoyment of the program itself. I was actually very relieved to find that 10 minutes into the pilot, I was actually laughing, not that "haha" small laugh, I'm talking actual laughter. The script, though not award winning comedy, was both current and real enough that you would believe the dialog if you were to hear it out on the street, it doesn't sound forced or hacked together by lazy writers, it actually very well written and genuinely funny. The casting is as close to the original cast in style, feel, and personality, with Larry Miller returning to his role as Walter Stratford, the father of the two main characters, Kat and Bianca Stratford. Larry is still hilarious in the role 10 years later, which I personally love, and though the rest of the cast, except for two, are basically refugees from Disney made kids programing and television movies, which is fitting sense half the cast of the original were culled from ended Nickelodeon programs aimed at the same age group, they really are a great mixture and well cast. I've always been a staunch supporter of the right actor for the right role, I guess someone in production is too, thankfully.

About 3 episodes in, I actually found myself wondering if they gave these kids a dvd of the film and told them to study their character, because it starts to get to the point the resemblance between the film and the series are almost strikingly perfect, like to the point you wonder if its gonna fall apart. Lindsey Shaw, formerly of a canceled too soon favorite of mine Aliens in America, stars as Kat Stratford, taking over the signature role of Julia Stiles, Lindsey gets all of the things that make Kat stand out perfect, her constant need to stand up for things, and rattle the status quo, her condescending at times intelligence, all of it, I'm left wondering if Lindsay grew up watching the film and knew exactly how to play Kat. Meaghan Jette Martin takes over the role of Bianca Stratford, who really isn't that hard to play, Bianca is still clueless, airheaded, self centered and obsessed with popularity and being popular, only this time, Bianca isn't the head cheerleader who everyone wants to be friends with, she's the girl trying to become popular by mimicking the most popular girl in school, Chasity Church, where in the film Chasity was the one trying to be like Bianca. Chasity in the series is probably the one cast member that is almost a twin of her movie counterpart, played by Dana Davis who most will remember as Monica Dawson from the second season of the series Heroes, she is almost an exact double of Gabrielle Union, who played her in the film, ironically dressed to look like Union's character from the first "Bring It On" film, this time out Chas is the snooty, snobby, spoiled rich girl that controls the school in general, most are afraid of her and the fits she's known to have at times. The rest of the cast is well done as well, Ethan Peck, the grandson of Gregory Peck, does a great job as Patrick Verona, which is a pretty big task given that he's stepping into the shoes of a man that most of us from the 1990s saw as the next greatest actor ever, thankfully he brings his own take to the role, not just mimicking Heath's portrayal, which i find healthy. I rather enjoy Nicholas Braun's take on Cameron James, the guy who is trying to get Bianca to notice him better then how he was played in the movie, its more realistic and also not done by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, whom I just hate ever so much. The secondary cast members are just great as well, though i am abit sad they didn't ask of the original cast members to appear as teachers, I think that would have been a nice homage of sorts.

The show does have afew changes from the movie, the Stratfords have just moved to the city from Ohio, in the film Cam had just moved there and is trying to fit in while trying to get Bianca to notice him. In the show, Kat's best friend, Mandella is an overweight asian looking graffiti artist who is more then welling to help Kat in all of the things she does, in the film she's a skinny blond girl that is fixated on the works of William Shakespeare. and afew other minor things to adapt for television I'd assume, but nothing that really be that big of an issue for anyone that watched the film to deal with.

I will however point out that at this point there are two things I find negative about the series, there seem to be, at this point, no references to the work of William Shakespeare, which were throughout the whole film giving that it was a modern take on his "Taming of The Shrew". I can accept that there are none, but it does leave me alittle let down. And secondly, the plot of the film itself has been completely ignored, there is no reference to the fact Bianca can't date unless Kat is dating, there is no plot that involves Patrick being paid to take Kat out so that Bianca can date, the relationship between Kat and Patrick happens by general curiosity and attraction that both are to stubborn to admit, instead the show focuses on both Stratford girls separately, Bianca as she tries to become popular, and how it always includes Cam doing her dirty work for her, and Kat and Patrick in a rather well done mindgame where they try to not admit they're fixated on each other, the only time the two stories interact is either at home, or when Kat gets in trouble for doing something to one of the popular kids. Its not the exact same thing as the movie, but I don't mind the change in plot much, though I'm sure others might have issue with that.

My main thing with this series is, it grows on you. As I stated at the beginning, I wanted to hate it, I wanted to hate the crap out of this and down it like it was some horrible entertainment abortion thats creators should have been shot in the middle of a public square for all to see, but for the life of me, I just can't do that. I find myself actually enjoying the program, sure its not gonna win any awards any time soon, but i don't care, its actually a decently made program. I explained it recently to a friend as a show i see playing out like the series "my name is earl", it will never be the number one comedy series on television, but it doesn't have to be, I see it lasting afew years, being a dependable viewership getter, and will probably fade into the background. And really i think thats enough for the series to do. Its generally enjoyable, and fun to watch, and I hope it continues to be that way for afew years. So, if you haven't seen this yet, give it a shot, you probably will be surprised.



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Laz

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Fixing American TV

There seems to be a misunderstanding among the people of hollywood's boardrooms, well to be fair there are many, but the one that stands out the most is that they believe that given other countries are literally shoveling them truckloads of American dollars to air their programing internationally, they feel we must be the best at producing television. They assume that because we pioneered and innovated so much in the field, and that our programing becomes “international hits” more often then not, they believe that what they are doing, and what they are producing is excellent, quality programs. When in truth, when compared to programing from around the world, in content, production, quality of acting and writing, things like that, American television most of the time falls short of the mark, and in more then afew cases falls so short of the mark you have to wonder if anyone even attempted to aim for the target in the first place. You see, the problem with it all is, American Television Executives are completely out of touch with those who they are aiming their product at. They seem to be completely unable to reach the common everyday person with 90% of their programing, and the 10% of the time where they do, its either rammed down our throats until we vomit it back up at them, or is canceled after one season, sometimes not even that, you see, it doesn't matter to a network that fans rave about a show, or that critics rave about a show, all they care about is how much money they can make off a program based off how many people are watching it. Because thats their bottom line, to those who dictate what is put on the air these days, money they can make off of something, is all they care about. They no longer care about innovation or quality, all they care is that we will sit down infront of our televisions and watch, they don't really care what they air, as long as you are on your couch watching whatever they put infront of you, no matter how lackluster or mediocre a lot of it is.

Now, don't get me wrong, when we here in America produce a show that goes international and becomes a hit, about three and a half out of five times, its deserving, the rest of the time you end up with mostly badly written programs that are a hit here for some reason, and people internationally clamor for only because they hear the buzz about it coming from our magazines and websites and the like, because lets face it, the American Hype Machine is unmatched the world over, after all, its how horrible excuses for famous people like Paris Hilton and that guy from Twilight keep their faces posted all over every news stand the world over. People in general, myself included, have a habit of keeping up with things just because they feel if they don't their friends will look at them odd for being clueless when talking about whatever they watched the night before, anyone thats ever watched any of the many reality shows the world over know exactly what I'm talking about, no one wants to be that person that gets confusing looks because they didn't watch whatever over the top serious drama or reality show was on the night before, no one wants to be the odd person out, we all feel we need to be in the loop on stuff like that, its important to us all, the whole common ground thing and all that, if we can't relate to what our friends are talking about, then we feel we're left out or will be left out. Its funny because we all know that its not supposed to matter or effect us, but we all know it does, and will continue to do so, simply because we as people care about what others think of us and what we watch. Network boardroom executives call it “Buzz Factor” and count on this to get as many people watching as possible which brings in higher prices for add space, infact many times they blatantly play off of it as a means of making money by making you think you are seriously missing out, buzz factor is what keeps shows like “Lost” and “Law and Order” on the air regardless of if most claim they've become tired lumbering almost parodies of themselves and what they stand for or not.

So the question still remains, how do we fix American Television? Well, there are afew ways, none of which are really all that simple, but at the same time, not all that complicated, they're abit time consuming, but, as the old saying goes, “If something is worth doing, its worth taking the time to do it right.”.

The steps to Fixing American Television is as follows...

Understand Your Subject Matter: take the time, hire writers that are aware of the subject matter they are writing about, look outside of the normal 30 or 40 guys that write on television, look for someone unknown if you have too, but no matter what, find writers that actually are knowledgeable on what they're writing, you can't write a comedy with people that have been writing cop dramas for the last 10 years, and you can't write a drama with sitcom writers it just doesn't work. Example: If you are writing a science fiction series about vampires, that is going to attract many different types of views given how vampires are viewed in today's popular culture, now thats all well and good, but, here is the catch, there are so many different types of belief on vampires out there, and you don't want to exclude one group or favor another because that will make you lose those viewers, so what do you do? You go out and hire one writer who is knowledgeable in each of the different beliefs on the matter and they all work together to mesh the different types together as one, sure there will be some that hate the aspects they don't believe or agree with on the matter, but, they'll still watch the series for what they do enjoy, which is probably as close to enjoyable as you'll get with some fans, especially in certain sci fi niches, where people can become angered and out and out rude and spiteful over certain things. If you need farther proof of this fact, go look at a comic book forum whenever a movie or television show based on a comic book comes out, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.

Now I'm not saying, you need to simply aim at pleasing a niche of fans, obviously the goal of any series is to bring in as many viewers as possible, but what I'm saying is, more people will watch your program if you are aware of, and respectful, to what the subject matter is. Another example; afew years ago there was a series called “Over There” which was based on the current Iraq “war”, it was violent, it was gritty, and it didn't exactly show the united states army in the most holy and pure of lights, it was realistic and true to its subject matter, and though that brought controversy and eventually an undeserving cancellation after only one season, the ratings were so far through the roof it was almost criminal watching this show slaughter anything else in its timeslot. Now, what made this possible is, 3 of the writers on the show, and the show's “Creative Consultant” were former military personnel who had either served in the 1991 Occupation of Iraq or in the case of their consultant, not even home from Iraq just about 18 months before being hired for the job. The show did gain a lot of praise and a lot of hate for its realistic depiction of what things were like over there, but the final facts on the matter are, even though its realism was its downfall, people still to this day 4 years after it was taken off the air talk about it, and how true it really was. Love it, hate it, or not even remember it, all that matters really is, that the firestorm that followed that program, came because the writers knew exactly what they were doing and what they were writing about. Its proof positive that knowledge of subject matter will make a show great.

Cast Your Series Correctly: This has to be one of my biggest issues with television here in America, they don't want to cast for the character, they want to cast to find someone that looks like someone that is already a star, or who has a look that could make them a star. They don't think about the character or the acting ability, they just think about the marketing, and personally I kind of see that as a kick in the crotch to viewers. Its like saying “We aren't strong enough as writers to write a series that you will find enjoyable, so instead, here is an actress who looks like whoever the super hot actress everyone is going nuts for on the internet, we will write around dressing her in sexy clothing and put her in as many vaguely sexual situations as possible just so you will not notice our lackluster attempt at writing.”. They do the same thing with men on shows aimed mostly at women too, except in those cases you can spot the guy their trying to do with with by the fact he's normally wearing an unbuttoned shirt or no shirt for atleast one scene per episode.+ Now some people might think its silly to say that correct casting is important to a tv show, but, you see, no matter how you look at it, casting is the corner stone of any series, it can make or break one. Here in the states a role is cast do to how well they can market them if they become popular, it doesn't matter if the actor or actress can actually act, or more is believable as the role, all they care about is if they can stick you on a poster or a lunch box, or whatever other useless bovine excrement they slap your image on. See, your characters need to be as believable as your plot and your over all story, two years from now, a thin Paris Hilton looking blonde idiot might not seem as great a character on a “fresh and hip” teen aimed drama, that would work on a comedy, where as people would just assume you're making fun of Paris, but you get the idea, you need to think ahead instead of looking at whats outside your door.

You also need to learn what “average” is, more times then not, a character is described as “an average everyday person” or something or another, and yet, they look like the spend all the time they aren't working for a delivery service with an angry fat midget that runs the dispatch, working out in a gym. I'm sorry, I understand the need to make things look “pretty” for television, but take a really good look around at the casting of people in other countries, on other nation's programs, they don't all look that way, you have a nice mixture, much like you would in any average place here in the states. When foreigners watch our programing, many don't understand why on television, Americans are all in excellent shape and attractive, when the average American isn't, that isn't saying that we're all fat and ugly, I just mean that looking at statistics the average American isn't what we see on television, its a falsity. Other countries cast their programs accordingly to how people look where they are, and it pays off. Example; if the Canadian series “Trailer Park Boys” was made here in the states, I doubt that the characters that appear in the series would look as they do, Bubbles, who has thick glasses, lives in a shed with kitties and spouts wisdom wouldn't look as he does, Randy the shirtless trouble making assistant supervisor wouldn't look the same, nor would main characters Ricky and Julian, or the girls, or well the whole cast really. Someone in an American network boardroom would say “these don't look like what we want Americans to think are your average everyday people” or something, and they'd be changed to pretty people who look good on posters and things, except Bubbles, he would be made into a nerd that spends to much time on the internet and constantly spouts off quotes from various cult classic movies. Yeah, the idea of a show like that scares me, but you get the idea, American networks seem scared to cast realistically, if we're to survive and bring our product up in value, we need to get over the “only pretty people on TV” stigma we have here, and do what the rest of the world has done, try and cast our shows so they fit more with how our people really look, so they can identify with them.

Stop Making Formula Sitcoms: I can not stress this one enough, the writers on American television programs have become lazy and unimaginative, and just recycle the same plots and the same episodes over and over again, either on the same program or on different ones that follow the same formula. There is no creativity anymore, and it just has become so painful to watch as this circle repeats over and over and over, its been happening sense before I was born, and it will be happening long after I am dead unless someone stops it. It was once said to me, the sitcom killed television comedy, and in a sense thats true, before sitcoms came along, there were actual comedy series on television, which were filmed infront of live studio audiences, which ment the laughter, was real laughter, there were no signs saying to laugh or cheer or clap, people just did it because they wanted too, because the character was someone they all cared about or because the jokes were actually funny. Now most shows are closed set and the laughter is added in later with what they call “canned laughter”, which pretty much tells you when a joke is ment to be funny. I don't want some moron with a sound effects board to tell me when to laugh, or what should be funny, I want to decide for myself. And I want writers to come out from behind their hiding spots at their desks and own up for how they've done nothing but prostitute themselves for the sake of claiming they wrote on a certain television show, it happens this way in drama too, more so actually, where they try and make everything all super high tone drama all the time, but its just not. Though were a drama can sneak by with the guise of it being ment to be super dramatic, a sitcom can not.

And example of why the “American Style Sitcom” does not work; back in the mid-1990s, New Zealand's then fledgling network TV3 wanted to branch into comedy, so they hired some American sitcom writers and producers to come over and make a sitcom for them, the end result was the series “Melody Rules” which not only is seen as the worst comedy that was ever made in New Zealand, but also is seen as one of the worst sitcoms ever made in the entire world, it actually ranks number 4 on the international all time worst list, it used to be number 3 but was recently moved to its current standing do to an american made sitcom that aired and was promptly canceled ranking above it. The fact that the top three worst comedy programs ever made are american and follow this formula doesn't seem to bother anyone amazingly.. Melody Rules followed the “American Formula” which to those that don't know means this; three cameras to film, very few sets normally a living room/lounge room where most of the show happens, a kitchen, a bedroom, and maybe a hallway or front or back porch, everyone has a catchphrase, there is atleast one “wacky neighbor”, you hear people on the phone or references are made, but you never see them, and no one talks about anyone else they know that is not either part of the main cast or the extended cast and if they do, its because this person who they've known for however many years is going to appear in that episode and then never appear again or be mentioned, they are in a sense in their own little bubble, oh and they use canned laughter instead of live reaction. Melody Rules lasted two seasons, but most claim that was because they didn't want to give up on the show right away, given their lack of a replacement series for its timeslot. When asked why they disliked the program, the general response was that it seemed fake and cheaply made, they seemed to have no real point of plot, and were just poorly written and poorly conceived. This doesn't say that all sitcoms are bad, there has been a rise in recent years in one camera ones that are pretty good, one camera meaning they aren't bound to one location, they can go anywhere and its just needing one camera staying with the characters to film it, plus with those, the world seems more rich and believable because you aren't stuck in a living room or a kitchen all the time, you're able to roam and meet others, and have a big rich cast of extended players, this, though still using absurd plots, makes it seem more realistic and allows you to believe these people aren't just in a bubble where nothing ever happens except what goes on in that main room.

Do Not Use Ratings To Judge A Show's Worth: Its a hard cold fact, more times then not, ratings kill a program long before it should end. See, unlike other countries, which are willing to let a show air for its complete ordered run and maybe a second series, or season, or whatever it is they call first run programing where you are, just to see how much can be done with it, and allow it to properly set up its world and those who live in it, here in America we don't seem to believe in that concept, we believe that if the ratings aren't to a certain level, its not worth the time to air the program, and that we could just replace it with something else, or a rerun of something else in its timeslot till something can be found to fill that space. We seem to forget some programs start out slow and build up steam near the end of their first season, or the beginning of their second one or later. Some stories and characters take time to properly develop and build to what we're expecting them to be before the show can be as great as we're told it can be. Seinfeld was that way, I don't know how many people realize that after its first year Seinfeld was canceled, it was brought back after some boardroom politics and went on to become the series that so many claim to be one of the best comedies ever put on television, in a similar vain Fox's Family Guy was canceled for almost three years, only to come back and become a behemoth of sorts in the world of animated comedy. But in a world where so often you're given just afew weeks to attempt and find and gain a fanbase, cases of that nature are very few and far between, these days at best you can hope for would be a miniseries that concludes everything for you like the series Jericho had recently, or a direct to video finale like the series Prison Break. Or in the case of Guiding Light, the longest running non-news or sports program in american history, you'll just get an end, no real send off, no real fanfair, nothing, just shutting down the set. I mean I'm no fan of a soap opera, but come on, after 63 years or something, you're gonna just up and cancel a program because of numbers? Thats nuts.

More times then not in this day and age, the voices the networks should be listening too, are ignored, what the critics say and more importantly what the people say, a lot of times is completely ignored, and instead the over night and weekly ratings are all that matter. Now, I can understand to some degree where they might dismiss those like me in the critic field, but when you completely dismiss the voice of the viewers? That just seems like idiotic to me, the viewers are what matters, the viewers have all the power in this industry, they are the ones sitting infront of the television to watch a program, that means they are really all that matters. And if you ignore their voices, and just keep churning out spin offs and rehashes of the same thing over and over again, eventually they will leave you. Think about it, why do you think there are so many police and law shows out there? American Networks don't care about giving a program time to grow, to find its place, two perfect recent cases of this were the great dramatic comedy series “Reaper” which was poorly advertised but was incredibly fun to watch and loved by critics and fans, and the american take on the british series “Life On Mars” which, though very well made and well written, might have strayed from its concept slighty, though to be honest, I found it abit more enjoyable then its original version, both were great programs, that had slightly slow starts, and ended up being canceled because of it. Apparently averaging 2.5 million viewers per week isn't good enough to keep a program going, shame that. Also, just because a large amount of viewers appear for a pilot or a movie that will become a tv series, does not mean they are going to always be there, curiosity factor is huge in ratings, and how we end up with piles of crap like the 2008 version of Knight Rider.

Have Faith In Your Programing: This one is sort of a secondary to the ratings one, but is just as important. Sometimes, a television series will go through a small creative slump, sometimes it lasts half a season, sometimes it lasts a whole one, sometimes it lasts afew, but the point is, that doesn't make a tv show bad, its just in a ratings fueled world, a slump puts a target on your back in the entertainment business. Its natural that after a while, a show will have a small slump in writing, after afew years writers get alittle tired, and alittle creatively tapped and are in need of a refill on their creativity, this happens with all tv shows, its the nature of the beast as they say. But that doesn't mean you give up on them. A network should have enough faith in what they are airing that it shouldn't mark a show's demise when it has a slight slump in ratings, if it was always the case that once your ratings go down you're done, iconic series like Gunsmoke, Bonanza, M.A.S.H, All In The Family, Cheers, The Flintstones, and The Simpsons, wouldn't have lasted as long as they did, each and every one of them, to some degree had a slump in ratings, where they'd go from top 10 programing, to top 20, and finally round out somewhere in the top 50 for a time, but they would eventually power back, in most cases they'd do this cycle repeatedly. Infact in the case of The Simpsons, FOX Network owner Rupert Murdoch has stated that the show will only end when those that make the show feel its time to end it, and that he keeps it on to prove a point, that if you're good to your shows, they'll be good to you. Which is kind of ironic because FOX is one of the biggest offenders of canceling a program to do ratings. But my point is, if more networks had enough faith in a program to stick with it through the good times and the bad, and see it through to the light once again, we would have a lot more programs that are of good quality and of good standing with all aspects of the business, specially in a time when making 10 years is a big thing, let alone soon to be 21 years that The Simpsons have been on.

Less Reality Programing: Now, Reality TV is some pretty tricky water to traverse, and before you get the wrong idea, I'm not saying all reality series have to go, there just comes a point when enough is enough. Sure, we all have our own guilty pleasure reality tv shows, there isn't a person alive thats not watched atleast one episode of Survivor, or 3 minutes of the Real World, I have a friend in the UK thats like, super way into Big Brother, I personally am a huge Hell's Kitchen and Extreme Make Over: Home Edition fan, and I'd be abit hypocritical to shout down all reality television when I personally know some of the cast of Ghost Hunters and Ghost Hunters International. But despite all of the good programs out there that are reality, there is a whole lot of bad ones out there too. Mostly in the “reality game show” market, which in itself is a kind of slippery slope a lot of times, where the good is lost to the background for horribly bad dating game shows like “The Bachelor” and all the rehashes of that, or the ones where they put former or minor celebrities in horribly idiotic situations and record as they whore themselves out for prize money. Reality Television has become the last stop before you fall off the entertainment grid forever, its become a freakshow of sorts, anyone that doesn't understand what I mean by that, google a series called “There's Something About Miriam” and you'll understand exactly what I'm saying about reality tv.

Shorter Seasons Make For Quality Programing: I have said this so many times, quantity, does not always lead to quality when it comes to television, infact 9 out of 10 times it leads to failure. In every other country, and on both subscription and non subscription channels that do original programing here in the states, the most you'll see your average television series is between 10 to 13 episodes a year, sometimes more then that, sometimes less, depends on the show, the network all that. Now this isn't done for cost reasons, though cost does help, its done simply because it allows the writers time to come up with good quality unrushed scripts, that don't rehash or retread things they've already done, or were done by others. It allows them time to carefully write out and create great programing that people will wait all year, or in afew cases over a year, for. This works for the network's favor in two ways, first, you can allow your writers time to come up with the best programming you can for their timeslot, there is a very little pressure situation when you only need 13 episodes of gold instead of 26 episodes, of which 13 or so are gold and the rest is just filler, and secondly, it keeps a buzz going for your series, people knowing they'll have to wait like a year or half a year to see how a storyline progresses, that wait factor and the buzz it causes in a fanbase is the greatest form of promotion possible, its free, its honest, and its truly what the fans are saying, all the magazine adds, television spots, and whoring out of your female cast won't get you the kind of buzz word of mouth does. Plus, 13 episodes a year is cheaper then 26, the money they're saving, could fund another program that might have been great, but passed on because they couldn't find room on a schedule or something, which would be great, because I can't count the amount of times programs have been killed before they ever got the chance to air. I still am upset for shows like Babylon Fields, Pretty Handsome and Global Frequency among countless others that looked so well done, and such good ideas, but were killed because there was no place on the programming schedule for them, with 13 episode per season shows, there could be a chance things like that never happen again.

And my final point i'll make, given that this is kind of becoming a longer list then I wanted it to be in that start, is as follows....

Dissolve The FCC: Next to the RIAA and the MPAA, the FCC is the most harmful organization in entertainment, originally designed as a governing body in the early days of broadcasting as a government run organization that sort of acted like a police force for, at the time radio, it was created to regulate and monitor and keep in line localized and nationally broadcast radio programs, back in the days when american radio wasn't a joke, it was basically a way to witch hunt communists and other groups who were deemed subversive and “a threat to our freedom” by instilling none of them are able to get on the radio and reach the masses. Over the years its broadened its hold to include television as well as radio, and, by most accounts, is the single largest reason why american television has lost its way. The FCC seems to feel its their job to tell networks what is and isn't ok to air, in a sense, censoring content, which, I find very odd, given that each network has their own internal censors called “Standards and Practices”, who's job it is to regulate the nature of content aired on their network. Why we need a Federal organization that does this even after standards and practices has gone through a program, and simply just nitpicks and waters down each thing they show, is anybody's guess really. It all seems slightly redundant to me, if you have an inhouse censor who is versed in the rules of broadcast, who goes through each episode with a fine toothed comb before it airs, looking for anything at all they find questionable and with the new rating system we have here that clearly marks a program's intended viewer group, then why do we need a group like the FCC who really don't seem to do any good at all, and infact, a lot of times will go against their own written rules, I wonder just how many people are aware of The Safe Harbor / Watershed Laws out there.

The Safe Harbor / Watershed Laws are the laws that dictate what content can be shown after what time at night, as the night gets later, we're allowed to do more, these are the laws that let words like “bullshit” and “asshole” be used in dramas after 9pm at night, as well as in the past allowed for naked human rears, and I quote directly here, “side boob” meaning a woman's breast but seen from the side. Basically as far as the time frame goes, by 1am EST, there are no real limitations on what you can air content wise, this is why a lot of cable stations air “uncut” or “uncensored” versions of films at that time of night. Its funny though, even when we know that we're allowed, by law, to say certain words and show certain things after a certain time, the major non-pay networks are still pressured by means of threats of fines and being put off the air, to ignore these laws, and air the same “safe” programing they do otherwise. No one that I have asked in the industry really understands why this is done, but they all know it is. Its just one of the many things the FCC does that people find questionable. And what scares me the most, they've been doing it sense the beginning of television, if not longer, because, well, there aren't a lot of records remaining from the early days of radio, so we can't really guess.

So really, what good does the FCC do now that each network has its own internal monitoring group and willingly submits to its own clearly marked rating system? It does absolutely nothing. It just hinders people, as it always has, and most of its hindering has seemed puzzling in reason. Example, during the early 1950s, the FCC took up issue with now american classic series “The Dick Van Dyke Show”, first complaining about, and I kid you not, young Mary Tyler Moore, who played Dick's wife, wearing “skirts that were tight enough to show more female bottom then they believed wholesome”, when they would later fix this idiotic complaint by allowing Mary to wear pants, they then complained that “women don't wear pants, men do.”. I kid you not, these were their actual claims. They lost the pants issue when the entire female staff of the network showed up for work one day where the FCC was there to discuss it, and they all wore pants. Ironically, not long after this, “I Love Lucy” appeared, and both Lucy and Ethel would wear pants from time to time, many saw this as a jokingly supportive stab at the FCC. There are many other incidents like these, most recently, “nipplegate” as its called, where singer Janet Jackson flashed a nipple on international television for less then 0.7 seconds, the FCC used this incident to go on a media witch hunt of sorts, laying most of its brunt down on radio DJ Howard Stern, though, I'm not exactly sure how an incident that happened on television would lead to issues for radio, but I guess in their minds it was allowed. Anyway, you get my point, the FCC is a joke, its become nothing more then an interest group out to govern what we watch and what we see to their own personal likes and dislikes. Which is wrong, no one group should be allowed to force its ideas on anyone else, regardless of who they are. They're on par with religious radical groups like you read about in the news with their beliefs and really should be taken out of power. Plus, they're watering down and changing of our television programs is the number one thing keeping us from being able to compete with the other countries in quality.

And now, with all of those things said, I leave you with one final thing...

I understand that a lot of people won't agree with my ideas, and thats fine, its your right to do so and I respect that, but even if you don't agree with all of my ideas, think about them, just try to picture them in practice, and if you don't agree still, then I respect your right to think that way. I am just a man who wishes to make a medium he loves just abit better then its becoming, thats all.

I thank you for your time

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Laz