The 80th Academy Awards Rant

Ok so last night was the 80th Academy Awards Presentation, which as you all know is basically one of the 8 or so times a year that Hollywood gets to give itself one big public masturbation session in front of the world. Sure, in their 80 years, they've gotten the awards right about 60% of the time, but still, its basically just hollywood giving itself a reach around for no reason. And this year to a point was no exception.

The show was hosted by John Stewart, who for some reason that I'm not really aware of at this moment in time, forgot to be funny, it was kind of like watching a Steve Martian movie, but live. This alarmed me abit, because well, John Stewart is normally really funny, maybe he couldn't do exactly what he wanted? who knows, i guess everyone's allowed to have an off day.

The show itself, well as to be expected, it was one big public wanking for mostly lackluster movies that left me sitting here wondering just what was going on with these people that come up with winners for these things, it really just boggles the mind sometimes, it really does. There were some smart choices, no country cleaning up was awesome, but most... seriously what the hell?

Lets break afew of them down shall we?

First off the good; No Country For Old Men cleaned the hell up! Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Supporting actor for the very deserving Javier Bardem, who really had it handed to him because he was just THAT good. Juno won for best original screenplay, which is just amazing and deserving, seriously if you've not seen Juno you really need too, its hilarious and the soundtrack rocks. Oh and least Sweeny Todd got some love... very little but hey, some is better then none.

Now for the bad...

WHAT.... THE... FUCK.... seriously.. Does The Academy hate Micheal Bay? I don't get this, How in the hell does Transformers, one of the most sucessfull movies of 2007, get the shaft, it lost best visual effects to The Golden Compass? Seriously, The Golden Compass? Are you kidding me? The Golden Compass SUCKED except for the Polar Bear fight the movie was horrible, and for a good concept, THE MOVIE MADE NO SENSE AT ALL! And they give it an oscar for best visual effects just to shove that big golden penis shaped award up the ass of Micheal Bay and Transformers, then they used The Bourne Ultimatum to finish the job. You know, the original transformers got dissed for best animated movie back in 1986, sure the movie was a 90 minute toy add for robots that do horrible things to each other (Orson Welles' words on it not mine), but what the hell, it wasn't any worse then any other 1986 animated movies, and well with this year and this movie doing so well i was hoping so much for it to actually get some love, and for us transfans to have something to riot and loot in honor of. but no, we get shafted for two movies that lasted less then 3 months total in theaters. Thank you Academy, you've done the one thing Hasbro, Takara, Paramount, Dreamworks, Micheal Bay, Don Murphey, the douchebags at www.tfw2005.com, Denver The Last Dinosaur, Kidd Video, The Great Spacecoaster and James Bond Jr. couldn't do, you raped my adulthood.

Yeah I know that was a bad joke, but I don't give a damn, I lol'ed@it

Lets see what else... There really was no good animated movie this year was there? You know because for some reason the Academy doesn't like showing anime any love in that department for some reason.

I honestly HATED "There Will Be Blood" and find the fact it got any sort of real amount of notice bothered me greatly, it was just boring as hell, it really was, so was Micheal Clayton and Atonement, its like I sometimes wonder why they would give a movie that had less then 2 months in theaters and one that was basically direct to dvd got so much love, its just stupid.

The Foreign film category has really pissed me off this year, it just didn't really seem like anyone really payed much attention to all of these films, or foreign films in general this time around. There were some really good films absent from the list, where were Autumn Ball and Klass from Estonia? Where was the love for Bollywood, Hong Kong and Tokyo? What did we get? We got a boring movie from Israel about the west bank, we got a Polish well shot movie about Russians killing polish people in 1940, a movie from Kazakhstan about Genghis Khan, and a poorly shot and acted movie about the nazis from Austria, which actually won. Seriously, this was better then Klass? I don't think so. Y'all need to get right with foreign movies you octogenerian pricks that actually give out these awards.

How in the fuck can Enchanted not win best song when three of 5 songs up for best song were from it? How does that work exactly? Don't get that.

and two last things... the old guy that got the lifetime achievement award, how the hell did they let this guy go on for so long with out cutting in with the music, and more so, why didn't they give him the wrap it up signal when it became obvious he's forgotten his speech and was just rambling for a very long time. Seriously, it was like watching a really old man go on about how life was before world war 2, I was waiting for a "back then I was in my early 20s, after the great depression, you could get a sandwitch and soup for 30 cents and we were happy." followed by like the mummering of old people in the theater going "I like to hear the other people remember things that I do." and stuff.. good lord was that brutal to watch. Not brutal in that metal sense, brutal in that "please kill me" way.

And the memorial reel... ok I always love this because it lets you see just how much some greats through out history were loved just one last time, which is such a great idea, but for some reason this year, I didn't really feel it. Oh sure they saved honored last spot for Heath Leger and rightly so, but other then cutting the crowd giving him one final cheer as in customary, they cut to an add break, and cut down the sound, they also seemed to snub afew others which kind of bothered me. Brad Renfro? hello? did anyone forget he died a month before Heath Leger did? And where... in the blue FUCK was the mention of Maila Nurmi? Hollywood's gonna continue to show her no love at all? None? Nothing at all... I can deal with Brad Renfro getting no love, and sure the cutting off Heath's last applause was foul but come on, The Academy is gonna snub Maila Nurmi like she didn't even exist? Thats cold, ice cold. What the hell was with all the executives, camera men, stunt men and agents getting more love then Maila... thats seriously some cold slag yo.

Well I've rambled enough for this...


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Laz